Blogs

What Corona Did to My DD Relationship  Change in a Time of Stasis Home With Daddy Isn't What it Was Funny, but I've not talked much here about how Coronavirus wrecked havoc on Daddy and me. We still don't know how to be Daddy and boy anymore. It's just rewired everything, and sent us into a DD tailspin. I think we'll get back to normal once everyone and their mother doesn't live in the building 24/7, but until that time, Daddy and I have pressed pause. We'd already been falling out of regular Maintenance Spankings and general practice over time. Work has been very dicey and scary and there just hasn't been the mental space to be who we are as a fully realized DD couple. Just lousy. But fear not, this email isn't intended as a downer. Sassy Andy got back in touch recently and I thought I'd share his perspective about how Coronavirus kept his relationship on track during the pandemic. It all started with a few emails asking how things were going: Saturday, April 25, 2020  jake, Well I'm glad you are still working jake.  As I told you, I'm working from home and so is Rob. At first, I was a little nervous thinking I would get in trouble more. I did the first while e.g. the mouth soaping that I sent photos of. I'm still standing in The Corner pretty regularly for silly things, except last week it was only once, I was so proud. I had to stand in The Corner last night and this afternoon, and I've been told if I'm sent to The Corner one more time Rob will Spank me.  You sound stressed and I hate hearing that. Have you gotten into any trouble? Spankings? Been in The Corner at all?  Saturday, May 2, 2020  andy, Yeah, no Spankings, Cornertime, or anything. We are very laissez faire right now. This is NOT good in the long run, but necessary right now during this ackward time. jake Sunday, May 3, 2020  jake, On the one hand, you are getting a bit of a break from the discipline but like you said, it is not good in the long run. It will be hard to rein you in after not being punished at all. For me, once I switched to working at home, I didn't think The Rules or punishments would change.  Like I said to you before, I was worried that I would get into trouble more because Rob is now around me all the time.    Struggling to Live as a boy During the Pandemic Overall, I don't think things have changed that much. I still stand in The Corner pretty regularly, and I've had two Spankings, one mouth soaping, and I've had to write lines three times over the past seven weeks. That's pretty on par with my punishments in normal times. The positive is that I'm used to others seeing me in The Corner as people are always coming and going from our home. Now, it's just Rob, so it's not as humiliating, but he's made my time there quite long to compensate. I'm almost always stood there for an hour, at attention, nose pressed in The Corner, wearing the dunce cap. I look forward to this ending, it's been way too long and I really miss eating out, going out for a beer, seeing live music etc...and I've never watched so much T.V. in my life. Hang in there, it will end soon, and you'll have a sore behind once again. andy ___________________________________ A Coda July 1, 2020 Update: Laid off after 10 years on the job, and 9 years before that! I may be stepping back a bit from the blog writing for a while. I've gotten find a revenue stream after 20 years of great work.:I'm crushed, y'all. Not sure what to do to make myself invaluable again. Wish me luck. 

Hey all. So today, I am going to try and get the site back to normal, and fix all those niggle bugs as well as an upgrade or two. Part of this process involves reloading and reconfiguring the actual server. Backups have been completed and will be updated before I begin. All going well this process will take between 5 - 6 hours, though if I hit snags it may take longer. As of this moment, I plan on starting in 2 hours time, which is 10am AZ time. The status page will work on southspanking.net and I will update that as I go along. I hope you all have a spanking good day!   James

Not sure what the etiquette here is, but while there are several makers of really good paddles and straps out there, my all time favorite is spankinc.ca, whose proprietor, Daniel Vachon, is a master craftsman and very fair businessman. You do have to pay the cost of mail from Canada (his shop is near Montreal). He made a custom paddle for me several years ago that has since been my #1 go to implement.

Living as Daddy's boy   Permission in Daddy/boy Relationships You see, if you have a Daddy, it helps sometimes to have little things that define, enhance, and build a sense of Daddy/boy separation, roles, and duties to one another.  A few things Daddys and boys can do when they're just starting out or even for those who have become lax in their relationship and feel the "je ne se quais" disappearing into vanilla relationship land, is to build back in the idea of Permission.   My Daddy and I do this without talking about it. I'm not telling you to discuss this.    You might want to just begin by introducing it.    For example, I've been knocking on the door, if Daddy's watching T.V. before I enter the room. Daddy will nearly always say, "You don't need to knock." But I'm doing it to    So, here's a few ideas that you can more overtly discuss with your Daddy or your boy, to help develop a Permission-based relationship:  Daytime Discussions You need to ask permission to go out for a beach stroll alone, walking the neighborhood on your own, getting in the car and driving alone and such.    Bedtime Discussions I always tell Daddy before I go to bed if I'm planning on doing something like that alone. He puts me to bed almost every night now, so it's time for me to tell Daddy what I'm up to the next day or give him a head's up. If I don't, Daddy will "call me" on it the next day.   Public Discussions    I've noticed my Daddy has taken to scolding, snapping if I speak out of turn, and otherwise "humiliating" me in front of our friends in an effort to get me to behave when it's not just Daddy/boy time. Spankings are less necessary than they were before, too. That's a good thing, because Daddy prefers to only Spank when there's a real reason. So in those cases there's often not a build-up. He will just wallop my heinie, and that hurts. Because of Domestic Discipline (Maintenance Spankings, warnings, scolding, writing lines, Cornertime and the like), he makes those Spankings last much longer and makes them an experience to discuss behaviour and also make it not just a Behinder Reminder, but something that I have to remember, so I don't do the naughty things again.     Living as Daddy's boy You see, if you have a Daddy, it helps sometimes to have little things that define, enhance, and build a sense of Daddy/boy separation, roles, and duties to one another. A few things Daddys and boys can do when they're just starting out or even for those who have become lax in their relationship and feel the "je ne se quais" disappearing into vanilla relationship land, is to build back in the idea of Permission. My Daddy and I do this without talking about it. I'm not telling you to discuss this.  You might want to just begin by introducing it.  For example, I've been knocking on the door, if Daddy's watching T.V. before I enter the room. Daddy will nearly always say, "You don't need to knock." But I'm doing it to  So, here's a few ideas that you can more overtly discuss with your Daddy or your boy, to help develop a Permission-based relationship:  Daytime Discussions You need to ask permission to go out for a beach stroll alone, walking the neighborhood on your own, getting in the car and driving alone and such.  Bedtime Discussions I always tell Daddy before I go to bed if I'm planning on doing something like that alone. He puts me to bed almost every night now, so it's time for me to tell Daddy what I'm up to the next day or give him a head's up. If I don't, Daddy will "call me" on it the next day. Public Discussions  I've noticed my Daddy has taken to scolding, snapping if I speak out of turn, and otherwise "humiliating" me in front of our friends in an effort to get me to behave when it's not just Daddy/boy time. Spankings are less necessary than they were before, too. That's a good thing, because Daddy prefers to only Spank when there's a real reason. So in those cases there's often not a build-up. He will just wallop my heinie, and that hurts. Because of Domestic Discipline (Maintenance Spankings, warnings, scolding, writing lines, Cornertime and the like), he makes those Spankings last much longer and makes them an experience to discuss behaviour and also make it not just a Behinder Reminder, but something that I have to remember, so I don't do the naughty things again.You see, if you have a Daddy, it helps sometimes to have little things that define, enhance, and build a sense of Daddy/boy separation, roles, and duties to one another. A few things Daddys and boys can do when they're just starting out or even for those who have become lax in their relationship and feel the "je ne se quais" disappearing into vanilla relationship land, is to build back in the idea of Permission. My Daddy and I do this without talking about it. I'm not telling you to discuss this.  You might want to just begin by introducing it.  For example, I've been knocking on the door, if Daddy's watching T.V. before I enter the room. Daddy will nearly always say, "You don't need to knock." But I'm doing it to  So, here's a few ideas that you can more overtly discuss with your Daddy or your boy, to help develop a Permission-based relationship:  Daytime Discussions You need to ask permission to go out for a beach stroll alone, walking the neighborhood on your own, getting in the car and driving alone and such.  Bedtime Discussions I always tell Daddy before I go to bed if I'm planning on doing something like that alone. He puts me to bed almost every night now, so it's time for me to tell Daddy what I'm up to the next day or give him a head's up. If I don't, Daddy will "call me" on it the next day. Public Discussions  I've noticed my Daddy has taken to scolding, snapping if I speak out of turn, and otherwise "humiliating" me in front of our friends in an effort to get me to behave when it's not just Daddy/boy time. Spankings are less necessary than they were before, too. That's a good thing, because Daddy prefers to only Spank when there's a real reason. So in those cases there's often not a build-up. He will just wallop my heinie, and that hurts. Because of Domestic Discipline (Maintenance Spankings, warnings, scolding, writing lines, Cornertime and the like), he makes those Spankings last much longer and makes them an experience to discuss behaviour and also make it not just a Behinder Reminder, but something that I have to remember, so I don't do the naughty things again. Living as Daddy's boy You see, if you have a Daddy, it helps sometimes to have little things that define, enhance, and build a sense of Daddy/boy separation, roles, and duties to one another. A few things Daddys and boys can do when they're just starting out or even for those who have become lax in their relationship and feel the "je ne se quais" disappearing into vanilla relationship land, is to build back in the idea of Permission. My Daddy and I do this without talking about it. I'm not telling you to discuss this.  You might want to just begin by introducing it.  For example, I've been knocking on the door, if Daddy's watching T.V. before I enter the room. Daddy will nearly always say, "You don't need to knock." But I'm doing it to  So, here's a few ideas that you can more overtly discuss with your Daddy or your boy, to help develop a Permission-based relationship:  Daytime Discussions You need to ask permission to go out for a beach stroll alone, walking the neighborhood on your own, getting in the car and driving alone and such.  Bedtime Discussions I always tell Daddy before I go to bed if I'm planning on doing something like that alone. He puts me to bed almost every night now, so it's time for me to tell Daddy what I'm up to the next day or give him a head's up. If I don't, Daddy will "call me" on it the next day. Public Discussions  I've noticed my Daddy has taken to scolding, snapping if I speak out of turn, and otherwise "humiliating" me in front of our friends in an effort to get me to behave when it's not just Daddy/boy time. Spankings are less necessary than they were before, too. That's a good thing, because Daddy prefers to only Spank when there's a real reason. So in those cases there's often not a build-up. He will just wallop my heinie, and that hurts. Because of Domestic Discipline (Maintenance Spankings, warnings, scolding, writing lines, Cornertime and the like), he makes those Spankings last much longer and makes them an experience to discuss behaviour and also make it not just a Behinder Reminder, but something that I have to remember, so I don't do the naughty thin Living as Daddy's boy You see, if you have a Daddy, it helps sometimes to have little things that define, enhance, and build a sense of Daddy/boy separation, roles, and duties to one another. A few things Daddys and boys can do when they're just starting out or even for those who have become lax in their relationship and feel the "je ne se quais" disappearing into vanilla relationship land, is to build back in the idea of Permission. My Daddy and I do this without talking about it. I'm not telling you to discuss this.  You might want to just begin by introducing it.  For example, I've been knocking on the door, if Daddy's watching T.V. before I enter the room. Daddy will nearly always say, "You don't need to knock." But I'm doing it to  So, here's a few ideas that you can more overtly discuss with your Daddy or your boy, to help develop a Permission-based relationship:  Daytime Discussions You need to ask permission to go out for a beach stroll alone, walking the neighborhood on your own, getting in the car and driving alone and such.  Bedtime Discussions I always tell Daddy before I go to bed if I'm planning on doing something like that alone. He puts me to bed almost every night now, so it's time for me to tell Daddy what I'm up to the next day or give him a head's up. If I don't, Daddy will "call me" on it the next day. Public Discussions  I've noticed my Daddy has taken to scolding, snapping if I speak out of turn, and otherwise "humiliating" me in front of our friends in an effort to get me to behave when it's not just Daddy/boy time. Spankings are less necessary than they were before, too. That's a good thing, because Daddy prefers to only Spank when there's a real reason. So in those cases there's often not a build-up. He will just wallop my heinie, and that hurts. Because of Domestic Discipline (Maintenance Spankings, warnings, scolding, writing lines, Cornertime and the like), he makes those Spankings last much longer and makes them an experience to discuss behaviour and also make it not just a Behinder Reminder, but something that I have to remember, so I don't do the naughty things again. Magazine   Mosaic   Side

The great migration from Tumblr for fans of mm spanking is growing rapidly https://corporalcorrection.bdsmlr.com/ https://dannyspanks.bdsmlr.com/ https://dcspankboy.bdsmlr.com/ https://distressandobedience.bdsmlr.com/ https://bubblebuttshowoff.bdsmlr.com/ https://traditionaldadspankingsforadultboys.bdsmlr.com/ https://cdndrax.bdsmlr.com/ https://bhamspanking.bdsmlr.com https://drvanspanking.bdsmlr.com/ https://mike2591.bdsmlr.com/ https://cornertimeconfidential.bdsmlr.com/ https://hinternvoll.bdsmlr.com/ https://crimsonmoon.bdsmlr.com/ https://charliecad.bdsmlr.com/ https://pjh82.bdsmlr.com/ https://coloradospankee.bdsmlr.com/ https://twinksnkink.bdsmlr.com/ https://scrapy.bdsmlr.com/ https://frustrateddiscipline.bdsmlr.com/ https://redbagredbutt.bdsmlr.com/ https://naughtyboyscorner.bdsmlr.com/

The great migration from Tumblr for fans of mm spanking is growing rapidly https://corporalcorrection.bdsmlr.com/ https://dannyspanks.bdsmlr.com/ https://dcspankboy.bdsmlr.com/ https://distressandobedience.bdsmlr.com/ https://bubblebuttshowoff.bdsmlr.com/ https://traditionaldadspankingsforadultboys.bdsmlr.com/ https://cdndrax.bdsmlr.com/ https://bhamspanking.bdsmlr.com https://drvanspanking.bdsmlr.com/ https://mike2591.bdsmlr.com/ https://cornertimeconfidential.bdsmlr.com/ https://hinternvoll.bdsmlr.com/ https://crimsonmoon.bdsmlr.com/ https://charliecad.bdsmlr.com/ https://pjh82.bdsmlr.com/ https://coloradospankee.bdsmlr.com/ https://twinksnkink.bdsmlr.com/ https://scrapy.bdsmlr.com/ https://frustrateddiscipline.bdsmlr.com/ https://redbagredbutt.bdsmlr.com/ https://naughtyboyscorner.bdsmlr.com/

In this guide, I compile some of my personnel ideas (meaning not everyone may agree) on how to be a good spanker that efficiently meets nice spankee and slowly but surely build a network of spanking friends. I am quite sure this is not perfect because it is the first shot, but here we go ! I The starter kit: The very basic things that you need to know and have I.1 Know what you like and what you want The first things that any spanker should know or ask himself is : "What do I like about spanking ?". This is an important question because you will need to know that in order to set up your profile, and it will determine whether or not it might be a match with people that you could meet. There are many reasons why you may want to be a spanker. This includes: It is a deep rooted kink and you see yourself on the giving end. You have been on the receiving end and want to switch sides. You have a thing for the ritualistic aspect of spanking and punishment. You replay somekind of scene from your past that includes spanking. You have a spanking kink and enjoy being the one that turns other guys spanking fantasies into reality. You genuinly see yourself as a coach or mentor that can apply some strict discipline to errand lads in need of your assistance. You enjoy spanking as a sex foreplay, or as part of a broader BDSM scene, etc. There are many more, all valid reasons, which you can even combine. Having a good knowledge of which types of spanking scenes you like, and also don't like, will be useful to set up your profile and describe what kind of spanking sessions you can propose. I.2 Time and location are of the essence Let's start with location as this is perhaps the most basic requirement for a spanking meeting : it needs to happen somewhere. As such, living in a big cities and close to public transportations will be a great advantage compared to living in more remote areas. If you are in the latter case, you will need to be ready to move around a bit, or accept to welcome people into your home for longer periods of time (more about this later). Regarding the accomodation itself, while this is not mandatory, it is usually the spanker that should host any spanking meeting. Hosting a spanking at your place will always be more comfortable and will give you a psychological ascendant that is always a bonus in a spanker-spankee relationship. Your house should be clean and welcoming. An exception to this, is when you are travelling to another city far from your home. Then, using your hotel room, a B&B, or visiting your spankee at his place is perfectly acceptable. Does that mean that you can't be a good spanker if you can't host spanking at your place ? Not quite, but it is a problem if you can never host. The alternatives have been discussed already: Taking a hotel room. If you do so, avoid the cheapest ones that can really set up a creepy atmosphere. And you should also know, that to some spankees, hotel rooms and love hotels will be a turn off, and a deal breaker. Go spank your spankee at their place if they can host (which is not always the case). Besides from the loose of psychological power and the fact that you may quickly get bored when you put them in the corner, there is no real downside to it. Let's talk time now. Obviously you will need to find the time to meet people, whether it is to invite them at your place, or to travel to them. If you are only available on the 6th of each month between 1pm and 2pm, then between 5:30pm and 6pm, and only on full moon days, you will never meet anyone. You don't need to be available all the time, but you need to have a somewhat stable schedule and to know about it at least a few days in advance. Another thing that you need to know about time and availability is that not all spankings can be scheduled X weeks/monts in advance. For some spankees, the spanking need is a pulsion that comes and go. And when it comes, it needs to be dealt with quickly (as in within the next 2-3 days maximum). So don't plan on scheduling too long in advance with these guys. For others that are always in need of a good spanking, or like to build anticipation, as well as for coaching relationships, scheduling a long time in advance is easier. A last comment about time and location. As a rule of thumb, neither you nor your spankee should spend more time traveling to a session than the lenght of the session itself: You can be a great spanker, if your spankee needs to spend 3h in a train for a 30min session, he will stop coming at some point. Do not spend 4h and a ton of money in a plane/train travel in the hope of meeting a single spankee in a far away city. If you travel specifically for spanking purposes, you should book as many guys as you can because most of them will flake. Even better, if you can, do not travel just for spanking activities: it is better to travel for work, or to meet family and friend, and if some spanking meetings can happen, well it is a bonus ! I.3 Basics of spanking The last thing you need in your starter kit is to know how to spank in a safe and sane setting. This includes: Some basic butt anatomic knowledge to know where to spank and where not to spank. But also some basic sense of body language reading to know where your spankee is in term of mindspace and pain scale. Having a knowledge of BDSM elements such as SSC (safe sane and consensual) and RACK (risk aware consensual kink) is -in my opinion- mandatory. You should also know what "aftercare" is, and learn how to do it properly. This can make the difference between you being a spanker/dad/dom versus being a violent assh0le. Know how to use your hand, and have some of the basic implements that can be found at very low price and present little risks for beginners. The first part about where to spank should be relatively easy. Watch videos, see what other spanker do, and follow this schematic if you are still lost: The second part about reading body langage and knowing where your spankee is in his mindset requires more experience. And I am not going to lie : guys that have been spanked are going to be a lot better at it than any beginner spanker that has never been spanked before. Indeed, beyond the pain that might be inflicted by hand or using implements, spanking is a lot in the head and includes many elements such as humiliation, frustration, regression and abandonment that are quite difficult to understand and to read when one has never experienced them. Regarding the implements. I know for a fact that many beginner doms are overwhelmed and impressed when they see other spankers having tables fully covered with various implements that all look stingy and expensive when you look them up in the internet. I have two things to say about this One, in most cases at least 80% of these implements are crap that is rarely or never used. And two, if you want to be any good at spanking, your hand is your best weapon of choice ! The first spankings you give as a spanker should be mostly hand spankings: your spankee's butt should hurt more than your hand, and this requires training ! At first you might get some blisters and even bleedings. Slow down, keep training and it will improve with time. But you should know that your hand's skin will become less soft ! If you must invest in implements, aim for cheap but safe ones first: Brushes are inexpensive and can be found in any store. Don't buy online, go to the store and feel the wood ! Ping-pong paddles, flip-flops, wood rulers, slippers. If your country has a "national spanking implement", you may want to consider buying one : canes in the UK as well as in many commonwealth countries, a tawse in Scotland, a paddle in the USA and Canada, or a martinet in France. A word of caution on belts: While they are a common implement that is easy to find and can be found in a wide range of prices, it is not a beginner friendly implement ! If you want to use one, the buckle should ALWAYS be in your hand and never used to whip, start with very slow blows and a belt folded one or two times. Lashes shouldn't land anywhere else than the meaty part of the butt. And never apply a hard belting -especially if you don't know what you are doing- on a spankee that moves a lot ! II Setting up a profile that attracts people I am aware that there are many websites and apps to meet potential spankee and where you can set up a profile. This section aims at being generic, but you may need to adapt depending on the website you use most to meet people. II.1 Introducing yourself Your profile is often going to be the first contact that a potential spankee will have with you (and maybe the only one). Therefore, it needs to be as complete and attractive as possible. Furthermore, keep in mind that there are usually more spankers than spankees in a given place, so you will need to have a profile as good if not better than the other guys profiles. The key element of any profile that we will discuss in this section is your profile description, which is usually a few lines long (depending on the website), and is the best place to introduce yourself. If it is empty (or mostly empty), or if it isn't attractive, chances are you will struggle to meet anyone. The basic information that any profile description should contain (if they are not already displayed in other fields): Your location Who you are : your age, a basic physical description (height, weight, body type), and your experience if possible A description of what you like and what you are looking for (see I.1) Who you are looking for : age range, body type, are you straight friendly or not, etc. Any hard limits that you have (if there is space left): e.g. not into scenarios, no blood, no sex, etc. A few pitfalls to avoid in your profile description: Having a description that is very specific about what you want to do to your potential spankees, but says nothing about you or who you want to meet. It will mostly attract wankers, but you will never meet them. Example: "I will pull your pants down and spank you very hard on your bare bottom like a little boy. Then, you will go to the corner with your red butt for everyone to see, and you will wait for me to come trash your ass with my very large leather belt !" Having a description that makes you sound like a dead German philosopher. This is cool if you want to meet only people with at least 5 years of higher education, but everyone else will flee in terror. Example: "Spanking is a wonderful voyage where physical pain meets the spiritual extasy of endorphins and shame, all colliding together until your body and mind submit to the punishment, and at last you will know peace." Having a description that says nothing. Example: "Hello, I am Patrick, I am a 38yo writter. I like all sorts of boys. So, I want to meet like-minded guys that share my spanking interest and are staying nearby." Copy-pasting the description of another spanker of switch (partly or everything). You don't want people to believe that you have no personnality, or worst that you are a catfish. Eventually, depending on who contacts you and your success rate, you will figure out what is wrong with your description. Does it give too many details ? Not enough ? Is it missing something ? It will all come together. II.2 Posting pictures on your profile Whenever it is possible, it is usually a good thing to have pictures on your profile as it is a good way to show others what you like, and what you do. Your profile picture is perhaps the only picture that you will have to decide on nearly all applications and meeting websites. So pick wisely. It can be a face picture, a picture of your hand, a picture of an implement, one of your spanking picture, a drawing, or a spanking picture you like. My advice on profile picture would be that it is important to have one. Anything with even a few information about you is better than nothing. Then, you have the other pictures (think pictures albums in spankthishookups, or the pictures you share here on southspanking). These pictures are very important because they will tell A LOT about what you like, sometimes even more than your description ! If you post a lot of corner time pictures, it will emplies that you enjoy doing it. Lots of pictures with canes, you are a cane user ! Mostly badly bruised asses, then you like to give it hard ! Spanked asses with a zoom on butt holes, you might not be "straight guy friendly" ! You get the idea. And this is true even if the pictures you use are not your own. This leads us to two other points : What to do if you have very few or no pictures of your own ? And how to carefully choosing the captions with your pictures. If you don't have your own spanking pictures (or if they are not great), there is always the possibility of having pictures of implements that you like. A picture of your hand, or your knees. A shot of your chair with a belt carefully placed on the side. Use your imagination, and with the right captions, you can probably make pictures that will reflect on what you like. Alternatively, you can also use pictures from studios or from other spankos, but don't forget to credit them ! You may also put them in an album called "My method from web pictures", or "things I like". The worst thing that you can do when using others pictures, is not crediting and claiming them as your own, and their is a bonus if you add a dumb caption below explaining how YOU spanked this guy so hard. Since we are on the topic of captions, it is one of these rare case where no caption is better than a bad caption. A picture alone is relatively open to interpretation depending on whom sees it. On the other hand, if you add a caption, then the picture becomes what you say it is. "I spanked this little slut until he begged, and only then i let him suck my dick" is a good example of a bad caption that ruins the mood with this picture. Remember that you will attract people that can identify with what you post. And alternatively, you will repell people for which what you post is beyond their limits or not to their taste. And it will happen even before you can exchange a single message ! My advice is: unless you are almost exclusively into practices that you know are non-consensual or divisive : try to stay neutral and consensual with the pictures you post and their captions. III Getting in touch with spankees III.1 Contacting first or letting them contact you ? This is a difficult question and it will depend on how well you are established, and the number of potential spankees around you. That being said, no matter your experience, it costs you nothing to send a message to a new comer or a spankee you are interested in. The rules to do so are simple: read his profile, and if you don't see anything obvious that suggests that you may not be a match, send a message. The message should be polite, and if you are not inspired, it can be an extended version of your profile description with the needed adaptations to what the lad you are interested in seems to be into. You may also add to your message some potential availability and a more specific location than in your profile. As you may not get a second chance, take your time to write it and proof-read it. If you are established enough (you already have a good reputation -even as a spankee-, a pool of spankees, and a profile that works), you can wait for people to message you. But you should know that you will get less hits and not necessarily the ones you are the most interested in. Waiting is also a good option if you have only little availability. III.2 Know when to stop messaging It can be frustrating to send messages and get no answer at all. And even more to exchange a few messages and then no more answers without any warning, or even : the guy blocks you for no obvious reason. Even if it can seem quite rude to you, there are probably reasons behind it: With a new comer that is in his 20s: it is likely that every single spanker in the area sent him a message at the same time as you did. That's a lot of messages. Yours didn't make it. Try again in a week or two if you sees that his profile is still active. He is part of these guys with a beginner profile since 5 years: It's not you, they never answer any messages. There is no profile picture, the age in the description is 2 years behind the profile age. No need to try to reach them again, it is a waste of time. You exchanged a few messages. He asked you how you wanted to spank him. You explained with many details. And then he stops answering. Most likely he had a great time in front of his screen reading about your spanking scenario, he jerked off and doesn't need you anymore. It is nothing personnal, he wasn't ready. Try again in a few months. In any case, unless it is with a regular, if a guy doesn't answer you after 2-3 messages while his account seems to be active or if you know that he did receive your messages; it means that he is not interested. So, stop messaging. You don't want to be that sticky guy that sends messages every days. IV Improve your skills and grow your network IV.1 Invest and improve your skills With time and if all goes well, you should get at least one, or a few regular spankees. Having regular is a good opportunity to improve your skills both with implements, but also on the psychological side of spanking. As they learn to trust you, your regulars will be more open about what they like or not during their sessions with you. Take the time to listen and learn ! Remember that -unlike what some morons think- spanking as any BDSM activities is mostly about what the sub/spankee needs and enjoy. Your spankees will also open up more about their deeper spanking desires, and most likely will be willing or even asking for harder sessions. Use this to progress with your skills and explore new things with them. Speaking of harder sessions, if you did not already, you should learn how to do a proper aftercare. Basically, you don't make a guy cry or push him beyond his limits and push him out of your flat in 5min right after the spanking is over. The more you push, the more you should spend time soothing them and taking care of them after the spanking is over. Soothing cream, warm blankets, hugs, massages, hot cocoa and cookies might prove useful. It is also curtuous to ask if everything is well 24 to 48h after the session: mental breakdowns can happen even after they have left your place. And knowing if the eventual bruises are healing well is an important information. Keep in mind that in your learning process you will make mistakes, and not everything will work for both parties. But this is a good thing, because you will know what not to do next time to make your sessions better. As time passes and you meet more people, you can also surely but surely invest into new spanking implements. I usually suggest not to invest into anything expensive unless you have lots of requests for it from locals spankees, or if the request comes from a regular. I also suggest to put the price rather than buying a crappy toy that makes a lot of noise, doesn't hurt much, and will be destroyed after only a few slaps. For my good toys, I personally like https://www.cane-iac.com/ , but I know they can be expensive! IV.2 Respect the limits: your spankees' limits, but also yours I mentionned a few times the importance of safe, sane and consensual meetings when it comes to spanking, as well as the need to be careful when searching for profiles that match your needs. Nevertheless I will insist that one of the key to becoming a successful spanker is to respect the limits of the people you will meet ! A spanker or dom that consider that he does what he wants to a sub/spankee is a bad dom/spanker, this is wrong, can lead to pursuit, and at least will give you a very bad reputation. I will push things further by saying that a good spanker/dom should insist that his potential spankee/sub gives him some hard limits. A spankee/sub that doesn't know or doesn't have any limits is a disaster waiting to happen and you should avoid meeting him. Limits to ask for include: Sex or no sex. This one should always be discussed before any meeting. And yes, a surprise finger in the butt counts as sex, and can be very much unwanted even if your spankee is gay ! Severity of the bruises, especially if the guy tells you he is partnered. And it is your role to know how to handle your implements, and to stop (or abort the session early) before crossing any fixed limit Pain : do we remain soft, do we push you to your pain limit ? a bit beyond your limit ? do we turn you into a crying mess ? A word of advice : don't cross their pain limit if you are not great with aftercare. Nudity and physical contact: some straight lads are very strict about this. Drawing blood: Sanitize your implements well if you do it. (you should sanitize them anyway, but even more carefully if you draw blood). There is no such thing as a spankee with too many limits. If he has too many limits to your taste, then don't meet him. And finally, you may ask for some limits to be pushed -slowly-, but it is best to do it only with spankees you already know, and if they say no, then you should respect their refusal. We have discuss a lot the limits of potential people you will meet, but you should also consider yours. A common issue of beginner to mid-experienced spanker is that they tend to accept any spankee so long as he is young and has a very cute butt, even though said good-looking spankees are asking for something very far from the spanker interests. It is sometimes difficult, but you should no to refuse a cute spankee if what he asks doesn't match with what you are looking for. If you still meet regardless of the poorly matching profile, either or both of you may end up being dissapointed with the session. Please note that the same can happen when you get lots of demands: follow your guts and refuse meeting that yhou know deep down will not work. Less meetings is better than lots of bad ones. IV.3 Networking and reputation As they will gain momentum, your network and your reputation will be your main tools to meet new lads, some of which might not have accepted to meet you before. A spankeed satisfied with your session is your best ambassador ! Do not hesitate to ask your regulars if it is okay to use them as references for guys that are hesitant to meet you. Treat them with respect, and always ask their permission to post their pictures or videos on your profile : it is their butt that is going to be on the internet for tghe world to see, not yours ! Their spanked ass will be your visit card, so you must be grateful to them, and respect their wishes if they want some picture or caption to be changed or removed at any point. Treating your network well is part of growing your reputation, and it takes only a few disgrunted spankees to ruin years of hard work building your reputation. So be extra cautious and on your toes about this. What about other spankers in your areas ? Well, you should also try your best to maintain neutral to good relation with them ! First, it takes several spankees and spankers to organize spanking parties.  Other spankers are also a good source of information to know which lads are flakes, who is a wanker, and even to share information about what works or not about spankees you have in common (with their consent, always). Furthermore, as we mentionned in section I, everyone has different tastes and availability. In other words, you can send them spankees that are not a match for you, and you may expect them to do the same. Petty jealousy with another spanker "because he gets all the spankees", or "because he spanked X last week so now he can't meet with me", or "because he has a more intimate/different relationship with Y" is generally a bad idea. Very few spankees are exclusive, so their is a good chance that you will have your turn if you are a good match too. Asking a spankee to choose between 2 spankers he likes is also a bad idea because even if he chooses you, your relationship will be damaged. In the same vein, a bit of teasing between spankers is okay, but blattant and free provocation between spankers should be avoided: any spankees involved will notice and it won't look good. It is even worst if other members of the community notice, and too much teasing will make you the bad guy, which can also damage your reputation. Lastly, slandering or speaking ill of another spanker should be avoided: at some point someone will notice that it was a lie, most likely his network of spankos will speak out, and it won't do you any good. The only situations where it is acceptable to warn other members of the community about a spanker and to give him a bad reputation include: You know for a fact that he doesn't respect consent and has broken hard limits about sex, bruises or drawing blood. in other words, he is violent and or dangerous. Even in this case, you should rather push spankees that were the victims to speak out first. Minors are involved.

In this guide, I compile some of my personnel ideas (meaning not everyone may agree) on how to be a good spanker that efficiently meets nice spankee and slowly but surely build a network of spanking friends. I am quite sure this is not perfect because it is the first shot, but here we go ! I The starter kit: The very basic things that you need to know and have I.1 Know what you like and what you want The first things that any spanker should know or ask himself is : "What do I like about spanking ?". This is an important question because you will need to know that in order to set up your profile, and it will determine whether or not it might be a match with people that you could meet. There are many reasons why you may want to be a spanker. This includes: It is a deep rooted kink and you see yourself on the giving end. You have been on the receiving end and want to switch sides. You have a thing for the ritualistic aspect of spanking and punishment. You replay somekind of scene from your past that includes spanking. You have a spanking kink and enjoy being the one that turns other guys spanking fantasies into reality. You genuinly see yourself as a coach or mentor that can apply some strict discipline to errand lads in need of your assistance. You enjoy spanking as a sex foreplay, or as part of a broader BDSM scene, etc. There are many more, all valid reasons, which you can even combine. Having a good knowledge of which types of spanking scenes you like, and also don't like, will be useful to set up your profile and describe what kind of spanking sessions you can propose. I.2 Time and location are of the essence Let's start with location as this is perhaps the most basic requirement for a spanking meeting : it needs to happen somewhere. As such, living in a big cities and close to public transportations will be a great advantage compared to living in more remote areas. If you are in the latter case, you will need to be ready to move around a bit, or accept to welcome people into your home for longer periods of time (more about this later). Regarding the accomodation itself, while this is not mandatory, it is usually the spanker that should host any spanking meeting. Hosting a spanking at your place will always be more comfortable and will give you a psychological ascendant that is always a bonus in a spanker-spankee relationship. Your house should be clean and welcoming. An exception to this, is when you are travelling to another city far from your home. Then, using your hotel room, a B&B, or visiting your spankee at his place is perfectly acceptable. Does that mean that you can't be a good spanker if you can't host spanking at your place ? Not quite, but it is a problem if you can never host. The alternatives have been discussed already: Taking a hotel room. If you do so, avoid the cheapest ones that can really set up a creepy atmosphere. And you should also know, that to some spankees, hotel rooms and love hotels will be a turn off, and a deal breaker. Go spank your spankee at their place if they can host (which is not always the case). Besides from the loose of psychological power and the fact that you may quickly get bored when you put them in the corner, there is no real downside to it. Let's talk time now. Obviously you will need to find the time to meet people, whether it is to invite them at your place, or to travel to them. If you are only available on the 6th of each month between 1pm and 2pm, then between 5:30pm and 6pm, and only on full moon days, you will never meet anyone. You don't need to be available all the time, but you need to have a somewhat stable schedule and to know about it at least a few days in advance. Another thing that you need to know about time and availability is that not all spankings can be scheduled X weeks/monts in advance. For some spankees, the spanking need is a pulsion that comes and go. And when it comes, it needs to be dealt with quickly (as in within the next 2-3 days maximum). So don't plan on scheduling too long in advance with these guys. For others that are always in need of a good spanking, or like to build anticipation, as well as for coaching relationships, scheduling a long time in advance is easier. A last comment about time and location. As a rule of thumb, neither you nor your spankee should spend more time traveling to a session than the lenght of the session itself: You can be a great spanker, if your spankee needs to spend 3h in a train for a 30min session, he will stop coming at some point. Do not spend 4h and a ton of money in a plane/train travel in the hope of meeting a single spankee in a far away city. If you travel specifically for spanking purposes, you should book as many guys as you can because most of them will flake. Even better, if you can, do not travel just for spanking activities: it is better to travel for work, or to meet family and friend, and if some spanking meetings can happen, well it is a bonus ! I.3 Basics of spanking The last thing you need in your starter kit is to know how to spank in a safe and sane setting. This includes: Some basic butt anatomic knowledge to know where to spank and where not to spank. But also some basic sense of body language reading to know where your spankee is in term of mindspace and pain scale. Having a knowledge of BDSM elements such as SSC (safe sane and consensual) and RACK (risk aware consensual kink) is -in my opinion- mandatory. You should also know what "aftercare" is, and learn how to do it properly. This can make the difference between you being a spanker/dad/dom versus being a violent assh0le. Know how to use your hand, and have some of the basic implements that can be found at very low price and present little risks for beginners. The first part about where to spank should be relatively easy. Watch videos, see what other spanker do, and follow this schematic if you are still lost: The second part about reading body langage and knowing where your spankee is in his mindset requires more experience. And I am not going to lie : guys that have been spanked are going to be a lot better at it than any beginner spanker that has never been spanked before. Indeed, beyond the pain that might be inflicted by hand or using implements, spanking is a lot in the head and includes many elements such as humiliation, frustration, regression and abandonment that are quite difficult to understand and to read when one has never experienced them. Regarding the implements. I know for a fact that many beginner doms are overwhelmed and impressed when they see other spankers having tables fully covered with various implements that all look stingy and expensive when you look them up in the internet. I have two things to say about this One, in most cases at least 80% of these implements are crap that is rarely or never used. And two, if you want to be any good at spanking, your hand is your best weapon of choice ! The first spankings you give as a spanker should be mostly hand spankings: your spankee's butt should hurt more than your hand, and this requires training ! At first you might get some blisters and even bleedings. Slow down, keep training and it will improve with time. But you should know that your hand's skin will become less soft ! If you must invest in implements, aim for cheap but safe ones first: Brushes are inexpensive and can be found in any store. Don't buy online, go to the store and feel the wood ! Ping-pong paddles, flip-flops, wood rulers, slippers. If your country has a "national spanking implement", you may want to consider buying one : canes in the UK as well as in many commonwealth countries, a tawse in Scotland, a paddle in the USA and Canada, or a martinet in France. A word of caution on belts: While they are a common implement that is easy to find and can be found in a wide range of prices, it is not a beginner friendly implement ! If you want to use one, the buckle should ALWAYS be in your hand and never used to whip, start with very slow blows and a belt folded one or two times. Lashes shouldn't land anywhere else than the meaty part of the butt. And never apply a hard belting -especially if you don't know what you are doing- on a spankee that moves a lot ! II Setting up a profile that attracts people I am aware that there are many websites and apps to meet potential spankee and where you can set up a profile. This section aims at being generic, but you may need to adapt depending on the website you use most to meet people. II.1 Introducing yourself Your profile is often going to be the first contact that a potential spankee will have with you (and maybe the only one). Therefore, it needs to be as complete and attractive as possible. Furthermore, keep in mind that there are usually more spankers than spankees in a given place, so you will need to have a profile as good if not better than the other guys profiles. The key element of any profile that we will discuss in this section is your profile description, which is usually a few lines long (depending on the website), and is the best place to introduce yourself. If it is empty (or mostly empty), or if it isn't attractive, chances are you will struggle to meet anyone. The basic information that any profile description should contain (if they are not already displayed in other fields): Your location Who you are : your age, a basic physical description (height, weight, body type), and your experience if possible A description of what you like and what you are looking for (see I.1) Who you are looking for : age range, body type, are you straight friendly or not, etc. Any hard limits that you have (if there is space left): e.g. not into scenarios, no blood, no sex, etc. A few pitfalls to avoid in your profile description: Having a description that is very specific about what you want to do to your potential spankees, but says nothing about you or who you want to meet. It will mostly attract wankers, but you will never meet them. Example: "I will pull your pants down and spank you very hard on your bare bottom like a little boy. Then, you will go to the corner with your red butt for everyone to see, and you will wait for me to come trash your ass with my very large leather belt !" Having a description that makes you sound like a dead German philosopher. This is cool if you want to meet only people with at least 5 years of higher education, but everyone else will flee in terror. Example: "Spanking is a wonderful voyage where physical pain meets the spiritual extasy of endorphins and shame, all colliding together until your body and mind submit to the punishment, and at last you will know peace." Having a description that says nothing. Example: "Hello, I am Patrick, I am a 38yo writter. I like all sorts of boys. So, I want to meet like-minded guys that share my spanking interest and are staying nearby." Copy-pasting the description of another spanker of switch (partly or everything). You don't want people to believe that you have no personnality, or worst that you are a catfish. Eventually, depending on who contacts you and your success rate, you will figure out what is wrong with your description. Does it give too many details ? Not enough ? Is it missing something ? It will all come together. II.2 Posting pictures on your profile Whenever it is possible, it is usually a good thing to have pictures on your profile as it is a good way to show others what you like, and what you do. Your profile picture is perhaps the only picture that you will have to decide on nearly all applications and meeting websites. So pick wisely. It can be a face picture, a picture of your hand, a picture of an implement, one of your spanking picture, a drawing, or a spanking picture you like. My advice on profile picture would be that it is important to have one. Anything with even a few information about you is better than nothing. Then, you have the other pictures (think pictures albums in spankthishookups, or the pictures you share here on southspanking). These pictures are very important because they will tell A LOT about what you like, sometimes even more than your description ! If you post a lot of corner time pictures, it will emplies that you enjoy doing it. Lots of pictures with canes, you are a cane user ! Mostly badly bruised asses, then you like to give it hard ! Spanked asses with a zoom on butt holes, you might not be "straight guy friendly" ! You get the idea. And this is true even if the pictures you use are not your own. This leads us to two other points : What to do if you have very few or no pictures of your own ? And how to carefully choosing the captions with your pictures. If you don't have your own spanking pictures (or if they are not great), there is always the possibility of having pictures of implements that you like. A picture of your hand, or your knees. A shot of your chair with a belt carefully placed on the side. Use your imagination, and with the right captions, you can probably make pictures that will reflect on what you like. Alternatively, you can also use pictures from studios or from other spankos, but don't forget to credit them ! You may also put them in an album called "My method from web pictures", or "things I like". The worst thing that you can do when using others pictures, is not crediting and claiming them as your own, and their is a bonus if you add a dumb caption below explaining how YOU spanked this guy so hard. Since we are on the topic of captions, it is one of these rare case where no caption is better than a bad caption. A picture alone is relatively open to interpretation depending on whom sees it. On the other hand, if you add a caption, then the picture becomes what you say it is. "I spanked this little slut until he begged, and only then i let him suck my dick" is a good example of a bad caption that ruins the mood with this picture. Remember that you will attract people that can identify with what you post. And alternatively, you will repell people for which what you post is beyond their limits or not to their taste. And it will happen even before you can exchange a single message ! My advice is: unless you are almost exclusively into practices that you know are non-consensual or divisive : try to stay neutral and consensual with the pictures you post and their captions. III Getting in touch with spankees III.1 Contacting first or letting them contact you ? This is a difficult question and it will depend on how well you are established, and the number of potential spankees around you. That being said, no matter your experience, it costs you nothing to send a message to a new comer or a spankee you are interested in. The rules to do so are simple: read his profile, and if you don't see anything obvious that suggests that you may not be a match, send a message. The message should be polite, and if you are not inspired, it can be an extended version of your profile description with the needed adaptations to what the lad you are interested in seems to be into. You may also add to your message some potential availability and a more specific location than in your profile. As you may not get a second chance, take your time to write it and proof-read it. If you are established enough (you already have a good reputation -even as a spankee-, a pool of spankees, and a profile that works), you can wait for people to message you. But you should know that you will get less hits and not necessarily the ones you are the most interested in. Waiting is also a good option if you have only little availability. III.2 Know when to stop messaging It can be frustrating to send messages and get no answer at all. And even more to exchange a few messages and then no more answers without any warning, or even : the guy blocks you for no obvious reason. Even if it can seem quite rude to you, there are probably reasons behind it: With a new comer that is in his 20s: it is likely that every single spanker in the area sent him a message at the same time as you did. That's a lot of messages. Yours didn't make it. Try again in a week or two if you sees that his profile is still active. He is part of these guys with a beginner profile since 5 years: It's not you, they never answer any messages. There is no profile picture, the age in the description is 2 years behind the profile age. No need to try to reach them again, it is a waste of time. You exchanged a few messages. He asked you how you wanted to spank him. You explained with many details. And then he stops answering. Most likely he had a great time in front of his screen reading about your spanking scenario, he jerked off and doesn't need you anymore. It is nothing personnal, he wasn't ready. Try again in a few months. In any case, unless it is with a regular, if a guy doesn't answer you after 2-3 messages while his account seems to be active or if you know that he did receive your messages; it means that he is not interested. So, stop messaging. You don't want to be that sticky guy that sends messages every days. IV Improve your skills and grow your network IV.1 Invest and improve your skills With time and if all goes well, you should get at least one, or a few regular spankees. Having regular is a good opportunity to improve your skills both with implements, but also on the psychological side of spanking. As they learn to trust you, your regulars will be more open about what they like or not during their sessions with you. Take the time to listen and learn ! Remember that -unlike what some morons think- spanking as any BDSM activities is mostly about what the sub/spankee needs and enjoy. Your spankees will also open up more about their deeper spanking desires, and most likely will be willing or even asking for harder sessions. Use this to progress with your skills and explore new things with them. Speaking of harder sessions, if you did not already, you should learn how to do a proper aftercare. Basically, you don't make a guy cry or push him beyond his limits and push him out of your flat in 5min right after the spanking is over. The more you push, the more you should spend time soothing them and taking care of them after the spanking is over. Soothing cream, warm blankets, hugs, massages, hot cocoa and cookies might prove useful. It is also curtuous to ask if everything is well 24 to 48h after the session: mental breakdowns can happen even after they have left your place. And knowing if the eventual bruises are healing well is an important information. Keep in mind that in your learning process you will make mistakes, and not everything will work for both parties. But this is a good thing, because you will know what not to do next time to make your sessions better. As time passes and you meet more people, you can also surely but surely invest into new spanking implements. I usually suggest not to invest into anything expensive unless you have lots of requests for it from locals spankees, or if the request comes from a regular. I also suggest to put the price rather than buying a crappy toy that makes a lot of noise, doesn't hurt much, and will be destroyed after only a few slaps. For my good toys, I personally like https://www.cane-iac.com/ , but I know they can be expensive! IV.2 Respect the limits: your spankees' limits, but also yours I mentionned a few times the importance of safe, sane and consensual meetings when it comes to spanking, as well as the need to be careful when searching for profiles that match your needs. Nevertheless I will insist that one of the key to becoming a successful spanker is to respect the limits of the people you will meet ! A spanker or dom that consider that he does what he wants to a sub/spankee is a bad dom/spanker, this is wrong, can lead to pursuit, and at least will give you a very bad reputation. I will push things further by saying that a good spanker/dom should insist that his potential spankee/sub gives him some hard limits. A spankee/sub that doesn't know or doesn't have any limits is a disaster waiting to happen and you should avoid meeting him. Limits to ask for include: Sex or no sex. This one should always be discussed before any meeting. And yes, a surprise finger in the butt counts as sex, and can be very much unwanted even if your spankee is gay ! Severity of the bruises, especially if the guy tells you he is partnered. And it is your role to know how to handle your implements, and to stop (or abort the session early) before crossing any fixed limit Pain : do we remain soft, do we push you to your pain limit ? a bit beyond your limit ? do we turn you into a crying mess ? A word of advice : don't cross their pain limit if you are not great with aftercare. Nudity and physical contact: some straight lads are very strict about this. Drawing blood: Sanitize your implements well if you do it. (you should sanitize them anyway, but even more carefully if you draw blood). There is no such thing as a spankee with too many limits. If he has too many limits to your taste, then don't meet him. And finally, you may ask for some limits to be pushed -slowly-, but it is best to do it only with spankees you already know, and if they say no, then you should respect their refusal. We have discuss a lot the limits of potential people you will meet, but you should also consider yours. A common issue of beginner to mid-experienced spanker is that they tend to accept any spankee so long as he is young and has a very cute butt, even though said good-looking spankees are asking for something very far from the spanker interests. It is sometimes difficult, but you should no to refuse a cute spankee if what he asks doesn't match with what you are looking for. If you still meet regardless of the poorly matching profile, either or both of you may end up being dissapointed with the session. Please note that the same can happen when you get lots of demands: follow your guts and refuse meeting that yhou know deep down will not work. Less meetings is better than lots of bad ones. IV.3 Networking and reputation As they will gain momentum, your network and your reputation will be your main tools to meet new lads, some of which might not have accepted to meet you before. A spankeed satisfied with your session is your best ambassador ! Do not hesitate to ask your regulars if it is okay to use them as references for guys that are hesitant to meet you. Treat them with respect, and always ask their permission to post their pictures or videos on your profile : it is their butt that is going to be on the internet for tghe world to see, not yours ! Their spanked ass will be your visit card, so you must be grateful to them, and respect their wishes if they want some picture or caption to be changed or removed at any point. Treating your network well is part of growing your reputation, and it takes only a few disgrunted spankees to ruin years of hard work building your reputation. So be extra cautious and on your toes about this. What about other spankers in your areas ? Well, you should also try your best to maintain neutral to good relation with them ! First, it takes several spankees and spankers to organize spanking parties.  Other spankers are also a good source of information to know which lads are flakes, who is a wanker, and even to share information about what works or not about spankees you have in common (with their consent, always). Furthermore, as we mentionned in section I, everyone has different tastes and availability. In other words, you can send them spankees that are not a match for you, and you may expect them to do the same. Petty jealousy with another spanker "because he gets all the spankees", or "because he spanked X last week so now he can't meet with me", or "because he has a more intimate/different relationship with Y" is generally a bad idea. Very few spankees are exclusive, so their is a good chance that you will have your turn if you are a good match too. Asking a spankee to choose between 2 spankers he likes is also a bad idea because even if he chooses you, your relationship will be damaged. In the same vein, a bit of teasing between spankers is okay, but blattant and free provocation between spankers should be avoided: any spankees involved will notice and it won't look good. It is even worst if other members of the community notice, and too much teasing will make you the bad guy, which can also damage your reputation. Lastly, slandering or speaking ill of another spanker should be avoided: at some point someone will notice that it was a lie, most likely his network of spankos will speak out, and it won't do you any good. The only situations where it is acceptable to warn other members of the community about a spanker and to give him a bad reputation include: You know for a fact that he doesn't respect consent and has broken hard limits about sex, bruises or drawing blood. in other words, he is violent and or dangerous. Even in this case, you should rather push spankees that were the victims to speak out first. Minors are involved.

boys don't have to be just submissives who sit and wait for Daddy to act. boys can and should be active partners discussing the effects of their Spankings when Daddy says it's time to talk about your them. It's important to keep communicating. When you don't—and boy oh boy, I speak from experience here—Daddy and his boy can get off track. I was given a really bad beating on my bottom a while ago for mouthing off to the waiter (there was an awkward racial element to it, I'm white, he was not, so Daddy used the paddle as a reminder of what appropriate public behaviour looks like). But as the paddling progressed, Daddy was wailing on my behind much harder than I can normally take. It was very hard for me to discuss it with him afterwards. I got no Aftercare, and there was no discussion about it allowed. I knew I'd been in the wrong. So how do I explain, "Oh, uh, Daddy, so remember when you paddled me for my racist behaviour? Well, you paddled too hard." It's a complicated thing being a boy sometimes. During the week prior, Daddy'd given a Maintenance Spanking, so when it came time to be paddled within an inch of my life, I can't really say, "Oh, I didn't see that comin'." Since having a post-Spanking discussion wasn't invited and Daddy hasn't discussed it since, I'm thinking maybe time will heal the wounds (lord knows my heinie's wounds are just healing!). Spankings are meant to clear the air and not require complicated yammering on and on. When my Daddy Spanks, he expects the behaviour that precipitated the Spanking to change after a paddling, and he does not allow for carping about it. But how to speak up when you've been rightly chastised for misbehaviour, but over-Spanked? It's a complication that I've yet to figure out. Why? Because, ultimately, I trust Daddy deeply, and I don't think he paddled out of malice. But I do want him to paddle me less hard during any future Punishment Spankings. Without me as the boy speaking up, a few things could still happen: We could lose the former equilibrium we had. He will continue to over-Spank my bottom during Disciplinary Spankings. He will be kept in the dark about what's happening, so even if he wants to fix it, he doesn't know there's anything to fix. I will become more powerless and not become a better boy. Whatever the outcome, none of these seem particularly good. I'll update this post with whatever comes of this PS and how Daddy and I repair this together. Because just like any DD relationship, discussion and communication are what keeps you strong and healthy.

  "After his Spanking"   or Spanking Tools and the Benefits of Enhanced Cornertime by Cornertime Confidential and the readers of SouthSpanking.com Many of you wrote in to ask us when Part 3 would be added to the Guide to the Correction of adult boys. We encourage you to read that blogpost first, of course. In our effort to make Part 3 work, even if you haven't read Parts 1 and 2, today, we will discuss "after his Spanking," or a short reflection on Spanking Tools a discussion on the benefits of enhanced Cornertime. Today, in Part 3, let's discuss "after his Spanking":   Spanking Tools and the Best Use of Them As we all know, the very best use for a Spanking Tool is only as a simple warning positioned out on the counter in the kitchen, hanging from a hook, on the bathroom sink, or in the bedroom where the boy can be made to fetch The Stick or The Belt when needed. But sometimes, the second best use of Spanking Tools can be when applied right across a naughty boy's bottom—and sometimes repeatedly so..  In this section, we'll speak primarily of Spanking Tools but in many cases this can mean a variety of things you may or may not have considered, for example:  Daddy's hand Any Rod of Correction or  The Belt that best keeps Daddy's trousers up, his boy in line, and the relationship on track.  Also, we'll speak of a "relationship," but we only really mean the relationship between two people or more in a CP "meet up," not necessarily a Domestic Discipline relationship, a Daddy/boy relationship, or even  long-term relationship at all. Ideally, Daddys will know their boys well enough ahead of time and can utilize the most effective Spanking Tool whenever the call for. However, sometimes you just won't know until a new boy arrives. Most Daddys will be glad that they've spent time learning to hand-Spank well and effectively. And they'll also be better off if they have an organized Spanking Tool bag or shelf or drawer, so the boy can be sent there to pick out the Spanking Tool that'll be used across his backside. In most instances, the alarm opening a drawer of various sticks for Spanking will subside if the Daddy sets the tone and the emotional stage ahead of time, so the boy isn't alarmed and just runs out the door. Instead, the Daddy who best connects ahead of time will find compliant boys who are grateful that there's not just a gigantic frat paddle or a big thick belt and that's the only choice.   Tips for Tops! Once you have a mini-trove from which to choose from, have new boys go select the Spanking Tool with which they will be Spanked. Cornertime Confidential recommends having a few simple items: a thin light paddle, a thicker Spanking Stick like a Jocari or mini-frat paddle, a good Old-Fashioned Hairbrush, and a firm sturdy ruler or yardstick. For belts, you'll want a 2.5"-3" thick black buckled belt and possibly a razor strop or other effective leather strap for Spanking.  Remember, as we learned in parts 2 and 3, a good beating is not delivered by The Spanking Tool. It's created by the Daddy or the Top who administers it. So as you've seen in the other sections of the Guide to the Spanking of adult boys, we have extensive insights for you on that which you should read carefully. However, the Spanking Tools you use will can make a world of difference if they are high quality and applied correctly. Some boys even become attached to certain ones. So do some Daddys!  You don't need to go anywhere other than the local Marshalls, Ross for Less, T.J. Maxx, or Target/Walmart for what you'll need. This may surprise, but the most simple, affordable black belt that does the job is a standard product from H&M stores. It's less than $20. And while Cornertime Confidential encourage all community members to support the communities that support us, including Nasty Pig, Albert Prendergast,the many talented paddlemeisters out there, we don't want anyone to feel that a life in the CP community is a matter of having the latest styles and fashions. Tips for Tops! They call it an "Old Fashioned" Hairbrush Spanking for a reason. A new-fangled hairbrush won't really achieve your goals.  If there's a need, let Cornertime Confidential know, and we can provide a buyers guide of where to get the Spanking Tools you'll want around your home. Once you have them, be sure to keep them in eyeshot of any boy you have over.  If you have a partner who is regularly disciplined, work together to find the very best way to heighten anticipation with everyday objects vanilla friends and family will not realize are used for CP in your home. A small wooden cutting board in the kitchen can regularly double as a hand-sized paddle for boy. An Italian fly swatter (they're made with a leather face) can hang in the kitchen or on the patio, and be used for swattting away bad behaviour as well! The Belt hanging from the closet door can be there as a constant Behinder Reminder to be good and get to bed on time or wake up early! And a good Old Fashioned Hairbrush that isn't really used (in our home Daddy and I are both fairly bald, so no one knows quite why we have The Hairbrush sitting out in the bathroom) can be a Behaviour Modifier every single time your boy goes to the bathroom—and remind him that he's the boy and you're the Daddy/Top.         A Discussion on the Benefits of Enhanced Cornertime Enhanced Cornertime can be, when administered well, in and of itself its own punishment. As you develop your Corporal Punishment-based relationship, sometimes it may help to set the tone using this tool in your toolbox. Cornertime or a Time Out can be used without resorting to Spanking. But many find it boring. So, make it a busy time for your boy: writing lines, washing his mouth out with soap and having him hold the bar in his mouth while he's in The Corner, lecturing him while he stands there. For some boys in some relationships Cornertime will not work. A sound beating on the behind is all they want or need. But for many, that's just too short and abrupt. That's one of the reasons many Daddys opt for the use and effective implementation of Enhanced Cornertime.  We posed the need for some feedback on these areas of importance to the large, well-experience SouthSpanking.com group. Here's what they suggested:   oldskoolotk Cornertime should last for at least 10 minutes in my opinion, just like the Spanking, a boy should wish it was over long before it actually is, and it should be a lesson in endurance. A boy should never feel that Cornertime means he is in the clear, more Spanking should always be a threat, if a boy hasn’t accepted his punishment fully and doesn’t have a proper attitude upon review.    Hands should always be placed somewhere that leaves him exposed front and back, and he should be corrected appropriately if they wander. Adding holding a coin to the wall with his nose can be extra punishment if he has trouble staying in position. Talking should be prohibited unless the boy is spoken to, Some boys need to be sat on the lap, as well, and that can be added at the very end when the boys punishment is over. Other boys may need their bottoms lotioned with something to help heal them, and that can also be done at the end. It's best done OTK with some encouraging words.    The pants and underpants coming up or being put on is the final part of the process, and signifies that the punishment is over. However, in certain situations clothing restrictions can be appropriate and can add to a boys consequences. A boy may be restricted to briefs or even a bare bottom for a certain amount of time and gradually earn back his clothing privileges, or perhaps even be required to sleep nude.    James AZ Very Very Very well-written Oldskool —punishment must be effective and Cornertime is definitely a time to think, a time to reflect, and a time to heal ... it's emotional and a lot more...creativity is so easy, and Daddys or Tops can be encouraged to get very creative. Max Writing lines can be salutary. So can sitting bare-bottomed on a hard wooden chair with a Spanking Tool within eyeshot. We find it instructive how inventive members of this robust website are both with ideas and actions.The Correction of adult boys isn't just about Spanking. There's a lot of psychological value in integrating the Spanking Tools, making Cornertime or Times Out a part of the process, or having your punished boy write lines to correspond with the need for his Spanking. For example, if he's being Spanked for open defiance, you can have him write, "I promise to not be openly defiant to Daddy." or "Daddy is in charge. I am not." 100 times with a pencil on a big sheet of paper.  Tips for Tops! Invest in paper and pencils ahead of time before suddenly being unable to administer the punishment because you don't have enough paper around the house! NonSpanking punishments—broadly speaking, "enhanced Cornertime"—can extend the time necessary for a full and complete Corporal Punishment experience. Enhanced Cornertime can be a stand-alone punishment as well, adding a sense that the boy is not in charge. It's particularly effective when used domestically in the course of a regular night of eating dinner, watching T.V., playing video or board games, etc. If you are in the midst of regular domestic live, when an appropriate time comes based on snark, tone, attitude, laziness, lack of cooperation, send your boy to The Corner, a place you have set aside in Punishment Spanking times as The Corner where naughty boys in the house go.  Sometimes this will mean sending him to his room.Sometimes it'll be just a place in the living room where you can see him standing with his 'pants lowered or not—and his bottom facing into the room. When punished in this way, the Correction of adult boys goes far beyond the thrills and spills associated with Spanking alone. You can turn off the T.V. (and now that Daddys mostly all have DVR, they can stop a program midstream, and attend to discipline, and then when the boy is sufiiciently punished, return to the program with or without the errant boy). Why do this? Because Enhanced Cornertime can bring vitality back to a relationship that can be stuck in a tidewater of repetition, dullness, or worse. Relationships need variety, and one way to do that is to use The Stick or The Belt, but another it to use your mind.    Tips for Tops! The mind is a very effective Tool for Corporal and non-Corporal Punishment. Use that tool to put a nail in bad behaviour, defiance, Rulebreaking, and the like.  What can you do with these following household items? Castor OIl  Capsaicin Cream  A switch from a recent hike  Stinging nettles from a local forest  A rough plastic door mat  Enforced writing of lines  (For some boys) being put into diapers  (For others) being made to wear white briefs... ...the options can be seemingly endless...if you put your mind to it! So don't put your back into it. Spend less time fretting about whether you deliver a good Spanking. Think more about how you can be the perfect Daddy for the boys you have.  Each boy is unique as is each Daddy, and a unique approach driven by you and his own personal experience will make the Spanking of adult boys in your life better, more effective, and ultimately much for satisfying for both involved.          After a Trip to the Woodshed, What Next?   Please comment below or email me with your ideas.   ________________________________________ Follow Cornertime Confidential Wherever You Are: Tumblr  ∙  Twitter  ∙  Blogger ∙  WordPress  

  "After his Spanking"   or Spanking Tools and the Benefits of Enhanced Cornertime by Cornertime Confidential and the readers of SouthSpanking.com Many of you wrote in to ask us when Part 3 would be added to the Guide to the Correction of adult boys. We encourage you to read that blogpost first, of course. In our effort to make Part 3 work, even if you haven't read Parts 1 and 2, today, we will discuss "after his Spanking," or a short reflection on Spanking Tools a discussion on the benefits of enhanced Cornertime. Today, in Part 3, let's discuss "after his Spanking":   Spanking Tools and the Best Use of Them As we all know, the very best use for a Spanking Tool is only as a simple warning positioned out on the counter in the kitchen, hanging from a hook, on the bathroom sink, or in the bedroom where the boy can be made to fetch The Stick or The Belt when needed. But sometimes, the second best use of Spanking Tools can be when applied right across a naughty boy's bottom—and sometimes repeatedly so..  In this section, we'll speak primarily of Spanking Tools but in many cases this can mean a variety of things you may or may not have considered, for example:  Daddy's hand Any Rod of Correction or  The Belt that best keeps Daddy's trousers up, his boy in line, and the relationship on track.  Also, we'll speak of a "relationship," but we only really mean the relationship between two people or more in a CP "meet up," not necessarily a Domestic Discipline relationship, a Daddy/boy relationship, or even  long-term relationship at all. Ideally, Daddys will know their boys well enough ahead of time and can utilize the most effective Spanking Tool whenever the call for. However, sometimes you just won't know until a new boy arrives. Most Daddys will be glad that they've spent time learning to hand-Spank well and effectively. And they'll also be better off if they have an organized Spanking Tool bag or shelf or drawer, so the boy can be sent there to pick out the Spanking Tool that'll be used across his backside. In most instances, the alarm opening a drawer of various sticks for Spanking will subside if the Daddy sets the tone and the emotional stage ahead of time, so the boy isn't alarmed and just runs out the door. Instead, the Daddy who best connects ahead of time will find compliant boys who are grateful that there's not just a gigantic frat paddle or a big thick belt and that's the only choice.   Tips for Tops! Once you have a mini-trove from which to choose from, have new boys go select the Spanking Tool with which they will be Spanked. Cornertime Confidential recommends having a few simple items: a thin light paddle, a thicker Spanking Stick like a Jocari or mini-frat paddle, a good Old-Fashioned Hairbrush, and a firm sturdy ruler or yardstick. For belts, you'll want a 2.5"-3" thick black buckled belt and possibly a razor strop or other effective leather strap for Spanking.  Remember, as we learned in parts 2 and 3, a good beating is not delivered by The Spanking Tool. It's created by the Daddy or the Top who administers it. So as you've seen in the other sections of the Guide to the Spanking of adult boys, we have extensive insights for you on that which you should read carefully. However, the Spanking Tools you use will can make a world of difference if they are high quality and applied correctly. Some boys even become attached to certain ones. So do some Daddys!  You don't need to go anywhere other than the local Marshalls, Ross for Less, T.J. Maxx, or Target/Walmart for what you'll need. This may surprise, but the most simple, affordable black belt that does the job is a standard product from H&M stores. It's less than $20. And while Cornertime Confidential encourage all community members to support the communities that support us, including Nasty Pig, Albert Prendergast,the many talented paddlemeisters out there, we don't want anyone to feel that a life in the CP community is a matter of having the latest styles and fashions. Tips for Tops! They call it an "Old Fashioned" Hairbrush Spanking for a reason. A new-fangled hairbrush won't really achieve your goals.  If there's a need, let Cornertime Confidential know, and we can provide a buyers guide of where to get the Spanking Tools you'll want around your home. Once you have them, be sure to keep them in eyeshot of any boy you have over.  If you have a partner who is regularly disciplined, work together to find the very best way to heighten anticipation with everyday objects vanilla friends and family will not realize are used for CP in your home. A small wooden cutting board in the kitchen can regularly double as a hand-sized paddle for boy. An Italian fly swatter (they're made with a leather face) can hang in the kitchen or on the patio, and be used for swattting away bad behaviour as well! The Belt hanging from the closet door can be there as a constant Behinder Reminder to be good and get to bed on time or wake up early! And a good Old Fashioned Hairbrush that isn't really used (in our home Daddy and I are both fairly bald, so no one knows quite why we have The Hairbrush sitting out in the bathroom) can be a Behaviour Modifier every single time your boy goes to the bathroom—and remind him that he's the boy and you're the Daddy/Top.         A Discussion on the Benefits of Enhanced Cornertime Enhanced Cornertime can be, when administered well, in and of itself its own punishment. As you develop your Corporal Punishment-based relationship, sometimes it may help to set the tone using this tool in your toolbox. Cornertime or a Time Out can be used without resorting to Spanking. But many find it boring. So, make it a busy time for your boy: writing lines, washing his mouth out with soap and having him hold the bar in his mouth while he's in The Corner, lecturing him while he stands there. For some boys in some relationships Cornertime will not work. A sound beating on the behind is all they want or need. But for many, that's just too short and abrupt. That's one of the reasons many Daddys opt for the use and effective implementation of Enhanced Cornertime.  We posed the need for some feedback on these areas of importance to the large, well-experience SouthSpanking.com group. Here's what they suggested:   oldskoolotk Cornertime should last for at least 10 minutes in my opinion, just like the Spanking, a boy should wish it was over long before it actually is, and it should be a lesson in endurance. A boy should never feel that Cornertime means he is in the clear, more Spanking should always be a threat, if a boy hasn’t accepted his punishment fully and doesn’t have a proper attitude upon review.    Hands should always be placed somewhere that leaves him exposed front and back, and he should be corrected appropriately if they wander. Adding holding a coin to the wall with his nose can be extra punishment if he has trouble staying in position. Talking should be prohibited unless the boy is spoken to, Some boys need to be sat on the lap, as well, and that can be added at the very end when the boys punishment is over. Other boys may need their bottoms lotioned with something to help heal them, and that can also be done at the end. It's best done OTK with some encouraging words.    The pants and underpants coming up or being put on is the final part of the process, and signifies that the punishment is over. However, in certain situations clothing restrictions can be appropriate and can add to a boys consequences. A boy may be restricted to briefs or even a bare bottom for a certain amount of time and gradually earn back his clothing privileges, or perhaps even be required to sleep nude.    James AZ Very Very Very well-written Oldskool —punishment must be effective and Cornertime is definitely a time to think, a time to reflect, and a time to heal ... it's emotional and a lot more...creativity is so easy, and Daddys or Tops can be encouraged to get very creative. Max Writing lines can be salutary. So can sitting bare-bottomed on a hard wooden chair with a Spanking Tool within eyeshot. We find it instructive how inventive members of this robust website are both with ideas and actions.The Correction of adult boys isn't just about Spanking. There's a lot of psychological value in integrating the Spanking Tools, making Cornertime or Times Out a part of the process, or having your punished boy write lines to correspond with the need for his Spanking. For example, if he's being Spanked for open defiance, you can have him write, "I promise to not be openly defiant to Daddy." or "Daddy is in charge. I am not." 100 times with a pencil on a big sheet of paper.  Tips for Tops! Invest in paper and pencils ahead of time before suddenly being unable to administer the punishment because you don't have enough paper around the house! NonSpanking punishments—broadly speaking, "enhanced Cornertime"—can extend the time necessary for a full and complete Corporal Punishment experience. Enhanced Cornertime can be a stand-alone punishment as well, adding a sense that the boy is not in charge. It's particularly effective when used domestically in the course of a regular night of eating dinner, watching T.V., playing video or board games, etc. If you are in the midst of regular domestic live, when an appropriate time comes based on snark, tone, attitude, laziness, lack of cooperation, send your boy to The Corner, a place you have set aside in Punishment Spanking times as The Corner where naughty boys in the house go.  Sometimes this will mean sending him to his room.Sometimes it'll be just a place in the living room where you can see him standing with his 'pants lowered or not—and his bottom facing into the room. When punished in this way, the Correction of adult boys goes far beyond the thrills and spills associated with Spanking alone. You can turn off the T.V. (and now that Daddys mostly all have DVR, they can stop a program midstream, and attend to discipline, and then when the boy is sufiiciently punished, return to the program with or without the errant boy). Why do this? Because Enhanced Cornertime can bring vitality back to a relationship that can be stuck in a tidewater of repetition, dullness, or worse. Relationships need variety, and one way to do that is to use The Stick or The Belt, but another it to use your mind.    Tips for Tops! The mind is a very effective Tool for Corporal and non-Corporal Punishment. Use that tool to put a nail in bad behaviour, defiance, Rulebreaking, and the like.  What can you do with these following household items? Castor OIl  Capsaicin Cream  A switch from a recent hike  Stinging nettles from a local forest  A rough plastic door mat  Enforced writing of lines  (For some boys) being put into diapers  (For others) being made to wear white briefs... ...the options can be seemingly endless...if you put your mind to it! So don't put your back into it. Spend less time fretting about whether you deliver a good Spanking. Think more about how you can be the perfect Daddy for the boys you have.  Each boy is unique as is each Daddy, and a unique approach driven by you and his own personal experience will make the Spanking of adult boys in your life better, more effective, and ultimately much for satisfying for both involved.          After a Trip to the Woodshed, What Next?   Please comment below or email me with your ideas.   ________________________________________ Follow Cornertime Confidential Wherever You Are: Tumblr  ∙  Twitter  ∙  Blogger ∙  WordPress  

The Coach's voice sounded already angry! "Well, let's start with a spontanous check of your cleanliness...!" The bloke already knew what would expect him. It was not the first time the Coach did such a control, which often ended in a corporal punishment. The guy stripped completely and then placed himself in front of his Coach. He sticked his hands towards his Coach. First the palms, then the back of his hands. "Fine..." complimented the Coach while checking the clean hands. "Now your ears, boy!" The boy moved his head and dad looked in his ears, first the left ear, then the right ear. "Clean as well! Good boy!" The boy was relieved but he rejoyed too soon... "All right, now your bottom! Turn around and bend down!" The 22 year old boy crinched and the back side of his muscular body got a goose-skin. The coach took a paper tissue out of his trousers and gave it to the boy. "Clean your butt cheeks with the tissue...! And go deeply inside.." The boy took the paper tissue, bent down further, spread his cheeks and scrubbed between his wide-spread bum-cleft. "hmm, my dear boy..." the coach mumbled. "I don't think you want to affirm that you cleaned your bum well after the last bowel-movement?" There was a highly visible brown stripe on the white paper tissue. The guy turned red: "Please, no enema...!" The coach looked at his football player with a very serious face: "You know that uncleanliness doesn't only mean that you'll get an enema - it means as well that you will get a hard punishment. So, you will come down to the punishment room in 10 minutes! Got it? The boy nodded, he felt bummed out. But there wouldn't be an alternative as disobedience would mean to be excluded from the football team.