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In this guide, I compile some of my personnel ideas (meaning not everyone may agree) on how to be a good spanker that efficiently meets nice spankee and slowly but surely build a network of spanking friends. I am quite sure this is not perfect because it is the first shot, but here we go ! I The starter kit: The very basic things that you need to know and have I.1 Know what you like and what you want The first things that any spanker should know or ask himself is : "What do I like about spanking ?". This is an important question because you will need to know that in order to set up your profile, and it will determine whether or not it might be a match with people that you could meet. There are many reasons why you may want to be a spanker. This includes: It is a deep rooted kink and you see yourself on the giving end. You have been on the receiving end and want to switch sides. You have a thing for the ritualistic aspect of spanking and punishment. You replay somekind of scene from your past that includes spanking. You have a spanking kink and enjoy being the one that turns other guys spanking fantasies into reality. You genuinly see yourself as a coach or mentor that can apply some strict discipline to errand lads in need of your assistance. You enjoy spanking as a sex foreplay, or as part of a broader BDSM scene, etc. There are many more, all valid reasons, which you can even combine. Having a good knowledge of which types of spanking scenes you like, and also don't like, will be useful to set up your profile and describe what kind of spanking sessions you can propose. I.2 Time and location are of the essence Let's start with location as this is perhaps the most basic requirement for a spanking meeting : it needs to happen somewhere. As such, living in a big cities and close to public transportations will be a great advantage compared to living in more remote areas. If you are in the latter case, you will need to be ready to move around a bit, or accept to welcome people into your home for longer periods of time (more about this later). Regarding the accomodation itself, while this is not mandatory, it is usually the spanker that should host any spanking meeting. Hosting a spanking at your place will always be more comfortable and will give you a psychological ascendant that is always a bonus in a spanker-spankee relationship. Your house should be clean and welcoming. An exception to this, is when you are travelling to another city far from your home. Then, using your hotel room, a B&B, or visiting your spankee at his place is perfectly acceptable. Does that mean that you can't be a good spanker if you can't host spanking at your place ? Not quite, but it is a problem if you can never host. The alternatives have been discussed already: Taking a hotel room. If you do so, avoid the cheapest ones that can really set up a creepy atmosphere. And you should also know, that to some spankees, hotel rooms and love hotels will be a turn off, and a deal breaker. Go spank your spankee at their place if they can host (which is not always the case). Besides from the loose of psychological power and the fact that you may quickly get bored when you put them in the corner, there is no real downside to it. Let's talk time now. Obviously you will need to find the time to meet people, whether it is to invite them at your place, or to travel to them. If you are only available on the 6th of each month between 1pm and 2pm, then between 5:30pm and 6pm, and only on full moon days, you will never meet anyone. You don't need to be available all the time, but you need to have a somewhat stable schedule and to know about it at least a few days in advance. Another thing that you need to know about time and availability is that not all spankings can be scheduled X weeks/monts in advance. For some spankees, the spanking need is a pulsion that comes and go. And when it comes, it needs to be dealt with quickly (as in within the next 2-3 days maximum). So don't plan on scheduling too long in advance with these guys. For others that are always in need of a good spanking, or like to build anticipation, as well as for coaching relationships, scheduling a long time in advance is easier. A last comment about time and location. As a rule of thumb, neither you nor your spankee should spend more time traveling to a session than the lenght of the session itself: You can be a great spanker, if your spankee needs to spend 3h in a train for a 30min session, he will stop coming at some point. Do not spend 4h and a ton of money in a plane/train travel in the hope of meeting a single spankee in a far away city. If you travel specifically for spanking purposes, you should book as many guys as you can because most of them will flake. Even better, if you can, do not travel just for spanking activities: it is better to travel for work, or to meet family and friend, and if some spanking meetings can happen, well it is a bonus ! I.3 Basics of spanking The last thing you need in your starter kit is to know how to spank in a safe and sane setting. This includes: Some basic butt anatomic knowledge to know where to spank and where not to spank. But also some basic sense of body language reading to know where your spankee is in term of mindspace and pain scale. Having a knowledge of BDSM elements such as SSC (safe sane and consensual) and RACK (risk aware consensual kink) is -in my opinion- mandatory. You should also know what "aftercare" is, and learn how to do it properly. This can make the difference between you being a spanker/dad/dom versus being a violent assh0le. Know how to use your hand, and have some of the basic implements that can be found at very low price and present little risks for beginners. The first part about where to spank should be relatively easy. Watch videos, see what other spanker do, and follow this schematic if you are still lost: The second part about reading body langage and knowing where your spankee is in his mindset requires more experience. And I am not going to lie : guys that have been spanked are going to be a lot better at it than any beginner spanker that has never been spanked before. Indeed, beyond the pain that might be inflicted by hand or using implements, spanking is a lot in the head and includes many elements such as humiliation, frustration, regression and abandonment that are quite difficult to understand and to read when one has never experienced them. Regarding the implements. I know for a fact that many beginner doms are overwhelmed and impressed when they see other spankers having tables fully covered with various implements that all look stingy and expensive when you look them up in the internet. I have two things to say about this One, in most cases at least 80% of these implements are crap that is rarely or never used. And two, if you want to be any good at spanking, your hand is your best weapon of choice ! The first spankings you give as a spanker should be mostly hand spankings: your spankee's butt should hurt more than your hand, and this requires training ! At first you might get some blisters and even bleedings. Slow down, keep training and it will improve with time. But you should know that your hand's skin will become less soft ! If you must invest in implements, aim for cheap but safe ones first: Brushes are inexpensive and can be found in any store. Don't buy online, go to the store and feel the wood ! Ping-pong paddles, flip-flops, wood rulers, slippers. If your country has a "national spanking implement", you may want to consider buying one : canes in the UK as well as in many commonwealth countries, a tawse in Scotland, a paddle in the USA and Canada, or a martinet in France. A word of caution on belts: While they are a common implement that is easy to find and can be found in a wide range of prices, it is not a beginner friendly implement ! If you want to use one, the buckle should ALWAYS be in your hand and never used to whip, start with very slow blows and a belt folded one or two times. Lashes shouldn't land anywhere else than the meaty part of the butt. And never apply a hard belting -especially if you don't know what you are doing- on a spankee that moves a lot ! II Setting up a profile that attracts people I am aware that there are many websites and apps to meet potential spankee and where you can set up a profile. This section aims at being generic, but you may need to adapt depending on the website you use most to meet people. II.1 Introducing yourself Your profile is often going to be the first contact that a potential spankee will have with you (and maybe the only one). Therefore, it needs to be as complete and attractive as possible. Furthermore, keep in mind that there are usually more spankers than spankees in a given place, so you will need to have a profile as good if not better than the other guys profiles. The key element of any profile that we will discuss in this section is your profile description, which is usually a few lines long (depending on the website), and is the best place to introduce yourself. If it is empty (or mostly empty), or if it isn't attractive, chances are you will struggle to meet anyone. The basic information that any profile description should contain (if they are not already displayed in other fields): Your location Who you are : your age, a basic physical description (height, weight, body type), and your experience if possible A description of what you like and what you are looking for (see I.1) Who you are looking for : age range, body type, are you straight friendly or not, etc. Any hard limits that you have (if there is space left): e.g. not into scenarios, no blood, no sex, etc. A few pitfalls to avoid in your profile description: Having a description that is very specific about what you want to do to your potential spankees, but says nothing about you or who you want to meet. It will mostly attract wankers, but you will never meet them. Example: "I will pull your pants down and spank you very hard on your bare bottom like a little boy. Then, you will go to the corner with your red butt for everyone to see, and you will wait for me to come trash your ass with my very large leather belt !" Having a description that makes you sound like a dead German philosopher. This is cool if you want to meet only people with at least 5 years of higher education, but everyone else will flee in terror. Example: "Spanking is a wonderful voyage where physical pain meets the spiritual extasy of endorphins and shame, all colliding together until your body and mind submit to the punishment, and at last you will know peace." Having a description that says nothing. Example: "Hello, I am Patrick, I am a 38yo writter. I like all sorts of boys. So, I want to meet like-minded guys that share my spanking interest and are staying nearby." Copy-pasting the description of another spanker of switch (partly or everything). You don't want people to believe that you have no personnality, or worst that you are a catfish. Eventually, depending on who contacts you and your success rate, you will figure out what is wrong with your description. Does it give too many details ? Not enough ? Is it missing something ? It will all come together. II.2 Posting pictures on your profile Whenever it is possible, it is usually a good thing to have pictures on your profile as it is a good way to show others what you like, and what you do. Your profile picture is perhaps the only picture that you will have to decide on nearly all applications and meeting websites. So pick wisely. It can be a face picture, a picture of your hand, a picture of an implement, one of your spanking picture, a drawing, or a spanking picture you like. My advice on profile picture would be that it is important to have one. Anything with even a few information about you is better than nothing. Then, you have the other pictures (think pictures albums in spankthishookups, or the pictures you share here on southspanking). These pictures are very important because they will tell A LOT about what you like, sometimes even more than your description ! If you post a lot of corner time pictures, it will emplies that you enjoy doing it. Lots of pictures with canes, you are a cane user ! Mostly badly bruised asses, then you like to give it hard ! Spanked asses with a zoom on butt holes, you might not be "straight guy friendly" ! You get the idea. And this is true even if the pictures you use are not your own. This leads us to two other points : What to do if you have very few or no pictures of your own ? And how to carefully choosing the captions with your pictures. If you don't have your own spanking pictures (or if they are not great), there is always the possibility of having pictures of implements that you like. A picture of your hand, or your knees. A shot of your chair with a belt carefully placed on the side. Use your imagination, and with the right captions, you can probably make pictures that will reflect on what you like. Alternatively, you can also use pictures from studios or from other spankos, but don't forget to credit them ! You may also put them in an album called "My method from web pictures", or "things I like". The worst thing that you can do when using others pictures, is not crediting and claiming them as your own, and their is a bonus if you add a dumb caption below explaining how YOU spanked this guy so hard. Since we are on the topic of captions, it is one of these rare case where no caption is better than a bad caption. A picture alone is relatively open to interpretation depending on whom sees it. On the other hand, if you add a caption, then the picture becomes what you say it is. "I spanked this little slut until he begged, and only then i let him suck my dick" is a good example of a bad caption that ruins the mood with this picture. Remember that you will attract people that can identify with what you post. And alternatively, you will repell people for which what you post is beyond their limits or not to their taste. And it will happen even before you can exchange a single message ! My advice is: unless you are almost exclusively into practices that you know are non-consensual or divisive : try to stay neutral and consensual with the pictures you post and their captions. III Getting in touch with spankees III.1 Contacting first or letting them contact you ? This is a difficult question and it will depend on how well you are established, and the number of potential spankees around you. That being said, no matter your experience, it costs you nothing to send a message to a new comer or a spankee you are interested in. The rules to do so are simple: read his profile, and if you don't see anything obvious that suggests that you may not be a match, send a message. The message should be polite, and if you are not inspired, it can be an extended version of your profile description with the needed adaptations to what the lad you are interested in seems to be into. You may also add to your message some potential availability and a more specific location than in your profile. As you may not get a second chance, take your time to write it and proof-read it. If you are established enough (you already have a good reputation -even as a spankee-, a pool of spankees, and a profile that works), you can wait for people to message you. But you should know that you will get less hits and not necessarily the ones you are the most interested in. Waiting is also a good option if you have only little availability. III.2 Know when to stop messaging It can be frustrating to send messages and get no answer at all. And even more to exchange a few messages and then no more answers without any warning, or even : the guy blocks you for no obvious reason. Even if it can seem quite rude to you, there are probably reasons behind it: With a new comer that is in his 20s: it is likely that every single spanker in the area sent him a message at the same time as you did. That's a lot of messages. Yours didn't make it. Try again in a week or two if you sees that his profile is still active. He is part of these guys with a beginner profile since 5 years: It's not you, they never answer any messages. There is no profile picture, the age in the description is 2 years behind the profile age. No need to try to reach them again, it is a waste of time. You exchanged a few messages. He asked you how you wanted to spank him. You explained with many details. And then he stops answering. Most likely he had a great time in front of his screen reading about your spanking scenario, he jerked off and doesn't need you anymore. It is nothing personnal, he wasn't ready. Try again in a few months. In any case, unless it is with a regular, if a guy doesn't answer you after 2-3 messages while his account seems to be active or if you know that he did receive your messages; it means that he is not interested. So, stop messaging. You don't want to be that sticky guy that sends messages every days. IV Improve your skills and grow your network IV.1 Invest and improve your skills With time and if all goes well, you should get at least one, or a few regular spankees. Having regular is a good opportunity to improve your skills both with implements, but also on the psychological side of spanking. As they learn to trust you, your regulars will be more open about what they like or not during their sessions with you. Take the time to listen and learn ! Remember that -unlike what some morons think- spanking as any BDSM activities is mostly about what the sub/spankee needs and enjoy. Your spankees will also open up more about their deeper spanking desires, and most likely will be willing or even asking for harder sessions. Use this to progress with your skills and explore new things with them. Speaking of harder sessions, if you did not already, you should learn how to do a proper aftercare. Basically, you don't make a guy cry or push him beyond his limits and push him out of your flat in 5min right after the spanking is over. The more you push, the more you should spend time soothing them and taking care of them after the spanking is over. Soothing cream, warm blankets, hugs, massages, hot cocoa and cookies might prove useful. It is also curtuous to ask if everything is well 24 to 48h after the session: mental breakdowns can happen even after they have left your place. And knowing if the eventual bruises are healing well is an important information. Keep in mind that in your learning process you will make mistakes, and not everything will work for both parties. But this is a good thing, because you will know what not to do next time to make your sessions better. As time passes and you meet more people, you can also surely but surely invest into new spanking implements. I usually suggest not to invest into anything expensive unless you have lots of requests for it from locals spankees, or if the request comes from a regular. I also suggest to put the price rather than buying a crappy toy that makes a lot of noise, doesn't hurt much, and will be destroyed after only a few slaps. For my good toys, I personally like https://www.cane-iac.com/ , but I know they can be expensive! IV.2 Respect the limits: your spankees' limits, but also yours I mentionned a few times the importance of safe, sane and consensual meetings when it comes to spanking, as well as the need to be careful when searching for profiles that match your needs. Nevertheless I will insist that one of the key to becoming a successful spanker is to respect the limits of the people you will meet ! A spanker or dom that consider that he does what he wants to a sub/spankee is a bad dom/spanker, this is wrong, can lead to pursuit, and at least will give you a very bad reputation. I will push things further by saying that a good spanker/dom should insist that his potential spankee/sub gives him some hard limits. A spankee/sub that doesn't know or doesn't have any limits is a disaster waiting to happen and you should avoid meeting him. Limits to ask for include: Sex or no sex. This one should always be discussed before any meeting. And yes, a surprise finger in the butt counts as sex, and can be very much unwanted even if your spankee is gay ! Severity of the bruises, especially if the guy tells you he is partnered. And it is your role to know how to handle your implements, and to stop (or abort the session early) before crossing any fixed limit Pain : do we remain soft, do we push you to your pain limit ? a bit beyond your limit ? do we turn you into a crying mess ? A word of advice : don't cross their pain limit if you are not great with aftercare. Nudity and physical contact: some straight lads are very strict about this. Drawing blood: Sanitize your implements well if you do it. (you should sanitize them anyway, but even more carefully if you draw blood). There is no such thing as a spankee with too many limits. If he has too many limits to your taste, then don't meet him. And finally, you may ask for some limits to be pushed -slowly-, but it is best to do it only with spankees you already know, and if they say no, then you should respect their refusal. We have discuss a lot the limits of potential people you will meet, but you should also consider yours. A common issue of beginner to mid-experienced spanker is that they tend to accept any spankee so long as he is young and has a very cute butt, even though said good-looking spankees are asking for something very far from the spanker interests. It is sometimes difficult, but you should no to refuse a cute spankee if what he asks doesn't match with what you are looking for. If you still meet regardless of the poorly matching profile, either or both of you may end up being dissapointed with the session. Please note that the same can happen when you get lots of demands: follow your guts and refuse meeting that yhou know deep down will not work. Less meetings is better than lots of bad ones. IV.3 Networking and reputation As they will gain momentum, your network and your reputation will be your main tools to meet new lads, some of which might not have accepted to meet you before. A spankeed satisfied with your session is your best ambassador ! Do not hesitate to ask your regulars if it is okay to use them as references for guys that are hesitant to meet you. Treat them with respect, and always ask their permission to post their pictures or videos on your profile : it is their butt that is going to be on the internet for tghe world to see, not yours ! Their spanked ass will be your visit card, so you must be grateful to them, and respect their wishes if they want some picture or caption to be changed or removed at any point. Treating your network well is part of growing your reputation, and it takes only a few disgrunted spankees to ruin years of hard work building your reputation. So be extra cautious and on your toes about this. What about other spankers in your areas ? Well, you should also try your best to maintain neutral to good relation with them ! First, it takes several spankees and spankers to organize spanking parties.  Other spankers are also a good source of information to know which lads are flakes, who is a wanker, and even to share information about what works or not about spankees you have in common (with their consent, always). Furthermore, as we mentionned in section I, everyone has different tastes and availability. In other words, you can send them spankees that are not a match for you, and you may expect them to do the same. Petty jealousy with another spanker "because he gets all the spankees", or "because he spanked X last week so now he can't meet with me", or "because he has a more intimate/different relationship with Y" is generally a bad idea. Very few spankees are exclusive, so their is a good chance that you will have your turn if you are a good match too. Asking a spankee to choose between 2 spankers he likes is also a bad idea because even if he chooses you, your relationship will be damaged. In the same vein, a bit of teasing between spankers is okay, but blattant and free provocation between spankers should be avoided: any spankees involved will notice and it won't look good. It is even worst if other members of the community notice, and too much teasing will make you the bad guy, which can also damage your reputation. Lastly, slandering or speaking ill of another spanker should be avoided: at some point someone will notice that it was a lie, most likely his network of spankos will speak out, and it won't do you any good. The only situations where it is acceptable to warn other members of the community about a spanker and to give him a bad reputation include: You know for a fact that he doesn't respect consent and has broken hard limits about sex, bruises or drawing blood. in other words, he is violent and or dangerous. Even in this case, you should rather push spankees that were the victims to speak out first. Minors are involved.

Hi Everyone, Sorry I have been absent lately, we have had a whole lot going on here, all from a personal perspective, I have had zero time on the site and I apologize. I also want to thank everyone that has donated to the site, I am picking up emails and if you have not recieved a personal thank you from me, I will get around to it, your support means a whole lot to me and to the site. I hope everyone is well .. as you know today is Sunday, so my own bare bottom spent some qaulity time over my dad's lap and my bottom being displayed in the corner afterwards.  It's a hard life for a boy! .. well his bottom anyway! hugggggiieeeesssssssssssssssss James

A warning about pants and briefs at ankles!   Well fellow boys, I have to confess that my dad and hubby always takes down my pants and undies himself, baring my bottom for punishment.  I do actually prefer it that way, and in a crazy sort of way, it makes me feel a little ‘pampered’.  I suppose as he really is my ‘authority’ figure I allow myself to be prepared for the consequences as he sees fit.   So last night, there he was bending down into the bed room closet, and of course instinct took over, there in front mf my very eyes were his bottom stretched nice and tightly and my hand got itchy.  I swung it as hard as I could and it landed with a very satisfying slap.   As my hand landed and I heard that wonderful slap, I knew right away I was in big trouble, but of course there is no going back, the deed had been done.  Normally I am taken to the spanking chair, bottom bared and then over the knee I go but he decided to take down my pants and undies right there and then.  As he took me by my ear to lead me to the chair, I tripped on the pants and undies that were tangled around my ankles and fell pretty hard.   After a lot of fussing, and about ½ hour later when he was satisfied that no damage had been done, I got my bottom tanned and sat in the corner for a while.  Afterwards he told me that from now on, my pants and underwear would be completely removed for all future spankings, and that he would still be stripping me down himself.    It is something to think about, I could have for example tripped and fallen on to the corner of the table hitting my head.  So, beware and be careful if you find yourself in a similar situation.   And to those Dad’s and Tops that are about to say something like ‘Well if you had behaved it would never have happened’ – well for sure you are correct, but I stick my tongue out to you and blow a raspberry!   Hugssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss   James

Guys, It has taken me a few days to make this post, mainly because I am still actually working on the site. What we have successfully completed is to fix our server faults and to upgrade to the latest version of our current script with a fresh database. We are not finished and we will be upgrading to social engine. I would like to explain a little about performance.  In the coming days / weeks, I will be focusing on it, so that we get to a point where speed and performance is acceptable, that is as far as it goes.  After that I will be working on the social engine migration. Site performance is determined by a number of factors, these include the hardware, operation system, web server, database driver, cache manager and of course at the application level.  In order to get these perfect, would require some intervention from a seasoned professional, as there are literally hundreds of variables involved.  In our case we have Centos 8 - LiteSpeed WebServer - MariaDB - PHP 7.4 -  Redis - Phpfox (as you can see a lot of possible variables) I can do a lot of it but by no means all of it.  One of the things that really helps with a sites speed and performance is a cache plugin and there are a number of these available for Social Engine and WordPress, however nothing for our script, PhpFox. The Social Engine migration will run along side our current script, and no down time will be required until we are fully tested and ready to move.  That is an important feat, and largely due to what we have achieved recently. When we get that move over to Social Engine, I promise you – performance issues will be a thing of the past and mobile and tablet versions of the site will run exceptionally well.  If we want to attract new members and especially younger ones, we need it all to work. I appreciate your patience, and I know I have not delved into a whole lot in this post, but I am hoping to give you some insight on the direction I am moving.  All I can do is ask for your continued support, understanding and patience.    James

Polonius to Laertes: Fatherly advice to a flake (and since I'm weak, it includes one last chance, a FAT chance no doubt) Son, I don’t usually address the “boys” I try to work with to get them what they say they need, good hard spanking, as “son.” But in your case, since I’m easily old enough to be your father and since we seem to have evolved into a sort of nag/nagee relationship, I’m indulging. I don’t like that part of it any more than you do. This is a long letter. I hope you will read it, but, obviously, that’s your choice. So, listen, son. I hardly know you. Never seen your face. But I’ve interacted with you quite a lot, so I’m gonna tell you what I perceive and you can either take it in or not. First off, I’m done with the back and forth. Don’t bother to e mail me with “What time are you available next week?,” or anything like that, because that’s gone nowhere for over 20 attempts at an encounter and I’m not doing that anymore. But the reason I’ve been fairly patient with you is I sense that you are a sweet guy, maybe a little vulnerable, looking for some literal tough love but basically just want to be happy and fulfilled like everybody else. And even though I don’t really know you, I want that for you, too. We don’t really get a huge deal out of spanking younger guys, believe it or not. It’s fun, it energizes us, we like the encounters and getting to know guys who are out there looking for happiness and need a literal whack in the butt now and then. We do this for them. You may be skeptical of that, but it’s true. Straight or gay, doesn’t really matter. In my experience, men who need to get spanked often end up seeking out other men because women mostly either aren’t interested or just aren’t that good at it. They spank too hard or not hard enough, timing wrong, or, worst of all, they laugh at you. It’s funny to them. Some men do that, too, and I kind of hate it, but somehow from a man it’s different. Anyway, there are exceptions. There are guys who find women to spank them and it’s a perfect match. So, I’ll say this: whoever is your perfect match, who will take you in hand, pants down, and spank you till your butt is smokin’ crimson (which you clearly need), I hope you find them. And I hope you find fulfillment, success, and happiness on all levels. You deserve it. You’re obviously smart, affectionate, engaging. I suspect you’re adorable in the right context. One little piece of fatherly advice you may not need, but I’ll give it anyway. Don’t think this need is going to go away, or that you can treat it totally casually like it doesn’t matter. It’s part of who you are. You wouldn’t have kept up a dialog with me for over a year if that weren’t true. Please believe me when I tell you this. You need to come to terms with this, face it and find your way into it so that you are fulfilled and getting what you want and need out of it. You need to give that a certain level of priority so that it actually happens in your life. And that brings me to my other fatherly advice. Son, you need to start treating other people with more respect for their time. In every encounter, in business, in your personal life, every encounter… take a few seconds to picture how it looks from their side. Are you respecting their time? Treating them as you would like to be treated? Taking them seriously? Or do you seem to be only concerned with what you want? Do you ignore what they ask of you and focus on your goal? Because people see that, and they feel used and dismissed. I suspect you don’t even realize you are doing this, but, I’m telling you for your own good: you are. You will be happier, more fulfilled, and more successful, on all levels, if you take what I just said seriously and try to apply it to your life. I know I sound holier than thou, and I’ve probably been worse than you are right now for a lot of my life in exactly these respects, but I’ve learned this. The hard way. Focus your attention on others’ needs and what they want, and then act in the awareness both of what you want and they want, and you will almost magically achieve things that have been hard for you to work out. And a damn good spanking wouldn’t hurt either. LOL. OK, I will end my sermon now and tell you how it is. I meant it when I said I hope you find what you want, including in this special need we both understand that most people just don’t have. It’s not insurmountable, or a curse. Just the opposite, as people say these days, it’s a superpower. It’s socially unacceptable, so you have to be discreet, but it’s perfectly doable, and you can make it work to keep you in line, keep your emotional and physical tone in the right place, and, well, I think you know: if you’re into it, there simply is no greater turn on. That’s what kinks really are: highly focused maximum turn-ons, that people find out at some point in their life is really there, and not going away. It’s not purely sexual, but it carries over into whatever other erotic activity you engage in and intensifies it and makes it so much better. So. I expect nothing from you. Maybe you didn’t even read all of this. People don’t like to be lectured. But if you did, here’s how it’s gotta be. I imagine I will not hear from you again, but if you really want to break through the crap and get together, after all, there is only one way that’s gonna happen. You have to propose an encounter. Day and time. And convince me you will really show up. One last chance. My husband will likely be there, but possibly not, you have to take that as part of the deal. If you do show up, you can expect a really hard spanking that will leave you red and sore for a couple of days. Because that’s what you really need right now; believe me, I can tell. Like I said, I don’t expect anything. But those are the terms, so you decide. In any case, best of luck to you, in all sincerity. I mean it when I say I hope you are fulfilled and happy in your life, whether it includes any further encounter with me or not.  ~David

‘You’re getting the hairbrush and corner time’     OR ‘Time for the strap son, now go wait in the corner’   OR ‘Fetch the paddle NOW’   Come on Dads!   Why can’t we boys pick our own punishment, why can’t it be:   ‘Do you want the paddle or my hand ‘  OR ‘Do you need some corner time’      OR ‘Do you deserve punishment’    OR ‘hugs or spanking Son’   See .. we could pick!

Okay guys, I have completed the final phase of testing on our test site.   What I have done is essentially replicated the entire script, with the latest version and a fresh database.  At present the data is correct and it functions as expected.   Videos are uploading perfectly and groups are also working.  Also, the videos will now play in full mode as they should from both the feed and the actual menu option.   I am getting ready to do the final import, at sometime today or tomorrow.   We are stripping out a lot of blocks and modules that frankly we just do not need and this will help with overall performance.   I kicked up a fuss with the script author over several modules that we purchased and are no longer compatible, the resolution is that they have given us access to the mobile application that can be downloaded from both Google Play and the Apple Stores.  This will be configured once we export over and the site is up to speed with no problems.  I will post more about this, but essentially it will help a lot for those members that prefer using mobile devices.  Desktop users will not notice and difference.   I have also upgraded our license for our chat bar (not the one presently in use), this will give us full download access to the latest version and both audio and video chat capabilities.  In order to reduce overhead on the server we will be using their push notification service.  The installation will require the chat bar authors technical support and again on completion of the export, I will raise a ticket to get everything installed correctly.  This will be free of charge for us.   We will now be running with two servers and a VPS.  The main server, as well as a backup server which will have replication setup, the backup server will also act as content delivery network or CDN, which will be next on the list for configuration.  The VPS is going to be used for research and development and aid with out move eventually to social engine.   So, hope some of this makes sense, and now of course is the time to put it all together.  I will setup an announcement as soon as I have decided which day and what time.  While the refresh of the main server and data export is taking place, the site will be unavailable for several hours.   Thanking everyone for their continued support and patience.

So, having spent some time testing, evaluating and frustrating .. here is some good news.   With a fresh installation, no bells and whistles but with complete functionality, the site will work for mobile based devices, including phone and tablets from an app that can be downloaded via google and apple stores. (Please do NOT download and attempt to connect, just yet).   I want to emphsize that for desktop users everything will be as it is right now, no need for downloading apps ..   We do have a number of modules that will not work with the mobile side of things and would need to be removed, but everything such as videos, photos, posts etc will 100% work on both desktop and mobile devices.   The chat bar will not work on mobile and tablets, but there is a certified one from the script vendor that will work on both desktops and mobiles, it also allows video chat, conferences and more.  If you want to check it out here is the URL:   https://store.phpfox.com/apps/chatplus   It is pricey but with this installed and mobile working properly, it will greatly enhance the site and member experience.   If we strip out all the whistle and bells, simplify things, it will also speed up the site .. so I will do more testing and then update you what is our next move.  To be honest it is looking very positive right now.   Hugs   James    

Life seems to be getting back on track.  My second Covid vaccination was two weeks ago.  Yesterday, I had my first spanking in eleven months.  And it was a big one! This spanking was actually with the same top I saw last August.  At the time, I was looking for a more limited session and he was really good with consent.  So I came back asking for more! One thing that struck me as the day approached was how much I’ve been looking forward to getting my butt beat again.  Of course, I willingly asked for a hard spanking and travelled to him to receive it.  But it’s good to know I’m still attracted to the physical side of spankings.  Though I think I was also suffering from “forgetting what it feels like” syndrome. We started with his hand.  I like a bit of hand spanking.  At first, I concentrated on the hardness between my stomach and the arm of the sofa.  But the swats on my butt soon took hold of my attention. Next was the leather paddle.  That’s an interesting sensation - thuddy in the middle and stingy on the sides.  The pain quickly began to build up.  This was the point where I started to get concerned about what I was in for. Then the top picked up the plimsoll and told me, “this is going to hurt”.  He wasn’t wrong!  I really felt every swat. After that, I was allowed to get up and do a bit of cornertime.  My butt was already pulsing with heat.  But everything so far was just the warm up. It was soon time to bend over again.  This time for the punishment strap.  I took 50 hard strikes of leather.  That really got some noises out of me!  And then it was straight on to the cane… The following is a personal note from Ageless Al to himself:  I don’t like the cane! I’ve gained more attraction to the fantasy of the cane over the course of the pandemic.  I entered the meet ready to go all-in on a hard punishment.  My resolve was broken after two dozen strokes of the cane.  When the top checked in with me, I paused…  and then still asked him to bring the number up to 33 strokes.  But that was the end. In the aftermath, I’m not quite as keen to jump into a heavy punishment.  But I suppose that’s a natural reaction to a good caning.  The cane certainly isn’t a limit if another top thinks I need it. My arse is still sore a day later.  My walking got very stiff when I’d been sitting down yesterday.  This session was a good reminder that pain hurts.  But I’m already starting to think about arranging my next spanking meet...

Guys, I know we are still having problems, oh believe me I know!  As much as it is frustrating for you, trust me when I tell you it is more so for myself, but I do have an action plan and it is being implemented.   Also I have not been on the site a lot posting, I simply really do not have the time, I will try here and there, but I really must crack on with this.   The problems can be broken down a bit to server and script, The server we have is actually a very good machine, with a great specification and more than capable of handing three times as many users and the same in content. The largest headache has been Cyberpanel + Litespeed and I love the setup, however it breaks and more often than not, I simply have no idea as to why that is.  At the moment I cannot access several important components, which I really do need.   The script has been a pill as well, the authors updated it so that our old chat bar ceased to function, and you know that is not all right and really pisses me off.  It also screwed up groups and messed up the video playing screen. So enough I say!  It’s time to get us back up and running without all the crap and BS ... no more headaches!   Okay so on the test server (backup server), I have spent days, replicating problems and being able to pinpoint as to where they are coming from, i.e., server or script.  It was tedious but necessary.   I am very confident that I can now move forward and get everything fixed.   This will begin with a fresh copy of the script and a brand-new database; I will then import all the user data into this database.  Next, I will copy in all the videos and images.  This will all be done on the backup server, so no downtime at this point.   Once completed and fully tested on a stable control panel we used in the past, I will reinstall our main server, and copy everything over to it fr om our backup server.   Then we will optimize databases, php and cache system   And oaky poky, pig in a poky - we should be all set.   I just wanted to give you an update, in case you were thinking I was sitting on my butt doing nothing!  So please do excuse me, if I am not on the site posting right now, you know why.   James

Which Works Best for you? Do you mix sex and Spankings? Do you find it a complex question? Since every Daddy and every adult boy is different, I'd be really interested to hear from others, both boys and the Men Who Spank. Let us know what you think!   Carrot or Stick?  For those of us seeking a Domestic Discipline relationship (or in one), you already know the answer for you and your boy. But sometimes it's hard to decide which one it should be. And as males we mostly all know how hard it is to stay sexually attracted to the same person for an extended period of time.    For Daddy and me, Daddy regulates our sexual behaviour too. It's not just a beating on my bottom and that's that. I had to learn to be his boy in the bed first, only then did I get sent to my bedroom for bad behaviour and a whoopin. That turned out to be a good time. Being trained to be his boy (and his training that I quietly "lead" to make sure he was an effective sexual partner as the Man In Charge), we have been able to sustain a sexual and disciplinary Daddy/boy dynamic that works pretty well. I came home after a long time away with family and I found myself really leaning into Daddy. I would just walk up to him in the kitchen and lay my head on his shoulder while he stood there making coffee. Or while he was working, in between his work calls, I'd ask to sit on his knee. Before dinner at a friend's house last night, I asked to sit on his lap while he watched TicToc videos in the living room. I planted a big kiss on him, and after some smooches back, he stood up, pulled down his shorts and I began doing what boys like me are expected to do with Daddy's tool in their face.    Filling Your boy's Mouth Can Be As Important As Spanking His Fanny Red   In the end, it'd been about 10 days apart, and I said to Daddy, "Let's go to the bedroom, at this time of day, anyone can see what we're doing in the front window. We need to be polite." So we did. He bent me over and filled me up. So sometimes the carrot is just as important as The Stick in maintaining a healthy, happy Dom/sub relationship or Daddy/son relationship. In our case, I felt very much his boy and really lucky that Daddy serviced himself with my body. I felt very obedient and happy about that.    Spanking Your boy's Bottom Can Be As Important As Filling His Body With Your Seed There's a funny thing that we do which is keep the adult boy and the sexual behaviour separate. While I often call him Daddy during sex, I am expected to behave as an adult during sex and so I do as I'm told. This means when I'm disciplined, I behave as a boy, not an adult. It's very helpful for us. It creates a useful dividing line and ends up with much more powerful, memory-implanting experiences.   Which Works Best for you? Do you mix sex and Spankings? Do you find it a complex question? Since every Daddy and every adult boy is different, I'd be really interested to hear from others, both boys and the Men Who Spank. Let us know what you think!

Well guys, as much as I hate doing it and I try very hard not to, it is time for a fundraiser for the site. Now please, only donate if you can afford to do so, I mean that.  Right now, with the pandemic everyone is in a difference place, financially, Healthwise and Career Wise.  It is important to concentrate on what matters the most and this site should not be a top priority. If you want to donate, please click on the donate button, or if you have not sone so already consider updating your membership.   Hugs and many thanks   James

Well guys, as you know the upgrade caused us downtime of several days, something I wanted to avoid.  I could have restored from our backup and got us back on-line much sooner, however we would not have achieved our goal.    This upgrade was 100% necessary and I am happy to say will be the very last one using this script.   Do you notice anything different?   I hope not!  You are not supposed to!   The purpose of the upgrade was simply to get the database and file structure updated while identifying blocks and modules that were no longer compatible and of course removing them.   We did this because we want to move away from this script PHPFOX to SOCIAL ENGINE.  Having everything updated makes it easier for support requests with the new script and the database importer.   The script we use at present was developed and created by an amazing guy called Raymond Benc, he had an awesome team of developers and support personnel.  The script was in high demand and new Apps and modules were being heavily developed by 3rd party vendors.   Raymond was forced to sell the script to a company called Younet a number of years ago.  Now they have their fingers in many pies and their business model is to raise as much money as they can from existing script owners.  They have done this by introducing a new product tier and if you want the updated Apps such as mobile, you need to pay a premium of 300% of your original purchase price to get your product updated.  Not only that you then have to pay on-going annual fees.   Okay, this may have been sustainable and of course had to be considered.  Even if I had gone this route, no one is really developing anything new for PHPFOX, basically it’s really only YOUNET themselves.  In contrast Social Engine has a healthy and vibrant 3rd party community   They just screwed me again, by removing support for our chat bar, so I am forced to use one we bought some time ago, its slower but will do the trick meantime.  They did this because, they have developed their own system, with a price tag of almost 1K – now aren’t they just clever?   Now that this upgrade has been achieved, we can start work on a move to SOCIAL ENGINE.  The best part about this is, that it will be developed alongside our existing script.  This means no downtime until we are ready to go live and even then, it will be minimum.   When we achieve this move, which I will begin working on today, we will have an awesome site that is quick, full of the features we want and fully compatible with mobile devices.  That is where we need to be.   I will be posting more on this later, and if you have any questions, please go ahead and reach out.   James

Folks, So I am just going to come out and say this, we are an all-inclusive site, period. Do we have Gay members, YES, do we have straight members YES, do we have transgender members YES and do we have Female members YES. If you do not like a photo or a video or a comment, then you can personally choose not to watch it or view it and can block content from members you do not wish to see.   It really is that simple. If you want to be an banned word .. then leave .. just go, because you are not wanted here. What possible pleasure can you get from disrespectful and abusive behavior huh?   Get a life .. and so you know there is zero tolerance for this, and why?  Because I said so and as I own the site, that is the way it is, period.  If you don't like my explanation, well too bad for you. I do not often get angry but tonight I am pissed, just think about tolerance, think about inclusion and think very, very, hard on what being a 'bigot' means.  Those with such short-sighted minds, well God help you. Enough Said James AND Denis

Can anyone tell me how to resurrect the chat facility on South Spanking.  The link used to appear down at the bottom of the screen, right side, but over the last few weeks it just slowly sank down into the tray at the bottom of the screen, and has now disappeared altogether?

Okay you naughty boys and ever so strict dads n tops!  So I have just managed to disable the freaking touchpad on my laptop .. which was driving me nuts, now I can actually type without the mouse flipping up and down lines and screwing up my text. I am in the UK right now and will be here for at least the next 6 months.  So presently in quarantine and Dad has insisted I just wear my PJ’s, as we can’t go out.  Yea that has nothing to do with the fact he can bare my tail easily whenever he feels like it, and the number of excuses he has found to land several swats at a time on my butt have increased a lot! Now I am on holiday, and you would think that my weekly review and punishment sessions would be suspended, right?  Nope, not at all, I had my behind royally tanned yesterday, can you believe it? Oh and it gets worse, I do plan on visiting several Dads/Tops over the course of my visit and my dear old dad Denis is going to ask them to conduct the review session, in the event I am with them on a Sunday!  Now come on, even the sternest of Dads must admit, that is not fair!  And yes, I know I can be naughty, even when on holidays – but that is not the point, hello I am on holidays! Okay rant over for now! and just in-case you are wondering, my Pop has found an empty corner to stand me in, dang that sucks! Hugsssss

So an update on what has been going on. I did a server rebuild and moved us over to a better web server, Litespeed as opposed to Apache.  This had to be done for several reasons, speed being an obvious one but also because the server had some faults, including its networking.  It takes a long time to do this, because I have to move the data from the server to a backup VPS and then back again.  When we do the copy back to the server, given the large amount of data, it is a six-hour process.  That said, this will be the last build for the next 18 months, unless the hardware fails. On the networking, it proved to be extremely frustrating and I am pissed about it.  We used Enom as our domain host, because the interface is easy to use and because propagation is virtually instant.  Enom sold out to Hover and I have never seen a more useless control panel in my life.  I was unable to edit name servers or glue records with it constantly giving me ‘auth’ errors.  I did create a ticket and I am still waiting and that was over 24 hours ago.  Part of the networking issue was that guys could not get to the site from some locations, there was a problem with DNS. Given that Hover screwed me right up the middle, I signed up for a month’s trial with a DNS hosting provider, which seems to be going well.  At the very least it gives me a month to move to another domain registrar, because hover can go f*** themselves.  Do let me know if you are experiencing problems, but I will have our own private nameservers back up again soon. I had hoped to run upgrades and fix some other issues, but again I struck out of luck as the script installer and upgrade routine constantly failed.  To that end, I have duplicated the site on the same server and will work on refreshing the database from scratch.  What that means in practice, is I install the script fresh with no data.  I then using a copy of our database strip all the extra modules out and all the core components and export to a file.  On the fresh database, I simply drop all the tables that are populated on our live database, and then merge the two together.  It is time consuming, but I will get it done. So you guys now we are still moving away from the scrip to social engine, I just need to figure a lot of bits and pieces on that.  It’s a totally different can of worms, but again I will get it done.  As I have said before once we get over onto social engine, everything will run smoother and nicer, including progressive web apps. So that’s it from me, and I am considering having a large southern comfort.   Hugs   James

Hey all. So today, I am going to try and get the site back to normal, and fix all those niggle bugs as well as an upgrade or two. Part of this process involves reloading and reconfiguring the actual server. Backups have been completed and will be updated before I begin. All going well this process will take between 5 - 6 hours, though if I hit snags it may take longer. As of this moment, I plan on starting in 2 hours time, which is 10am AZ time. The status page will work on southspanking.net and I will update that as I go along. I hope you all have a spanking good day!   James

If you own more than 5 hairbrushes that have never been used on your hair... ...you might be a spanko. If you have more than one drawer in your dresser devoted to underwear... ...you might be a spanko. If someone offers you the wooden spoon from making cookies and you can't lick it because you wonder who's butt it's been used on... ...you might be a spanko. If you reflexively start to bend over when someone takes their belt off... ...you might be a spanko. If you reflexively clench your butt when you hear someone yelling at their offspring... ...you might be a spanko. If TSA winks and pats their butt after x-raying your carry on... ...you might be a spanko. If you didn't know razor strops were used to sharpen razors... ...you might be a spanko. If trying on jeans includes checking your butt out in the mirror and smacking it... ...you might be a spanko. If your idea of wood categories are 'stingy' or 'thuddy'... ...you might be a spanko. If someone tells you it's their birthday and your first thought is when and if they will be getting spanked... ...you might be a spanko. If you have a few tubes of Arnica in your bathroom... ...you might be a spanko. If you are familiar with the film "wayfairers and toilers"... ...you might be a spanko. If someone mentions the Board of Education and you think of a paddle.. ...you might be a spanko.   Feel free to add yours below:

So guys, I have decided with my dad's permission to share some bits and pieces of email exchages we had, before we go together.  Now these are answers to questions that I had posed (the questions are not included), but I think he explains our dad/son relationship in a clearer way that I can and what is involved or how we put it together.  So you know I have never felt I have been 'beaten' or 'abused' and way at all. It is not for everyone, and I have always felt loved, even when I have been very well spanked or punished. Effective discipline does not have to be brutal, just effective and meaningful. There is a lot of good psychology based on not just what you say, but even more importantly based on what you imply.  I do understand.  The time and place when I take down your jeans and briefs is always only up to your Dad.  That's just how it always will be. Dad will have your briefs and your bottom bare at his discretion and you will come to appreciate the feel of Dad’s hand anytime be it for comfort or a nice sharp sting when you need it.  There will be times when you really don’t want it but a true son says, “Yes, Dad” every time regardless.  You’re not used to that! Yes, I think “we” is the issue.  You’re never going to be spanked without my full participation, including emotionally as it is my hand (most of the time) that is causing you to tear up. Yes, the mainstay of your will be frequent and/or sudden and/or scheduled for you to be hugged and talked with, probably with your sitting on my lap with or without your briefs, before you spent significant time over Dad’s knees Boundaries infractions are the most serious in our relationship, especially as you set the various categories up yourself for your own benefit and future.  As such, when you break one, you will have brought punishment upon yourself and it will be punishment as your Dad does not want you to fail any more than absolutely necessary. Dad, will never hesitate to punish you when you error!  After a few, you’ll become the best little James on earth! Exactly, all boys are different (as are all Dads), yet I suspect I know you well enough that a nice quick trip over Dad’s knees (always on your bare bottom) is what you need most and will respond to. A lot of things will be much clearer for a boy once he has found himself in the position of having stood there as Dad lowers his jeans and briefs and pulls him across his knees for his first real spanking on his bare bottom. Dad has promised to give him really good first one and he will keep that promise for two reasons.  First, boys need to understand what live in a relationship involving domestic discipline is really going to be like given my hand will be tending to his bare bottom regularly over the years.  Second, Dad needs to understand his boy’s reactions to his hand, and of course ultimately to his hairbrush.  It’s not a matter of just slapping a boy’s bare bottom.  Each young man is different.  I do think it is the physical experience of laying over my knees and my hand on your bare bottom . . . that experience will be the best and most emotionally meaningful time that you’ve been waiting for. “protests will go un-noticed” with the exception of that fact that a boy who protests too much always finds that the simple spanking of his bare bottom over Dad’s knees that was going to be just with Dad’s hand, often increases and he will then find himself spanked with Dad’s hand and his paddle or hairbrush depending on his reactions. Similarly, walking too slowly to me will also get you into big trouble, Attempting in any way whatsoever to cover your bare bottom to escape my hand or hinder it in any way will be something you will have to learn to avoid.  Sometimes it will happen without your thinking and be completely involuntary, but it makes no difference what causes you to try to hinder or protect your bare bottom when it’s being spanked.  Your hairbrush will always be within reach and I will pin your arm and use the brush to teach you that lesson.  Careful In every real relationship I’ve ever known of, the first time you do this and you will initially do this automatically without thinking, Dad will stop and hold your hand away from your bare bottom you are trying to protect.  You will be warned about trying to avoid your Dad’s spanking and told that the spanking you are then getting will be significantly worse if you keep it up.  Some Dads will immediately give your bare bottom several significantly slaps with the paddle to remind you that a boy’s bare bottom is for dad’s correction and “enjoyment,” never to be covered unless you are told to. Of course, the hairbrush needs to be where you can see it to remember things and for Dad to reach it when he needs to.  Such is the way it is for naughty boys. The hairbrush really hurts quickly.  When your over dad's knees and Dad wants you yelling and kicking right away, the hairbrush will accomplish that goal very quickly if Dad knows how to use it for that purpose rather than just for overall color.