Blogs

Pupils will be set work, tests etc. All work and sessions must be in ASB attire. Pupils must be dedicated to doing work, tests, punishment lines in the realistic timescales set. Work will be set on some online platforms and reports lines etc also sent by PDF or word for marking Skype will be used to dealings with the HM regularly. Punishments can be any of the following corporal punishment administered with proof or live on skype, lines, essays, detention etc Enrolling ASB's will undergo an initial Skype interview and embarrassing medical exam Only pupils willing to put in the required effort to apply. Please send me a message via ASB to be added to the list for enrollment.   or see the below invitation:  Subject: Formal Invitation to Apply for ASB Greystone Skype School Thank you for expressing your interest in joining the ASB Greystone Skype School. We are pleased to invite you to take the next steps in the application process. Kindly ensure the following requirements are completed before we can formally consider your acceptance: Add the Headmaster on Skype: Please add the Headmaster using the email cprem1234@gmail.com. Ensure your ASB username is included in your add request for identification purposes. Complete the Google Survey: A Google survey document must be completed in full. Please use the following link to access the survey: https://forms.gle/bZhjRtRn7Aqn4wdh6. Submit it promptly once completed. Arrange a Skype Interview and Medical Appointment: You must report for a school interview and an embarrassing school medical on Skype. A mutually agreeable appointment time will be arranged. Sign Up on ThatQuiz.org: Create a student account on the platform and ensure emails from this address are not blocked. All work, tests, and exams will be conducted via this platform. Acknowledge School Standards and Discipline Policy: By proceeding with the application, you acknowledge and accept the following: You will complete all assigned lines, essays, and tests within workable deadlines. You are aware that corporal punishment is in use for bad results, rule-breaking, or poor standards. Email Communication: All email contact should be made to TheGreystoneSchool@gmail.com. Ensure your ASB username is included in all email correspondence for identification purposes. Once these steps are successfully completed, we will proceed with your formal application review and notify you regarding the acceptance decision. Should you have any questions or require assistance, please do not hesitate to contact us. Kind regards,   Mr. M. Goodwin Headmaster Greystone School  

A boy In Trouble is a Temporary Thing  The Difference That an Age-Play Mindset Can Make A lot of members of the CP community do not get into age play. They find it fake and makes them feel like an actor, not a participant. Is that you?    Sometimes adult boys get in trouble. Sometimes they just get Spanked. Which is a better experience?     Cornertime Confidential is obviously a home for adult boys, so the underlying assumption is that we are treated like real boys with Dads, Uncles, Daddys, and Mentors who sometimes have to punish us when we're "in trouble" for our behavior. But for many, trying to behave like a naughty boy or teen is like a phony acting job. How does it work for you? Do you prefer a Man-to-Man experience that is just a beating? Or do you prefer a journey as an adult boy doing over a Dad's knee? For me, it's a hard line. I do not feel much more than "fun 'n' games" if a Man swats my behind with a paddle. If however, he gets me into headspace where I'm a boy in trouble...then my endorphins and mind go ballistic. The excitement is ten stories high. If I get a paddling until I'm yelling from an equal, it just doesn't ring for me. It's painful, sure, but I'm not really a pain pig. I think pain pigs are great, and they are so fun to be around. However, it's the pain pig who also enters CP play as a boy that truly sends me. What about being an adult boy that works best for you? Or as a Spanking-fan, what is it about Man-to-Man Spankings that makes you just like being hit?  

If you find yourself reading this, please comment with your experiences. I'd like to include your thoughts to fill out the content of this matter: breaking up. Is it harder to do when you are in a Spanking-relationship? Here's where I am with this post: Recently, a follower of mine, Daddy Dom, asked me an important question: "Are there any articles on Cornertime Confidential about dealing with breakups? Some say it’s harder than ending a vanilla relationship. What do you think?" In vanilla relationships, breakups can be painful, especially if the couple has a long history together. It may take years to heal, as I experienced after my first 15-year relationship. Even so, there comes a point when the finality of the breakup becomes clear, and life, however difficult, moves forward. In our community, however, breakups can feel significantly more intense. Domestic Discipline or Spanking-centered relationships involve more than the loss of a partner; they involve the loss of a Spanking connection, a bond that serves as both a source of intimacy and Discipline. Losing both aspects simultaneously would likely makes a break-up uniquely painful. It wouldn't surprise me if folks in these relationships stay together longer, possibly for the wrong reasons. To shed more light on this, I spoke with johnny, a highly experienced adult boy in our community. “My Daddy and I have been together for over 30 years," johnny shared. "Even though we don’t play as often, we are deeply committed as partners after years of Spankings and Discipline. Our connection is built on two distinct needs: the need for a loving partner and the need for a Spanking partner." johnny explained that based on the folks he knows, many in the Spanking community separate these roles. One partner fulfills emotional and romantic needs, while another person—or series of partners—provides Spanking and Discipline. For these individuals, breaking up only disrupts one part of their life, which might make the transition slightly easier to handle during a break-up. The other element remains intact, providing some stability during the healing process. However, for those whose partner fulfills both roles, the impact of a breakup is profoundly deeper. Breaking up with that singular person means losing both the emotional support and the Spanking dynamic, making the experience more devastating. The vulnerability that comes with such a breakup can be immense, as it strips away two essential components of one's identity and relationship life at once. johnny said, "We need a person we can love and be with, and then we also need a Spanking partner. Breaking up is hard to do.

Was having a discussion with another spanker and he brought forth a memory that I'd lost in the dark caverns of my mind.  Back in 2010ish  A spanker had managed to hire a village hall with a changing room (locker room for our Americans) for a whole day.  He and myself then had a group of 6 spankees in gym kit (no underwear of course)  doing some arm swinging, jumping around, press ups and running on the spot for a while with the one with the lowest amount done getting spanked with the dap (plimsol).  After all six had been under the showers and before they got dressed they all lined up for inspection and more of the dap.  It would be wonderful if that could be done again but not sure if hiring a village hall would be as easy as it was back then, nowadays those in charge want to know what its for and many halls now have CCTV as well.   

NB: For our non-French-speaking friends, this blog is the translation of a French-language blog on the French-speaking group (like the previous ones, by the way), so let me start by reminding you that English is not my mother tongue. English wasn't even the first foreign language I learned in school through to university. If a sentence seems incomprehensible to you, or if my grammar, vocabulary or syntax seem wrong, I'd be very grateful if you'd let me know. I'd be happy to discuss it and improve my prose. There's also the possibility of checking the French version, which is perfectly correct and in line with the desired rhetoric and logic. I'm always open to constructive discussion. So if you feel like reading, I can only wish you a good read and thank you for it and your interest.  Dating is now decided on the networks, and depends on the sites on which you can leave your profile, i.e. your imprint. The key element of such profiles is often the image. Leaving a photo is essential, and a video is a bonus. You can always take a photo on the Net, but it's best to produce your own photos or videos. Unless you want only self-portraits or images of implements or places, you need at least two people to produce meaningful photos or videos. So, you need to discuss and agree with your partners. And discussing the pros, cons and risks of taking photos and videos during a spanking session is important. Knowing whether to publish them, and which ones, is even more important. Talking about it in a blog, read as a voluntary or involuntary collection of advice or testimonials, must be done seriously and without any personal passion. It's not a subject that, in the midst of a futile conversation about image, should lead to a personal regulation of publishing know-how and revenge porn, which some people are so keen on when it comes to considering the publications of others without questioning their own ways of doing things. All the more so as this question concerns spankers as much as spankees, since taking and publishing images depends on both. It's in everyone's interest and for the pleasure of the greatest number that exchanges must be thought out and carried out. We can't love everything, but we must do our best to give something that can be received and shared by other spanking enthusiasts and potential partners or friends. I have nothing to say about the advantages and disadvantages of making and publishing images, since these seem obvious to me and are only to the extent of everyone. Apart from the usefulness of networking to make oneself known, the interest can also be purely aesthetic and fantastical. Besides, I don't think it's my place to define good manners and rules of etiquette. That's not my style. Nor is it my ambition here. I just think we need to agree on this issue before the session. And to agree precisely, loyally and definitively. Pics seem to me to be useful but not necessary for every meet. They fix a memory, but can also be used to communicate and show what you're looking for or what you can offer. Everyone is free to want pics or not, to limit the scope of the shots or even the number of pics or vids. Everyone is free to accept images without accepting their publication, or to limit their communication. However, you should bear in mind that it is always possible to retract your agreement after the fact, but only if no publication has been made beforehand. Indeed, the issue is more complex, however, when images have already been published, as they begin to circulate as soon as they are published. This is even their reason for being. The problem is that they then escape all control. That's why it's important to determine beforehand what can be photographed and published. In any case, in the event of initial disagreement on these issues, the best thing to do is to refrain from taking any images, pic or vid, and even more to refrain from publishing them if images have nevertheless been fixed. I'll focus on the most important, namely the risk of losing control of one's image, if not one's story, and the potential damage to one's reputation in real life, but also the risk of becoming the object of blackmail or pressure from the one who consented or from a third party. For my part, I only publish with my spankee's approval, as much on the principle of the publication as on the pics, on what is necessary or opportune to erase or hide (jewelry, tattoos, birthmarks, etc.), and even on how I will designate him (first name, simple initial, generic term, etc.) and the text that might accompany the publication (for those who follow me, it's usually for haikus, a simple pretext to freeze a moment, an emotion or a sensation in my spanker diary). But more importantly, I'd like to take stock of the idea of revenge porn, so in vogue on the networks and in the minds of “young people”, and even those who want to do harm. I've paid the price with an obsessive manipulative pervert, and frankly I wouldn't wish on anyone what he put me through and sometimes continues to put me through wherever he can harm me by abusing the weaknesses of sites and their “moderation” policies. It's damaging for everyone in reality, and shouldn't be accepted, no matter how “notorious” the evil-doer. Indeed, we must also beware of rumors, gossip and hearsay circulating about publications or the possibility of images being taken without consent or the knowledge of the spankee, perhaps even the spanker, because after all, it's not technically impossible. I've been able to gather testimonials from spankees, or guys posing as spankees, claiming that certain Parisian spankers were taking images without consent. I confined myself to informing those spankers concerned that these rumors were circulating, but did not pass them on to anyone else, as I knew nothing for certain about this information, which sometimes came from dubious profiles. I firmly believe that we must remain extremely cautious in such matters. For many people, accusation is often tantamount to indiscriminate proof, whereas it's not enough to say so for something to be true, and such proof is as good as condemnation. On the contrary, for the sake of peace on the networks and the smooth running of our community, we must not lay down the law on the networks by promoting a parallel, electronic “justice” that rehabilitates the ancient practice of lynching in the name of virtue or the defense of fooled innocence. Digital mobs aren't sentimental, they're infernal. They are detestable when they start acting without thinking. The best thing to do is to remain objective and stick only to what is firmly established, and not to relay noise about which you know nothing objectively. You protect everyone by avoiding spoiling the atmosphere with malicious rumors. Revenge porn does exist! It's worth knowing what it is before committing yourself to fixing images and then publishing them, or launching a campaign against an Internet user accused or suspected of wrongdoing. So, let's examine the issue technically. There's nothing simple about the definition of revenge porn, and the reality of the matter is so diverse and difficult to pin down that the law has done a lot of groping and is still doing so. Broadly speaking, revenge porn consists of an individual publishing sexually explicit content about another person on a public or private network, without that person's knowledge. This content often consists of intimate pictures or videos, which the perpetrator may or may not have obtained with the victim's consent. It is a criminal offence in almost all Western countries. In French criminal law, as in all the Romano-Germanic systems that dominate Europe, it should be remembered that for an offence to be constituted and reprehensible, there must be a legal element, a material element and a moral element. If you don't, you'll be talking nonsense, just like any good blogger who's ready to talk about anything and everything outside his sphere of competence, doubting neither himself nor anything else. I/ The legal element In France, everything is in the Penal Code. This makes it easier to assemble the applicable texts that determine the offence with precision. The law in its entirety can be found in Articles 226-1, 226-2 and 226-2-1 of the Penal Code. The latter Article was added to precisely define and punish revenge porn. It stipulates that: “When the offenses provided for in Articles 226-1 and 226-2 concern words or images of a sexual nature taken in a public or private place, the penalties are increased to two years' imprisonment and a fine of 60,000 euros. “The same penalties apply to the fact of making known to the public or to a third party any recording or document of words or images of a sexual nature, obtained with the express or presumed consent of the person or by him or herself, by means of one of the acts provided for in Article 226-1, in the absence of the person's consent to dissemination.” Article 226-2-1, paragraph 2, of the Penal Code was therefore written to punish what is known as revenge porn, in order to make up for the inadequacies of the provisions of pre-existing Articles 226-1 and 226-2. This text makes it possible to punish cases of invasion of sexual intimacy, even when consent was given at the time the photos were taken or the videos recorded, provided it is not reiterated at the time of distribution. For the French legislator, the phenomenon of revenge porn thus consists in the distribution, without the person's consent, of recordings or documents of a sexual nature (“sextape”, nude pics, etc.) which were initially taken or obtained with the person's consent. Prior to the creation of this offence, the fact that a person had given their consent to the taking of recordings or documents prevented criminal prosecution if the author subsequently decided to disseminate them without their consent. The law penalized the invasion of privacy through the fixation, capture, recording or transmission of private or confidential words or images taken in a private place, as well as the retention or dissemination of such recordings or documents obtained without the consent of the person concerned. The Court of Cassation logically deduced from the applicable texts that it was not a criminal offence to disseminate, without the person's consent, an image of a person taken in a private place with his or her consent (Cass., Crim., March 16, 2016, no. 15-82.676). In this way, revenge porn, i.e. recordings, documents or images of a sexual nature obtained with the person's consent before being disseminated without their consent, could not be punished. Article 226-2-1 corrects the shortcomings of the first two texts, making it possible to penalize this type of behavior. Thus, in France, the legal element has existed since October 2016. It is not retroactive. The offence is statute-barred after 6 years. Most Romano-Germanic European countries have a similar law. I don't know anything about common law and therefore Anglo-Saxon law for the most part. I imagine that this offence also exists and is punished, but under what definition I don't know, and there must be a plethora of case law on the subject. II/ The material element 1/ “... making known to the public or to a third party any recording or document of words or images of a sexual nature...”. The offence therefore presupposes that either an image or words of a sexual nature have been obtained beforehand. These images or words must be transcribed either in a recording or in a document that can be distributed: photograph, video, soundtrack, etc. Several situations could be envisaged: pics or vids of people engaged in sexual lovemaking, of a nude person, or of a person who is not undressed but who makes a gesture with a sexual connotation or adopts a lascivious pose, but in all cases the offence could only be characterized if the person is identifiable. Indeed, the protected image is that of a specific person, since identification is a prerequisite of any invasion of privacy (Cass., Civ. 1st, April 9, 2014, n°12-29.588). Consequently, if the image focuses on a genital organ, or a part of the body, such as the bottom for example, which does not allow the person's face to be seen or identified in any way, the provisions of Article 226-2-1 of the French Penal Code are not intended to apply, a fortiori if there is no written mention enabling identification for which the image alone would not suffice. One question, however, is unclear. Does it have to be a public or a private place? The first paragraph of Article 226-2-1 of the French Penal Code, which increases the penalties for the offences set out in Articles 226-1 and 226-2 when the images or words are of a sexual nature, makes no distinction between images taken in a public or private place. The second paragraph of Article 226-2-1, which defines the phenomenon of revenge porn, does not specify the public or private nature of the place concerned. Legal doctrine tend to consider that, since paragraph 2 presupposes that the images or words disseminated were obtained “by means of one of the acts provided for in Article 226-1”, the extension of the scope of repression to public places does not apply to images, which must, under the terms of Article 226-1, 2°, have been taken in a private place. It follows that, a priori, for example, a picture of a nude person in a public place, taken with his consent or by himself, can be lawfully distributed without his agreement. The question of the public place remains. A bar, or any other venue where a party open to the public is held, is a public or private place in this particular context? The judges will say... On the other hand, it is certain that a beach or dunes, an abandoned bunker or the top of a bell tower open to the public, a wood or a path, are public places... Finally, sexuality must be assessed subjectively. This raises the question of whether an image is sexual in nature. Is the sexual nature of an image determined by what it shows, or by what it suggests? The “context” in which the image is taken is therefore crucial in determining its sexual nature, all the more so when the image is accompanied by text. 2/ “..., obtained, with the express or presumed consent of the person or by himself, using one of the acts provided for in Article 226-1.” The document or recording must have been obtained, with consent, by means of one of the acts provided for in the Penal Code, which are specifically listed: capture, recording, transmission and fixation. The act may have been carried out “by means of any process whatsoever”: camera, camcorder, cell phone, etc. This strictly technical point is not covered here and is not difficult to understand, and makes perfect sense. 3/ “... in the absence of the person's consent to the broadcast... ”. The offence is committed when the recording or document containing words or images of a sexual nature is either broadcast or brought to the attention of the public or a third party in the absence of the consent of the individual appearing on it. The term “brought to the attention of” implies one or more specific recipients. Diffusion, on the other hand, implies a deliberate action aimed at making the document or recording known to a wide audience of indeterminate individuals. The real question is that of the consent of the person concerned by the recording or document. It is perfectly possible for a person to agree to the recording or document being made, without consenting to its distribution. What has been consented to in a private setting must not be allowed to leave without the consent of the person concerned. This point is simple. A priori only, because consent must be understood specifically “a priori”. If no consent has ever been given, the solution is simple: no publication is possible. If consent has been given and never taken back, the solution is equally simple: no problems are to be expected. If consent has been given and then taken back, the solution is more complex. While it is always possible to take back consent, this does not make it retroactive. The resumption of consent has its limits. Under no circumstances can the absence of consent relate to a document or recording already published with the consent of the interested party, if the document or recording has already been lawfully made available to the public since its first publication. In this case, it does not fall within the protected, i.e. hidden, private domain. However, only what has remained private can, without the consent of the interested party, actually be revealed, distributed or brought to the attention of the public, who had not previously been aware of it, and possibly enter the realm of revenge porn. To put it simply, what is already known cannot be revealed. It's simply obvious. There should be no discussion on this point. It would therefore be very risky to attempt to characterize as revenge porn the direct or indirect republication of an image already published with the express consent of the one appearing in it or who authored it at the time of its initial publication. The law only protects what is not publicly known. A resumption of consent is only valid for the future and for images that have not been published on the day consent is resumed. Other images are already public, and more often than not circulate at the speed of social networks. They will therefore never fall under the heading of revenge porn or unauthorized use. III/ The moral element In Romano-Germanic law, this is an intentional offence. Thus, in French law, in accordance with the first paragraph of Article 121-3 of the Penal Code, there is no crime or misdemeanor without intent to commit it. With regard to the first paragraph of Article 226-2-1 of the French Penal Code, intent can be deduced directly from the facts: the perpetrator is fully aware that by acting in this way, he is violating a person's sexual intimacy. However, with regard to paragraph 2 of this Article, the moral element seems more specific. It can be deduced directly from the phrase “in the absence of agreement”. By disseminating images or videos, the offender is therefore necessarily aware that he is harming the identified person and going against his consent, even though these images and videos were captured “with the express or presumed consent of the person or by himself”, when he is aware that he is acting expressly without the victim's consent. However, if the offence is intentional, the intent must be culpable or malignant. It's a mistake to think that it doesn't matter whether the 'poster' intended to do something (revenge, attention, shame, blackmail, praise, etc.) or whether it's impossible to be recognized. On the contrary, these two questions are essential. In fact, any good jurist will note that it must be proven that there is an intention to violate the privacy of the person whose recordings or documents of sexual words or images, not yet public knowledge, are revealed with the aim of harming him. It must also be proven that the author was aware that he was acting without the consent of the person concerned. The absence of consent to publish images or documents, which does not include previously authorized publications, does not therefore apply to publications already produced with the consent of the person concerned, which in fact circulate by themselves on the networks... Furthermore, the text accompanying the publication will be decisive in determining whether it is vengeful, denunciatory or identifying. Intentionality also means that the person must be recognizable or identifiable. An image that can only be identified by the individual in it, its author or someone very close to one of these people - in the latter case, a very jealous one who is ready, rightly or wrongly, to ruin the lives of others in this respect, even if he has already seen the images before - would not be sufficient to establish that the publication was expressly aimed at the guilty intention of revealing a fact infringing on the privacy of the person featured in the image, without which the slightest bottom allegedly recognized on a network would give rise to endless lawsuits. A famous New York architect was murdered by a jealous husband who thought he recognized his wife in the sculpture crowning the last building built by his victim, and deduced that they were lovers. Calm must therefore always prevail in these cases, even if I know that the jealous nature of some is so irrational, malicious and pathological that it leads them to stop at nothing to pass themselves off as victims and justify their own offences. For there are other offenses too, such as publicly accusing someone of revenge porn and spreading the word to convince the spanking “community” that a guy is shady, in the hope of seeing him disappear for good from the virtual space of specialized networks. Then there's accusing someone of taking photos or videos without telling you or against your consent, without providing proof. In both cases, this is known in criminal law as the denunciation of an imaginary offence... and here again, intent is perfectly necessary and easily identifiable in certain cases. There is also the abuse of weakness and control, which give rise to unacceptable psychological manipulation and pressure on certain fragile individuals that can seriously damage their health, all the more so when these actions are expressly aimed at using these psychological flaws to abuse them. And unfortunately, there is always a type of doms or spankers who believe that they can enter a brain with impunity and clean it up, destroying what they don't like and reshaping the rest. This kind of behavior must never be accepted. It's the worst kind of perversion, and the most dangerous. I believe that a spankee who is too fragile must be protected and not used or abused.  

Its no secret  that I've got Parkinson's  and that can mean that on somedays I'm unable to spank.   Today I had an older guy (87) get in touch wanting a spank this morning before he went off on his travels, I explained that I wouldn't be able to  and it looked like the Older guy was going to be out of luck.  However within a few minutes one of my regular boys ,who switches. also got in touch and with a bit of talking he agreed to spank the guy for me. That is how I lay on my bed watching a guy getting spanked by one of my boys (he did a very good job by the way, a nice covering of red evenly spread all over the bottom), the guy left with a glowing bottom and a smile on his face.    Watching my boy doing the spanking for me felt strange at first and to be honest it made be feel sad and a little bit angry with my body.  However that soon faded as things went on and disappeared  after the older guy had left and my boy stripped off and lay on top of me so that I could at least make an attempt of my hand hitting his bare bottom, it was more stroking and patting  then anything else.     I was  full of emotions but I needed to face the hard fact that my future spankings may not always go as planned.

When I had visits  I liked to strip the boy before the spanking started, the boy would stand on a wooden board with hands on head waiting for me sometimes for minutes.  When I did decide to start the striping was either a HMP prison style strip search, this included fingers through hair and looking in all holes, a ripnstrip where what clothes the boy turned up in ends up in a pile of rags on the floor (of course not bringing another set of clothes means going home naked or just in pair disposable underwear) in a ripnstip I start by making cuts to whats been worn and then rip the clothes to shreads.  If it was a first timer I would start with the boy keeping his clothes on and slowly lower their trousers and underwear as we work to find their limit and maybe stretch that limit a little.   At the other extreme I've had boys who would only want a spanking over their jeans  and nothing else  just a straight OTK and wham nothing else not even a hand on bare bottom, it was turn up get 12 or 18 over trousers or jeans and thank you, good bye. One boy was in and out in less than 10 minutes.   So what is the concensus stripping before and then spanking or starting clothed and undress as go along?   I take it as read that the bottom must be bare at some point but how do we get to that point?  Is my obsession with getting guys naked as soon as possible  off putting to others?

The first time I actually spanked a guy was back in late 2010 the exact date has become lost in my mind.  I was invited to Boyz and Sirs (who at that time met at the hoist in Vauxhall) by someone who is no longer with us.  I remember we met at Waterloo station, took the one stop to Vauxhall station and down to the hoist which was in the railway arches.   Back then Boyz and Sirs had a number of guys dressed as schoolboys in blazers and shorts (far more than you see nowadays)  I don't remember who my first is anymore but i'm sure its was someone in grey shorts and green blazer.   Other memories are lost or mixed up with things I think happend but could have been pure fantasy, like i'm sure I spanked a Member of Parliament but made it was someone I thought was a MP.   I do remember on my 6th or 7th trip I had a queue of boys lined up and i worked up such a sweat that Eastbourne Daddy bought me a drink and on another time I spanked the guy who would become my husband.  Other times are lost until someone says do you remember when..... Now Boyz and Sirs meet in a different location and sadly as time passes more and more of those old faces leave us to go and make peace with whoever they believe is in charge of the world.  I'm visiting Boyz and Sirs tomorrow  and hopefully will get a few more visits in before  my body says thats enough you can't do this anymore, which maybe sooner then you think.  When that time comes i'm going to buy a spanking machine I can control from my phone.  Can see me now sat in a chair  watching Zak or Ollie get hit by the spanking machine.    Parky and MSA can wait a while before they stop me having my fun 

Unfortunately, there are far more websites and apps for meeting spankos than there are actual places. While “face-to-face” means you don't have to introduce yourself without knowing who you're talking to, and you can simply get to know them, “remote” displays are far more sophisticated and tricky. In the end, it's all very complicated, and it's always a good idea to adapt your presentation to the website in question and the people you want to get in touch with. I find this fastidious and often discouraging, not to mention time-consuming, and it can sometimes leave you feeling a little bitter. So it's best to give a little thought to what needs to be said. You have to present yourself while protecting yourself, attract without lying, reveal without betraying, show without betraying, establish your reputation and finally turn your experiences into advantages. To learn the art of virtual conversion, you also need to think about how to make contact and how to end it. Introduce yourself while protecting yourself, attract without lying A profile is often the first contact with a potential partner. It may even be the only one. So long as it's complete and attractive, authentic and honest. Some may see it, based on market research, as an effective and exclusive competitive tool, and potentially as a chance for monopoly or near monopoly, while others may be less utilitarian and ambitious, and want it as a visiting card designed solely for making contacts or new acquaintances. The key element of a profile remains the description, which generally takes up just a few lines, depending on the website, and is the first place to introduce yourself and at the very least attract attention. This description, however succinct and artificial in a way, must be neither empty nor off-putting. It should be immediately identifiable and eye-catching. If not already displayed in other profile fields, the minimum information required for a description is : - Place of residence and ability to receive guests or travel; - Age, physical description (height, weight, body type), experience; - Languages understood, written and spoken; - A description of what you like and what you're looking for; - Target audience: age range, body type, spanking type, possibly sexuality; - Its strict limits: for example, no scenarios, no blood, no traces, no sex, etc. In this description, there are also pitfalls to avoid: - Obviously, having an empty or all-purpose description; In general, this doesn't attract and blends in with the mass of profiles; - Focusing on what you want to do with a potential partner, without really saying anything about yourself or the people you want to meet; A general, fantastical description immediately attracts the wankers and trolls of the Net whom you'll never meet; - Be too technical, literary or cerebral; It's better to remain understandable to all at first; It's only after the first contact that the exchange can be elevated according to the person you're talking to, unless you want to meet only one type of partner; At the outset, it's best to remain open and accessible to all; - Take over all or part of the description of another spanko, especially if he or she is recognized on the website in question, or even on most specialized sites; Inspiration is not forbidden when you lack it, but you still need to know how to adapt it and come back to yourself. With practice, you'll soon realize what's going wrong, and it's not forbidden to modify your description and adapt it according to feedback, or even the absence of feedback, which is more worrying and should lead to a complete revision of your profile. Reveal yourself without betraying yourself, show without betraying Putting photos on your profile is a good way of showing what you like and what you do. Sometimes it's a single profile photo, sometimes one or more albums. Choosing your photo or pics therefore deserves special attention. Face, hand, lower body, place, implement, one of your spankings, a drawing or a pic of a spanking you like found on the net, but in this case it's better to use studio photos, so there's no ambiguity or source of misunderstanding. If albums can be used, they should be composed with discretion. They should tell you more about what you do and what you like than a description, because images speak louder than words, even if the photos used are borrowed from the Internet. Naturally, the albums will be composed by theme, representing a practice, an implement, a position, etc., representative of what you do or what you like. You have to be imaginative and take care to show a fantasy world in which someone can recognize themselves and want to be part of it, but it also has to be personal, as close as possible to the truth of what you do or can do. Then you need to find the right captions. If you use pictures from studios or other spankos, you need to credit them or put them in an album whose title indicates that the picture come from the net. Whatever you think, you should never use photos from other fans without crediting them, let alone claiming them as your own. Not only is this discourteous and dishonest, but it also quickly undermines your credibility. The wording of captions must also be carefully considered. If the comment is silly or degrading, there's little chance that the pic, even if exceptional, can make up for the disastrous effect, which will also reflect on the entire profile. It's best to remain neutral when posting photos and captions. They should be informative rather than disruptive, attractive rather than repellent. Laying the foundations of a virtual reputation With the exception of deliberate and malicious denigration, which is so difficult to combat in the virtual world of rumors and possible neuroses, exchanges are quite desirable to transform a totally virtual profile into reality, to give it existence and depth. Reading what people write, replying to it and asking questions - even about members of this “community” - shouldn't be controversial. It's normal to inform ourselves and others. It's only right to do so honestly and fairly, and always to be cautious about the information you gather in this way. Testimony is only testimony at best, especially when you don't know the witness. A negative statement may be nothing more than a rumor, pure malice or even revenge. You can only share what you have experienced or seen yourself. On the other hand, you must be careful not to spread mere rumours or unverifiable and often malicious hearsay. Moreover, it is generally advisable to be wary of excessive or derogatory remarks reported by someone who has not experienced what he is talking about. As I've said elsewhere, it's undoubtedly important to ensure that your encounters are safe, sane and consensual. So you need to be careful when looking for a profile that matches your needs. First and foremost, you have to respect your own limits, and those of the people you're meeting. Anyone who thinks they can do what they want and only what they want, especially if they're a spanker, is a bad partner and can only create a very bad reputation for himself in the long run. You really must set strict limits, and stick to them as long as the agreement is not revised. A partner who claims to have no limits, or is unwilling to accept any, is the harbinger of certain disaster. It's best to avoid meeting such a partner, either as a spanker or as a spankee. The framework must always be precisely defined in advance, including any possible changes during the session. Among the important limits that shape a profile and its virtual reputation are those relating first and foremost to sex. This question is the most important before any meeting, as it can determine a real boundary between spankos for a variety of reasons. And surprise sex is never desirable, and can lead to a lot of disappointment and unnecessary problems. When it comes to sex, nudity and physical contact are essential. Some people are very rigid about this. There are parts of the body that can be touched and others that cannot, parts that can be undressed and others that cannot. It seems to me that it's always the spankee who decides on these two aspects, as well as on the sexual question, but in the latter, unlike the first two, the spankee proposes and the spanker agrees or not. Then there's often the question of marks and bruises. Then there's the question of the marital status of your partner, who may legitimately want to preserve his marital life, while his usual partner may be unaware of his “extra-marital” practices. The real difficulty is that a spankee doesn't always know how his skin reacts, especially if it's the first time or if he doesn't practice much. Everyone's skin reacts differently. Some mark at the slightest blow, no matter how insignificant, while others don't mark at all, even if the blows are extremely severe. If the spankee doesn't know how his skin reacts, he should say so, and then it's up to the spanker to know how to handle his implements, and to stop before crossing the set limit. Sometimes, however, the marks don't appear until several hours after the end of the session. In such cases, it's best to remain cautious and never spank beyond the area covered by the underwear normally worn by the spankee. This will make it easier to hide any marks for a few days. Then there's the question of pain. Some people want it, others don't. If a spanker wants to hurt and the spankee prefers other elements of spanking to pain, it's best to pass. In any case, you mustn't exceed the spankee's pain limit, especially if you're not a caretaker. In my opinion, a spanker should always carry a lightening cream for bruises or a moisturizing cream, and even an arnica-based cream for pain. The spankee can always bring his own cream if there's one that works for him. There are never too many limits. There are only the limits required by the spankee and the spanker. If you find that there are too many limits, or that the limits of the spankee and the spanker are incompatible, don't insist. The result would be failure and even embarrassment. You can always ask for certain limits to be gradually pushed back, but only if you're in a second or third meeting, and after clearly discussing them. You have to be aware of the limits of those with whom you exchange virtually, as well as those you actually meet, but you also have to be aware of your own limits. The scarcity of opportunities to meet people shouldn't lead you to accept just any encounter. It's hard to force yourself to do so sometimes. Especially when the other partner seems so cute, so experienced, so attractive, etc., to refuse to see him, even if what he's asking for is far removed from your own interests, but if he really isn't what you're looking for, you have to learn to refuse. If, in spite of everything, you decide to meet someone who isn't quite what you're looking for, or even if you've met someone who was exactly what you were looking for but something didn't work out during the session, it's all right to call it a day. It's better to stay on good terms and show that no matter what happens, respecting the limits of your spanking is the most important thing, and the only thing that will count afterwards for your virtual reputation. The same goes for a spankee who has made a lot of claims before meeting someone, then in the course of the session has multiplied the limits that had never been expressed despite several requests, has modified his desires and demands at the last moment, he can only exasperate the spanker and convince him never to see him again. It's also important to know how to say no if you're particularly solicited. There are spankers who receive many requests and spankees who attract all the spankers in the neighborhood, the city, the region, the country and even the continent. Whatever happens, it's important to discuss whether the meeting is possible, and if not, to say no. I wouldn't go so far as to say that you should follow your instincts, because instincts mean nothing and are often the reflection of an illusion or neurose. No, you have to remain rational and know how to deduce from what you read and see whether the meeting is possible, and it's always yes or no. “Maybe” really means no! Secondly, the outcome of the meeting can only depend on the meeting itself and nothing else. In the virtual world, your reputation and the good image you project on your profile make it easier for people to meet you, especially those who wouldn't have wanted to meet you without some feedback from partners who were satisfied with their session. The ones we've actually met are our only real promoters! We can use the functions on some sites to indicate who can vouch for your services. This means checking out who you've met and asking them to do the same. It's better to ask before checking, though. Some people prefer not to leave a trace. It's strange, but that's the way it is. It's true that they may want to escape stalkers and jealousy. Unfortunately, there are some. But we mustn't hesitate to ask our regulars if they agree to be our references for those who are reluctant to meet us. We should also ask their permission to post their photos or videos on our profile if we've taken pictures! The photos of our parties are our signatures and our best visiting cards. They should be carefully selected from those accepted by your partner, and never be given a disastrous caption. The virtual world is as fickle as it is irrational. Let's be true to our conscience and to our partners. Let's respect them and make sure we're respected. Let's post beautiful images that have been selected, sorted and accepted. Let's delete them if the interested party requests it. Nor should we abuse capricious, inconsiderate or manipulative requests. In return, we must be wary of virtual reputations based on rumors or excessive comments made by envious or bitter people, because this unfortunately also exists, alas. Let's stay on good terms with the spankos in our area, or at the very least let's not participate in the damaging game of rumors, because the guys in our geographical area are an excellent source of information about who's a pervert, a banned word, a wanker or on the contrary an excellent or good partner, who respects everyone's desires and only cares about himself. However, whatever happens, you must avoid slandering or speaking ill of another spanko for any reason whatsoever. You must remain neutral and objective, and speak only of what you know and have personally experienced. I've been subjected to the baseness of a bitter and jealous young man for the wrong reasons and in a totally irrational way. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. From now on, I'll only say what I've experienced unreservedly about him, but I'll leave it up to those who read me to make up their own minds in the end. Rumors are hard to fight and unnecessarily destructive. In the end, it's the whole “community” that suffers. In the end, you have to turn your experiences into assets Once you've had a few experiences and, by chance, established a more regular relationship with one or more partners, you need to take advantage of these opportunities to improve your skills, both technically and psychologically. With time and an ongoing relationship, you develop a certain trust with your partner. You can confide in them more easily, deepen your fantasies, progress in your practice, rectify mistakes from past sessions... You need to talk sincerely, about everything, your life, your history and spanking. When you have this kind of fantasy, it doesn't come from nowhere and it doesn't fit into anything. It responds to a need that must be understood, respected and fulfilled. Under no circumstances is spanking simply an activity in which a spanker takes pleasure in using a spankee as a tambourine or punching bag, unless he is completely stupid or a bastard. Unfortunately, such individuals do exist, particularly among novices who stop at the mere appearance of the blows given and a fantasy of humiliation and domination at a good price. In reality, these individuals will never make good spankos. The inescapable rule is that the needs of the one being spanked always come first, even if the needs of the one giving the spanking must not be counted for nothing. That's why verbal exchange during and after spanking is so important. We shouldn't hesitate to enter into a relationship with a partner we like, who seems perfectly suited to what we're looking for and to whom we can give what they want. This requires discussion. You don't kick a partner out of your home two minutes after you've finished exercising, or walk away two minutes later. If you do, there's a good chance that the session didn't live up to everyone's expectations, or at least one of them. You have to learn to talk, to calm down and to take care of each other after the spanking, to return to the ordinary world in a way. You also need to know how to keep in touch in the hours that follow - and even in the days that follow for the less experienced - to find out if all is well, both psychologically and physically. Contacting and ending a discussion, a difficult art to acquire This is a recurring question when you find a profile that interests you. We're not necessarily sure of ourselves, nor ready to face failure, let alone silence or immediate blocking without explanation. Silence and blocking are the solutions found by louts who have never learned to dialogue or simply to say no in a proper and courteous manner. This is often a generational fault, but it's not the only one. In any case, sending a message to a Spanko who seems interesting costs nothing, and neither does replying, even if it's negative. There's no need to get formal or indignant about it. Only unexplained silences and blockages should be condemned. As a general rule, simply read the profile, and if it appears that an approach is possible, send a simple, polite message. You can always send a message extending the description of your profile, with the necessary adaptation to the profile you've just read. If you really want to, you can already add a potential availability and a more precise location than in your profile. This message might as well be clear, basic and decent. It's simply an introduction, which will either lead to a polite refusal, normally if you're dealing with a well-educated person, or to acceptance of contact, in which case all you need to do is enter into more in-depth discussions about what's expected and the practicalities of an eventual meeting. You can always wait to receive messages. If you're new or just starting out, or if you don't have a reputation that attracts curiosity, you're unlikely to be contacted spontaneously. On the other hand, when you're starting to become well established and are known to a number of Spankos, have an extensive profile or enjoy a good reputation, then yes, you can expect to receive messages, and not necessarily from those you're most spontaneously interested in. It doesn't matter, though, except for those who insist despite repeated refusals: if you're not interested, just say no and leave it at that. Otherwise, you need to get into the discussion to find out whether or not a meeting is possible. Experience has taught me that when the discussion is too short, the meeting can't be a good one. On the contrary, when the discussion drags on, the meeting will never take place. Let's face it. Finally, among the shortcomings of the modern age is the apparently common practice, particularly among the younger generations, of never replying, as if silence were equivalent to an answer, or even, as in the case of the administration, to a refusal. Worse still, there's the habit of blocking even when there's no obvious reason to do so. Apart from the rules of politeness, which have not been learned by the interested party, the reasons may be diverse. Silence may be due to an avalanche of messages and the impossibility of replying immediately, because you're not alone, because you don't have time to engage in a conversation, because you don't yet know what to answer, or whatever. In this case, just try again a little later, or even a few days or weeks later. It could also be a phony profile, or that of a fantasist who has no real intention of meeting anyone and would just like to have a look around. It may even be a guy who hasn't really been honest on his profile and has frankly lied about his age, physical condition or desires, and who knows full well that he can't answer us and will never be able to meet us, or that the meeting will be a disaster. In these three cases, we have nothing to regret. Then there are those who engage in a serious discussion that may have taken us some time, and then either don't reply or block. In this case, we can be sure that we've been dealing with a wanker and that by the end of the exchange, he's reached the desired result and gone to wipe his hands. Maybe one day, he'll want to move on to a real exercise and taste another, more intense pleasure. You have to wait. Always know how to wait. Then there's the question of shooting. I've already talked about this, but I think it's important to bear in mind the rules that apply, apart from simple courtesy and politeness, so that this issue doesn't become a means of pressure or manipulation for either the spanker or the spankee, and even less so for third parties. This will be the subject of the next blog.

Spanking and Parkinson's don't always mix well,  I've had to learn that putting a guy OTK isn't always possible some days and having to cancel on the day of someone visiting is something I hate.  So I've stop having people come to my home for awhile. Visiting events like Boyz and Sirs is as always great but I do find myself resting more between spankings, the days of spanking 10 plus guys in an afternoon are in the past now.  Its not all bad though having a tremor whilst hold in dick is fun for whoever's dick i'm holding.    I'm looking for ways in which I can alter how I spank,which will give me more time before I have to face the truth and stop spanking alltogether  

You may have known him as Ben or Ben Bear or Onkel Ben or Onkel Chen, or by his given name ‘Benjamin’ – I knew him as all of those but to me he was always ‘Onky’ – and that is how I addressed him, even when I was over his lap.   The one thing I want to tell you is that he taught me true respect and humility and I want to echo his thoughts on this because honestly, we should all listen.  Life is short, we will never always agree with one another and sometimes we can get mad or emotional about things, and quite often those things we get mad about are ‘little things.’  Let it go guys, and move on, life is precious.   He was more than just a member of this community and he was very much loved.    His memory will be honored on the site and I know he enjoyed it very much.   He was fun and quirky, that is for sure and I will share a few cherished moments.   The first time I met him here in Phoenix, we hugged and his hand patted the seat of my shorts, a few times, almost as if to say ‘we are friends but I can and I will spank your bottom’.   Two hours later and without going into detail as to why, I found my ear grabbed, taken to the spanking chair and my shorts and briefs were lowered at a speed that I could not believe.  I was soundly spanked and the lesson was repeated in the morning.   He is also (other than Denis) the only other person that has administered a review and punishment session.  A couple of years ago when he visited, Denis had hurt his arm and was wearing a sling.  He asked Onky if he would deal with me and of course he was only too happy to oblige.   Let me tell you, when Onky said ‘No rubbing’ in the corner he meant it 100%, and when I did, it was more spanking and the corner time restarted to zero.   I remember him for the man he was, for the respect I had for him and for the cherished moments I will never forget we had together.   Rest In Peace Onky, you are in our hearts and in our minds and were and are very much loved.   Xxxx   James

With the virtual world taking over in general, and the world of spanking in particular, being a spanker or spankee isn't easy, and finding partners isn't simple, or even insurmountable for some. Of course, where we live is important. Since the spanking community is small, the fewer neighbors we have, the greater the likelihood of being the only spanko for miles around. In France, Paris may be an exception in this respect, but it's no paradise: the virtuality of relationships amplifies the obstacles, real or imagined. The existence of places like the Bunker in London, the Böse Buben or the Quälgeist in Berlin or the Church in Amsterdam encourages real encounters and real acquaintance with those who share our particular pleasure, but in Paris only the Keller offers a monthly party, and the latter is shunned by many - wrongly, it seems to me, but that's the way it is, and the battle against prejudice and irrational phobias is lost in advance, alas. So, since it seems that the virtual link must prevail and become inescapable, in France no doubt, but elsewhere too, we might as well think about the best way to become a spanker who effectively meets spankees and slowly but surely builds a network of friends, and vice versa for a spankee. This blog is neither a guide nor a catalog of principles to be followed, just a food for thought, and I encourage everyone to make their own constructive contribution to an edifice that I'd still prefer to be real rather than virtual. First of all, it's best to determine what we want and what can be “put on the market” with the electronic high-fives. We need to ask ourselves what attracts us to spanking, to try and understand what we like a priori, and to identify the practice in which we'll be comfortable, so we can be a good partner. It seems to me impossible to enter this “community”, and establish a profile if need be, without having asked ourselves this question and found a simple and certain answer. In any case, the image we offer on the networks depends solely on this prerequisite. If we're not sure and clear about what we want and like, what we find attractive and what we don't, it will be difficult to establish a reliable and attractive profile and get in touch with anyone. Each of us is unique, but we need to find common links, if not common places, to find a partner. So the traits that can serve as a basis for determining a sociable profile can be broken down as follows: a fetish (kink) deeply rooted in our psyche or our imagination; we experienced it before adulthood and we'd like to play it over; we received it by chance as part of an meeting of a completely different nature, but it turned us on and we want to deepen this aspect of our sexuality or sensuality; we have an old, unexplained inclination, never experienced before adulthood; we have a penchant for the punitive aspect of this practice; we'd like to be the one to turn other men's spanking fantasies into reality; we imagine this relationship in terms of coaching or directing, educating, etc.; we've enjoyed spanking as a sexual preliminary and want to develop this preliminary into a full-fledged practice; we have broader BDSM practices and sometimes want to refocus on this practice alone in certain circumstances; we've seen a video or photo that has revealed to us a fantasy world we'd never suspected; and so on. There's no shortage of reasons, and we can think of many more. In all cases, we need to determine our likes and dislikes in order to establish a profile and describe the type of spanking sessions we're looking for or can offer. Secondly, you need to be aware that you'll need to determine the place, time and foreseeable duration of a meeting. This is perhaps the most crucial question, as there are many material disadvantages which can become real obstacles to a real meeting in a private space. Living in a big city and close to public transport is obviously a clear advantage. And I can honestly only talk about what I know. I'm a Parisian. A city is an undeniable opportunity for this practice. I imagine that outside a large conurbation, this practice can only be conditional on extensive travel, which makes it even more problematic as we're not inclined to travel miles for the King of Prussia (i.e "to do 'something' for nothing", French expression for which I don't know the English equivalent, if you know it, I'd be interested😁). In any case, a trip has to be prepared, and the pre-meeting exchange is all the more necessary as we need to be sure of his fate before embarking on the road. As a general rule, it's the spanker who gets spankee, but there are exceptions to this rule. It's more convenient for the spanker, who doesn't have to move his implements. That said, the spankee may also have fetish implements that he would like to receive and should therefore bring with him. In short, going to a stranger's house to receive a correction is intriguing and unsettling enough to form the basis of a satisfying scenario. Indeed, being at home gives the spanker a certain ease and places him in a situation of added vulnerability, while at the same time giving him a certain assurance. Certainly, very few criminals act at home, and if they do, it's almost entirely by accident. It seems to me superfluous to point out that, in such cases, the premises must be welcoming and clean. The most elementary rules of courtesy and politeness apply, especially if we want to see our partner again. When, for one reason or another, we can't host a party, or the hostess lives too far away, it's perfectly possible to find a hotel or an Airbnb, or even a Love Hotel. In Paris, we're lucky enough to have one near Les Halles, which is very central and perfectly suited to this kink. No one to complain about the noise or give you the stink eye. There's even a room with a spanking bench. It's ideal if you can't entertain... But for some, it'll always be a deterrent. There's nothing we can do to overcome prejudice and preconceptions. Then you have to find the time. You have to make yourself available, but you can't expect to meet someone at the last minute. You need a stable and organized schedule, and above all you need to take the time to prepare for the meeting a few days beforehand, but not months in advance. Of course, for some people, the need for a spanking is an impulse that needs to be dealt with quickly. In this case, two or three days seems a reasonable amount of time. In short, the preparation time depends on both partners. The only thing that's ruled out is a last-minute meeting. The Grindr spirit is not the ideal of this kink. What's more, a good spanking is one that lasts as long as is necessary for each partner to achieve what they wanted before the meeting. More often than not, it's the spankee and his stamina that determine the duration of the correction. In any case, a 15-minute spanking will rarely be satisfactory for both partners. You need to take into account moments of rest, cornering, possible discussions... The duration should also depend on travel time. No one will go for a short spanking if a journey of several hours has to be made. Time must be adapted to each individual's needs, but also to each person's involvement in the meeting, especially if the journey is cross-border. Thirdly, we need to know the fundamentals of spanking, from a technical, psychological and behavioral point of view. Spanking is not hitting. Hitting is only one aspect of spanking. We can't and shouldn't want to hit or be hit anywhere, anyhow. Spanking depends on the anatomy of the buttocks. And we have to learn where to spank and where not to spank. The four classic zones. Above all, the spanker needs to learn the gestures to adopt. Hand position, rhythm, variation of rhythm, dosage and intensity, time-outs and restarts. A spanking is a variation on a simple gesture. However, if we stick to a single gesture, the exercise will quickly become boring, if not tedious. This simple gesture can be developed and improved. From a flat hand to a curved one, fingers clenched or spread apart, a stroke placed or slapped, pressed or caressed, regular or irregular cadence, counted or rhythmic series, the range of possibilities is finally rich enough to surprise a spankee and thus increase his desire and/or pleasure, and in turn that of the one administering the punishment. Administering takes on its full meaning here. Defining, controlling and adapting the spanking are essential. Body language is also important. General movement, legs, feet, head, moans, cries, complaints, tears, real or simulated, all these signs of the spankee side are important. Voice, tone, commands, poise, tranquility, determination, the ability to alternate strokes and caresses, threat, execution and reassurance are all important signs of the spanker side. For both, the look is fundamental. The guiding principle of this practice is Safe, Healthy and Consensual, abbreviated SSC. It's a prerequisite for any activity of a more or less BDSM nature. We need to learn to practice an activity that is Safe, in order to prevent health risks; Healthy, i.e. initiated within a healthy mental framework; and Consensual, as activities must be fully consented to by both partners. This should not prevent full responsibility, as consent can be inoperative in the face of criminal liability for any injury caused, physically or psychologically. This last point leads directly to the Risk Aware Consensual Kink, abbreviated RACK, i.e. the principle that emphasizes responsibility, consensual action, recognition and personal, explicit acceptance of risk. Both spanker and spankee must have a high level of awareness of the risks associated with this activity. This does not stop at the immediately visible marks. Some people have confused psyches that can be dangerous; in another blog I talked about manipulative narcissistic perverts and parasitic personalities. There are other psychological traumas that can sometimes interfere with this practice. The victim is not necessarily the spanker... It's a complex world. Finally, there'saftercare, the care and attention after a session that serves to stabilize both partners emotionally and reduce any unnecessary stress. The use of creams either for the marks or for the pain is recommended. In general, this also prolongs the partners' pleasure. Ultimately, to optimally mitigate any risk, we need to think seriously, at all times, about the safety, technical and boundary aspects of each of our partners. We need to consider emergency signals, known as safewords, to guarantee access to first-aid equipment in case of need. Signs, hand movements or gestures can also be defined for situations where it is difficult or impossible to speak. These words or gestures can be graduated like traffic lights, from green to red. It's important to discuss possible physical and psychological reactions in advance. Consent must be explicit before any meeting, and revocable only at the moment of action. We need to feel at ease, and make sure that the limits set are respected at all times. Dialogue does not end at the beginning of the meeting, but only at the end, although it may be extended or resumed for clarification or correction. Any session can come to a premature end. We have to know how to say “no”, on both the spanker's and the spankee's side. We have to accept it. On the other hand, once the action has been exhausted, there's no honest way of going back on consent. Consent is essential, but it must not be used as a weapon to harass, stalk or threaten the other person. I've been with two individuals who have suffered the effects of this ultimate perversion in a three-way game. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The best thing is to guard against it and immediately eject anyone who plays with the notion of consent the day after an encounter. We may or may not consent, but we don't use consent as an afterthought. This is intolerable in a small community like ours, where the fundamental values of consent, confidentiality, respect, kindness and mutual care should preside over any mature, responsible relationship. Finally, we need to know how to reasonably enrich the range of spankings. The use of the hand is essential to differentiate a good spanker from a mediocre or bad one. Use and learning are the only way to train. Observe, understand, imitate, reproduce, and finally discard models to acquire your own techniques. Imple≤ments are also essential, because to vary the intensity and duration of a spanking, you need to vary the sensations. And every implement creates a different impression. Where to spank is relatively easy to learn. We need to watch videos, see what the spankers do, how the spankee behave. Only then can we really know. We also need to learn to read body language and know where the spanker or the spankee are in their psyche. Indeed, in addition to the pain felt or given, the main sexual organ being the brain, many elements such as humiliation, frustration, regression, trust, abandonment or submission, as giver or receiver, enter into the affair. Having been spanked is an advantage for the spanker, but not a necessity. As far as implements are concerned, there is little point in having a table entirely covered with a variety of expensive implements. The first spankings should be mainly manual. And a hand muscles itself in a certain way. The implements come next: belts, brushes, ping-pong paddles, flip-flops, wooden rulers and spoons, slippers, national spanking instruments like the English cane, the Scottish tawse, the American paddle or the French martinet. And we can always imagine others. But be careful to use them wisely, taking into account the spankee's desires and abilities, the spanker's skills and the intrinsic qualities of each implement. Hard implements hurt more than leather ones, but after all, it's just a question of use and dose. It goes without saying that implements should not be used in their dangerous aspect, like a belt buckle. In any case, everyone should discover them at their own pace. Spankees sometimes have fetishes, as do spankers. One will hold the brush, another the martinet or the belt. We have to adapt without giving up our limits or our own desires. If an instrument doesn't suit you, don't insist. We have to admit that we don't know how to use an implement, or that we never will. It's also important to respect the limits of spankee. Some implements are frightening, overly so or for good reason, while others are unappealing or repulsive for various reasons. Never insist. There are still two points to consider. The creation of a profile and the question of images taken during our meetings. I'll deal with them another time.