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NB: For our non-French-speaking friends, this blog is the translation of a French-language blog on the French-speaking group (like the previous ones, by the way), so let me start by reminding you that English is not my mother tongue. English wasn't even the first foreign language I learned in school through to university. If a sentence seems incomprehensible to you, or if my grammar, vocabulary or syntax seem wrong, I'd be very grateful if you'd let me know. I'd be happy to discuss it and improve my prose. There's also the possibility of checking the French version, which is perfectly correct and in line with the desired rhetoric and logic. I'm always open to constructive discussion. So if you feel like reading, I can only wish you a good read and thank you for it and your interest.  Dating is now decided on the networks, and depends on the sites on which you can leave your profile, i.e. your imprint. The key element of such profiles is often the image. Leaving a photo is essential, and a video is a bonus. You can always take a photo on the Net, but it's best to produce your own photos or videos. Unless you want only self-portraits or images of implements or places, you need at least two people to produce meaningful photos or videos. So, you need to discuss and agree with your partners. And discussing the pros, cons and risks of taking photos and videos during a spanking session is important. Knowing whether to publish them, and which ones, is even more important. Talking about it in a blog, read as a voluntary or involuntary collection of advice or testimonials, must be done seriously and without any personal passion. It's not a subject that, in the midst of a futile conversation about image, should lead to a personal regulation of publishing know-how and revenge porn, which some people are so keen on when it comes to considering the publications of others without questioning their own ways of doing things. All the more so as this question concerns spankers as much as spankees, since taking and publishing images depends on both. It's in everyone's interest and for the pleasure of the greatest number that exchanges must be thought out and carried out. We can't love everything, but we must do our best to give something that can be received and shared by other spanking enthusiasts and potential partners or friends. I have nothing to say about the advantages and disadvantages of making and publishing images, since these seem obvious to me and are only to the extent of everyone. Apart from the usefulness of networking to make oneself known, the interest can also be purely aesthetic and fantastical. Besides, I don't think it's my place to define good manners and rules of etiquette. That's not my style. Nor is it my ambition here. I just think we need to agree on this issue before the session. And to agree precisely, loyally and definitively. Pics seem to me to be useful but not necessary for every meet. They fix a memory, but can also be used to communicate and show what you're looking for or what you can offer. Everyone is free to want pics or not, to limit the scope of the shots or even the number of pics or vids. Everyone is free to accept images without accepting their publication, or to limit their communication. However, you should bear in mind that it is always possible to retract your agreement after the fact, but only if no publication has been made beforehand. Indeed, the issue is more complex, however, when images have already been published, as they begin to circulate as soon as they are published. This is even their reason for being. The problem is that they then escape all control. That's why it's important to determine beforehand what can be photographed and published. In any case, in the event of initial disagreement on these issues, the best thing to do is to refrain from taking any images, pic or vid, and even more to refrain from publishing them if images have nevertheless been fixed. I'll focus on the most important, namely the risk of losing control of one's image, if not one's story, and the potential damage to one's reputation in real life, but also the risk of becoming the object of blackmail or pressure from the one who consented or from a third party. For my part, I only publish with my spankee's approval, as much on the principle of the publication as on the pics, on what is necessary or opportune to erase or hide (jewelry, tattoos, birthmarks, etc.), and even on how I will designate him (first name, simple initial, generic term, etc.) and the text that might accompany the publication (for those who follow me, it's usually for haikus, a simple pretext to freeze a moment, an emotion or a sensation in my spanker diary). But more importantly, I'd like to take stock of the idea of revenge porn, so in vogue on the networks and in the minds of “young people”, and even those who want to do harm. I've paid the price with an obsessive manipulative pervert, and frankly I wouldn't wish on anyone what he put me through and sometimes continues to put me through wherever he can harm me by abusing the weaknesses of sites and their “moderation” policies. It's damaging for everyone in reality, and shouldn't be accepted, no matter how “notorious” the evil-doer. Indeed, we must also beware of rumors, gossip and hearsay circulating about publications or the possibility of images being taken without consent or the knowledge of the spankee, perhaps even the spanker, because after all, it's not technically impossible. I've been able to gather testimonials from spankees, or guys posing as spankees, claiming that certain Parisian spankers were taking images without consent. I confined myself to informing those spankers concerned that these rumors were circulating, but did not pass them on to anyone else, as I knew nothing for certain about this information, which sometimes came from dubious profiles. I firmly believe that we must remain extremely cautious in such matters. For many people, accusation is often tantamount to indiscriminate proof, whereas it's not enough to say so for something to be true, and such proof is as good as condemnation. On the contrary, for the sake of peace on the networks and the smooth running of our community, we must not lay down the law on the networks by promoting a parallel, electronic “justice” that rehabilitates the ancient practice of lynching in the name of virtue or the defense of fooled innocence. Digital mobs aren't sentimental, they're infernal. They are detestable when they start acting without thinking. The best thing to do is to remain objective and stick only to what is firmly established, and not to relay noise about which you know nothing objectively. You protect everyone by avoiding spoiling the atmosphere with malicious rumors. Revenge porn does exist! It's worth knowing what it is before committing yourself to fixing images and then publishing them, or launching a campaign against an Internet user accused or suspected of wrongdoing. So, let's examine the issue technically. There's nothing simple about the definition of revenge porn, and the reality of the matter is so diverse and difficult to pin down that the law has done a lot of groping and is still doing so. Broadly speaking, revenge porn consists of an individual publishing sexually explicit content about another person on a public or private network, without that person's knowledge. This content often consists of intimate pictures or videos, which the perpetrator may or may not have obtained with the victim's consent. It is a criminal offence in almost all Western countries. In French criminal law, as in all the Romano-Germanic systems that dominate Europe, it should be remembered that for an offence to be constituted and reprehensible, there must be a legal element, a material element and a moral element. If you don't, you'll be talking nonsense, just like any good blogger who's ready to talk about anything and everything outside his sphere of competence, doubting neither himself nor anything else. I/ The legal element In France, everything is in the Penal Code. This makes it easier to assemble the applicable texts that determine the offence with precision. The law in its entirety can be found in Articles 226-1, 226-2 and 226-2-1 of the Penal Code. The latter Article was added to precisely define and punish revenge porn. It stipulates that: “When the offenses provided for in Articles 226-1 and 226-2 concern words or images of a sexual nature taken in a public or private place, the penalties are increased to two years' imprisonment and a fine of 60,000 euros. “The same penalties apply to the fact of making known to the public or to a third party any recording or document of words or images of a sexual nature, obtained with the express or presumed consent of the person or by him or herself, by means of one of the acts provided for in Article 226-1, in the absence of the person's consent to dissemination.” Article 226-2-1, paragraph 2, of the Penal Code was therefore written to punish what is known as revenge porn, in order to make up for the inadequacies of the provisions of pre-existing Articles 226-1 and 226-2. This text makes it possible to punish cases of invasion of sexual intimacy, even when consent was given at the time the photos were taken or the videos recorded, provided it is not reiterated at the time of distribution. For the French legislator, the phenomenon of revenge porn thus consists in the distribution, without the person's consent, of recordings or documents of a sexual nature (“sextape”, nude pics, etc.) which were initially taken or obtained with the person's consent. Prior to the creation of this offence, the fact that a person had given their consent to the taking of recordings or documents prevented criminal prosecution if the author subsequently decided to disseminate them without their consent. The law penalized the invasion of privacy through the fixation, capture, recording or transmission of private or confidential words or images taken in a private place, as well as the retention or dissemination of such recordings or documents obtained without the consent of the person concerned. The Court of Cassation logically deduced from the applicable texts that it was not a criminal offence to disseminate, without the person's consent, an image of a person taken in a private place with his or her consent (Cass., Crim., March 16, 2016, no. 15-82.676). In this way, revenge porn, i.e. recordings, documents or images of a sexual nature obtained with the person's consent before being disseminated without their consent, could not be punished. Article 226-2-1 corrects the shortcomings of the first two texts, making it possible to penalize this type of behavior. Thus, in France, the legal element has existed since October 2016. It is not retroactive. The offence is statute-barred after 6 years. Most Romano-Germanic European countries have a similar law. I don't know anything about common law and therefore Anglo-Saxon law for the most part. I imagine that this offence also exists and is punished, but under what definition I don't know, and there must be a plethora of case law on the subject. II/ The material element 1/ “... making known to the public or to a third party any recording or document of words or images of a sexual nature...”. The offence therefore presupposes that either an image or words of a sexual nature have been obtained beforehand. These images or words must be transcribed either in a recording or in a document that can be distributed: photograph, video, soundtrack, etc. Several situations could be envisaged: pics or vids of people engaged in sexual lovemaking, of a nude person, or of a person who is not undressed but who makes a gesture with a sexual connotation or adopts a lascivious pose, but in all cases the offence could only be characterized if the person is identifiable. Indeed, the protected image is that of a specific person, since identification is a prerequisite of any invasion of privacy (Cass., Civ. 1st, April 9, 2014, n°12-29.588). Consequently, if the image focuses on a genital organ, or a part of the body, such as the bottom for example, which does not allow the person's face to be seen or identified in any way, the provisions of Article 226-2-1 of the French Penal Code are not intended to apply, a fortiori if there is no written mention enabling identification for which the image alone would not suffice. One question, however, is unclear. Does it have to be a public or a private place? The first paragraph of Article 226-2-1 of the French Penal Code, which increases the penalties for the offences set out in Articles 226-1 and 226-2 when the images or words are of a sexual nature, makes no distinction between images taken in a public or private place. The second paragraph of Article 226-2-1, which defines the phenomenon of revenge porn, does not specify the public or private nature of the place concerned. Legal doctrine tend to consider that, since paragraph 2 presupposes that the images or words disseminated were obtained “by means of one of the acts provided for in Article 226-1”, the extension of the scope of repression to public places does not apply to images, which must, under the terms of Article 226-1, 2°, have been taken in a private place. It follows that, a priori, for example, a picture of a nude person in a public place, taken with his consent or by himself, can be lawfully distributed without his agreement. The question of the public place remains. A bar, or any other venue where a party open to the public is held, is a public or private place in this particular context? The judges will say... On the other hand, it is certain that a beach or dunes, an abandoned bunker or the top of a bell tower open to the public, a wood or a path, are public places... Finally, sexuality must be assessed subjectively. This raises the question of whether an image is sexual in nature. Is the sexual nature of an image determined by what it shows, or by what it suggests? The “context” in which the image is taken is therefore crucial in determining its sexual nature, all the more so when the image is accompanied by text. 2/ “..., obtained, with the express or presumed consent of the person or by himself, using one of the acts provided for in Article 226-1.” The document or recording must have been obtained, with consent, by means of one of the acts provided for in the Penal Code, which are specifically listed: capture, recording, transmission and fixation. The act may have been carried out “by means of any process whatsoever”: camera, camcorder, cell phone, etc. This strictly technical point is not covered here and is not difficult to understand, and makes perfect sense. 3/ “... in the absence of the person's consent to the broadcast... ”. The offence is committed when the recording or document containing words or images of a sexual nature is either broadcast or brought to the attention of the public or a third party in the absence of the consent of the individual appearing on it. The term “brought to the attention of” implies one or more specific recipients. Diffusion, on the other hand, implies a deliberate action aimed at making the document or recording known to a wide audience of indeterminate individuals. The real question is that of the consent of the person concerned by the recording or document. It is perfectly possible for a person to agree to the recording or document being made, without consenting to its distribution. What has been consented to in a private setting must not be allowed to leave without the consent of the person concerned. This point is simple. A priori only, because consent must be understood specifically “a priori”. If no consent has ever been given, the solution is simple: no publication is possible. If consent has been given and never taken back, the solution is equally simple: no problems are to be expected. If consent has been given and then taken back, the solution is more complex. While it is always possible to take back consent, this does not make it retroactive. The resumption of consent has its limits. Under no circumstances can the absence of consent relate to a document or recording already published with the consent of the interested party, if the document or recording has already been lawfully made available to the public since its first publication. In this case, it does not fall within the protected, i.e. hidden, private domain. However, only what has remained private can, without the consent of the interested party, actually be revealed, distributed or brought to the attention of the public, who had not previously been aware of it, and possibly enter the realm of revenge porn. To put it simply, what is already known cannot be revealed. It's simply obvious. There should be no discussion on this point. It would therefore be very risky to attempt to characterize as revenge porn the direct or indirect republication of an image already published with the express consent of the one appearing in it or who authored it at the time of its initial publication. The law only protects what is not publicly known. A resumption of consent is only valid for the future and for images that have not been published on the day consent is resumed. Other images are already public, and more often than not circulate at the speed of social networks. They will therefore never fall under the heading of revenge porn or unauthorized use. III/ The moral element In Romano-Germanic law, this is an intentional offence. Thus, in French law, in accordance with the first paragraph of Article 121-3 of the Penal Code, there is no crime or misdemeanor without intent to commit it. With regard to the first paragraph of Article 226-2-1 of the French Penal Code, intent can be deduced directly from the facts: the perpetrator is fully aware that by acting in this way, he is violating a person's sexual intimacy. However, with regard to paragraph 2 of this Article, the moral element seems more specific. It can be deduced directly from the phrase “in the absence of agreement”. By disseminating images or videos, the offender is therefore necessarily aware that he is harming the identified person and going against his consent, even though these images and videos were captured “with the express or presumed consent of the person or by himself”, when he is aware that he is acting expressly without the victim's consent. However, if the offence is intentional, the intent must be culpable or malignant. It's a mistake to think that it doesn't matter whether the 'poster' intended to do something (revenge, attention, shame, blackmail, praise, etc.) or whether it's impossible to be recognized. On the contrary, these two questions are essential. In fact, any good jurist will note that it must be proven that there is an intention to violate the privacy of the person whose recordings or documents of sexual words or images, not yet public knowledge, are revealed with the aim of harming him. It must also be proven that the author was aware that he was acting without the consent of the person concerned. The absence of consent to publish images or documents, which does not include previously authorized publications, does not therefore apply to publications already produced with the consent of the person concerned, which in fact circulate by themselves on the networks... Furthermore, the text accompanying the publication will be decisive in determining whether it is vengeful, denunciatory or identifying. Intentionality also means that the person must be recognizable or identifiable. An image that can only be identified by the individual in it, its author or someone very close to one of these people - in the latter case, a very jealous one who is ready, rightly or wrongly, to ruin the lives of others in this respect, even if he has already seen the images before - would not be sufficient to establish that the publication was expressly aimed at the guilty intention of revealing a fact infringing on the privacy of the person featured in the image, without which the slightest bottom allegedly recognized on a network would give rise to endless lawsuits. A famous New York architect was murdered by a jealous husband who thought he recognized his wife in the sculpture crowning the last building built by his victim, and deduced that they were lovers. Calm must therefore always prevail in these cases, even if I know that the jealous nature of some is so irrational, malicious and pathological that it leads them to stop at nothing to pass themselves off as victims and justify their own offences. For there are other offenses too, such as publicly accusing someone of revenge porn and spreading the word to convince the spanking “community” that a guy is shady, in the hope of seeing him disappear for good from the virtual space of specialized networks. Then there's accusing someone of taking photos or videos without telling you or against your consent, without providing proof. In both cases, this is known in criminal law as the denunciation of an imaginary offence... and here again, intent is perfectly necessary and easily identifiable in certain cases. There is also the abuse of weakness and control, which give rise to unacceptable psychological manipulation and pressure on certain fragile individuals that can seriously damage their health, all the more so when these actions are expressly aimed at using these psychological flaws to abuse them. And unfortunately, there is always a type of doms or spankers who believe that they can enter a brain with impunity and clean it up, destroying what they don't like and reshaping the rest. This kind of behavior must never be accepted. It's the worst kind of perversion, and the most dangerous. I believe that a spankee who is too fragile must be protected and not used or abused.  

Unfortunately, there are far more websites and apps for meeting spankos than there are actual places. While “face-to-face” means you don't have to introduce yourself without knowing who you're talking to, and you can simply get to know them, “remote” displays are far more sophisticated and tricky. In the end, it's all very complicated, and it's always a good idea to adapt your presentation to the website in question and the people you want to get in touch with. I find this fastidious and often discouraging, not to mention time-consuming, and it can sometimes leave you feeling a little bitter. So it's best to give a little thought to what needs to be said. You have to present yourself while protecting yourself, attract without lying, reveal without betraying, show without betraying, establish your reputation and finally turn your experiences into advantages. To learn the art of virtual conversion, you also need to think about how to make contact and how to end it. Introduce yourself while protecting yourself, attract without lying A profile is often the first contact with a potential partner. It may even be the only one. So long as it's complete and attractive, authentic and honest. Some may see it, based on market research, as an effective and exclusive competitive tool, and potentially as a chance for monopoly or near monopoly, while others may be less utilitarian and ambitious, and want it as a visiting card designed solely for making contacts or new acquaintances. The key element of a profile remains the description, which generally takes up just a few lines, depending on the website, and is the first place to introduce yourself and at the very least attract attention. This description, however succinct and artificial in a way, must be neither empty nor off-putting. It should be immediately identifiable and eye-catching. If not already displayed in other profile fields, the minimum information required for a description is : - Place of residence and ability to receive guests or travel; - Age, physical description (height, weight, body type), experience; - Languages understood, written and spoken; - A description of what you like and what you're looking for; - Target audience: age range, body type, spanking type, possibly sexuality; - Its strict limits: for example, no scenarios, no blood, no traces, no sex, etc. In this description, there are also pitfalls to avoid: - Obviously, having an empty or all-purpose description; In general, this doesn't attract and blends in with the mass of profiles; - Focusing on what you want to do with a potential partner, without really saying anything about yourself or the people you want to meet; A general, fantastical description immediately attracts the wankers and trolls of the Net whom you'll never meet; - Be too technical, literary or cerebral; It's better to remain understandable to all at first; It's only after the first contact that the exchange can be elevated according to the person you're talking to, unless you want to meet only one type of partner; At the outset, it's best to remain open and accessible to all; - Take over all or part of the description of another spanko, especially if he or she is recognized on the website in question, or even on most specialized sites; Inspiration is not forbidden when you lack it, but you still need to know how to adapt it and come back to yourself. With practice, you'll soon realize what's going wrong, and it's not forbidden to modify your description and adapt it according to feedback, or even the absence of feedback, which is more worrying and should lead to a complete revision of your profile. Reveal yourself without betraying yourself, show without betraying Putting photos on your profile is a good way of showing what you like and what you do. Sometimes it's a single profile photo, sometimes one or more albums. Choosing your photo or pics therefore deserves special attention. Face, hand, lower body, place, implement, one of your spankings, a drawing or a pic of a spanking you like found on the net, but in this case it's better to use studio photos, so there's no ambiguity or source of misunderstanding. If albums can be used, they should be composed with discretion. They should tell you more about what you do and what you like than a description, because images speak louder than words, even if the photos used are borrowed from the Internet. Naturally, the albums will be composed by theme, representing a practice, an implement, a position, etc., representative of what you do or what you like. You have to be imaginative and take care to show a fantasy world in which someone can recognize themselves and want to be part of it, but it also has to be personal, as close as possible to the truth of what you do or can do. Then you need to find the right captions. If you use pictures from studios or other spankos, you need to credit them or put them in an album whose title indicates that the picture come from the net. Whatever you think, you should never use photos from other fans without crediting them, let alone claiming them as your own. Not only is this discourteous and dishonest, but it also quickly undermines your credibility. The wording of captions must also be carefully considered. If the comment is silly or degrading, there's little chance that the pic, even if exceptional, can make up for the disastrous effect, which will also reflect on the entire profile. It's best to remain neutral when posting photos and captions. They should be informative rather than disruptive, attractive rather than repellent. Laying the foundations of a virtual reputation With the exception of deliberate and malicious denigration, which is so difficult to combat in the virtual world of rumors and possible neuroses, exchanges are quite desirable to transform a totally virtual profile into reality, to give it existence and depth. Reading what people write, replying to it and asking questions - even about members of this “community” - shouldn't be controversial. It's normal to inform ourselves and others. It's only right to do so honestly and fairly, and always to be cautious about the information you gather in this way. Testimony is only testimony at best, especially when you don't know the witness. A negative statement may be nothing more than a rumor, pure malice or even revenge. You can only share what you have experienced or seen yourself. On the other hand, you must be careful not to spread mere rumours or unverifiable and often malicious hearsay. Moreover, it is generally advisable to be wary of excessive or derogatory remarks reported by someone who has not experienced what he is talking about. As I've said elsewhere, it's undoubtedly important to ensure that your encounters are safe, sane and consensual. So you need to be careful when looking for a profile that matches your needs. First and foremost, you have to respect your own limits, and those of the people you're meeting. Anyone who thinks they can do what they want and only what they want, especially if they're a spanker, is a bad partner and can only create a very bad reputation for himself in the long run. You really must set strict limits, and stick to them as long as the agreement is not revised. A partner who claims to have no limits, or is unwilling to accept any, is the harbinger of certain disaster. It's best to avoid meeting such a partner, either as a spanker or as a spankee. The framework must always be precisely defined in advance, including any possible changes during the session. Among the important limits that shape a profile and its virtual reputation are those relating first and foremost to sex. This question is the most important before any meeting, as it can determine a real boundary between spankos for a variety of reasons. And surprise sex is never desirable, and can lead to a lot of disappointment and unnecessary problems. When it comes to sex, nudity and physical contact are essential. Some people are very rigid about this. There are parts of the body that can be touched and others that cannot, parts that can be undressed and others that cannot. It seems to me that it's always the spankee who decides on these two aspects, as well as on the sexual question, but in the latter, unlike the first two, the spankee proposes and the spanker agrees or not. Then there's often the question of marks and bruises. Then there's the question of the marital status of your partner, who may legitimately want to preserve his marital life, while his usual partner may be unaware of his “extra-marital” practices. The real difficulty is that a spankee doesn't always know how his skin reacts, especially if it's the first time or if he doesn't practice much. Everyone's skin reacts differently. Some mark at the slightest blow, no matter how insignificant, while others don't mark at all, even if the blows are extremely severe. If the spankee doesn't know how his skin reacts, he should say so, and then it's up to the spanker to know how to handle his implements, and to stop before crossing the set limit. Sometimes, however, the marks don't appear until several hours after the end of the session. In such cases, it's best to remain cautious and never spank beyond the area covered by the underwear normally worn by the spankee. This will make it easier to hide any marks for a few days. Then there's the question of pain. Some people want it, others don't. If a spanker wants to hurt and the spankee prefers other elements of spanking to pain, it's best to pass. In any case, you mustn't exceed the spankee's pain limit, especially if you're not a caretaker. In my opinion, a spanker should always carry a lightening cream for bruises or a moisturizing cream, and even an arnica-based cream for pain. The spankee can always bring his own cream if there's one that works for him. There are never too many limits. There are only the limits required by the spankee and the spanker. If you find that there are too many limits, or that the limits of the spankee and the spanker are incompatible, don't insist. The result would be failure and even embarrassment. You can always ask for certain limits to be gradually pushed back, but only if you're in a second or third meeting, and after clearly discussing them. You have to be aware of the limits of those with whom you exchange virtually, as well as those you actually meet, but you also have to be aware of your own limits. The scarcity of opportunities to meet people shouldn't lead you to accept just any encounter. It's hard to force yourself to do so sometimes. Especially when the other partner seems so cute, so experienced, so attractive, etc., to refuse to see him, even if what he's asking for is far removed from your own interests, but if he really isn't what you're looking for, you have to learn to refuse. If, in spite of everything, you decide to meet someone who isn't quite what you're looking for, or even if you've met someone who was exactly what you were looking for but something didn't work out during the session, it's all right to call it a day. It's better to stay on good terms and show that no matter what happens, respecting the limits of your spanking is the most important thing, and the only thing that will count afterwards for your virtual reputation. The same goes for a spankee who has made a lot of claims before meeting someone, then in the course of the session has multiplied the limits that had never been expressed despite several requests, has modified his desires and demands at the last moment, he can only exasperate the spanker and convince him never to see him again. It's also important to know how to say no if you're particularly solicited. There are spankers who receive many requests and spankees who attract all the spankers in the neighborhood, the city, the region, the country and even the continent. Whatever happens, it's important to discuss whether the meeting is possible, and if not, to say no. I wouldn't go so far as to say that you should follow your instincts, because instincts mean nothing and are often the reflection of an illusion or neurose. No, you have to remain rational and know how to deduce from what you read and see whether the meeting is possible, and it's always yes or no. “Maybe” really means no! Secondly, the outcome of the meeting can only depend on the meeting itself and nothing else. In the virtual world, your reputation and the good image you project on your profile make it easier for people to meet you, especially those who wouldn't have wanted to meet you without some feedback from partners who were satisfied with their session. The ones we've actually met are our only real promoters! We can use the functions on some sites to indicate who can vouch for your services. This means checking out who you've met and asking them to do the same. It's better to ask before checking, though. Some people prefer not to leave a trace. It's strange, but that's the way it is. It's true that they may want to escape stalkers and jealousy. Unfortunately, there are some. But we mustn't hesitate to ask our regulars if they agree to be our references for those who are reluctant to meet us. We should also ask their permission to post their photos or videos on our profile if we've taken pictures! The photos of our parties are our signatures and our best visiting cards. They should be carefully selected from those accepted by your partner, and never be given a disastrous caption. The virtual world is as fickle as it is irrational. Let's be true to our conscience and to our partners. Let's respect them and make sure we're respected. Let's post beautiful images that have been selected, sorted and accepted. Let's delete them if the interested party requests it. Nor should we abuse capricious, inconsiderate or manipulative requests. In return, we must be wary of virtual reputations based on rumors or excessive comments made by envious or bitter people, because this unfortunately also exists, alas. Let's stay on good terms with the spankos in our area, or at the very least let's not participate in the damaging game of rumors, because the guys in our geographical area are an excellent source of information about who's a pervert, a banned word, a wanker or on the contrary an excellent or good partner, who respects everyone's desires and only cares about himself. However, whatever happens, you must avoid slandering or speaking ill of another spanko for any reason whatsoever. You must remain neutral and objective, and speak only of what you know and have personally experienced. I've been subjected to the baseness of a bitter and jealous young man for the wrong reasons and in a totally irrational way. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. From now on, I'll only say what I've experienced unreservedly about him, but I'll leave it up to those who read me to make up their own minds in the end. Rumors are hard to fight and unnecessarily destructive. In the end, it's the whole “community” that suffers. In the end, you have to turn your experiences into assets Once you've had a few experiences and, by chance, established a more regular relationship with one or more partners, you need to take advantage of these opportunities to improve your skills, both technically and psychologically. With time and an ongoing relationship, you develop a certain trust with your partner. You can confide in them more easily, deepen your fantasies, progress in your practice, rectify mistakes from past sessions... You need to talk sincerely, about everything, your life, your history and spanking. When you have this kind of fantasy, it doesn't come from nowhere and it doesn't fit into anything. It responds to a need that must be understood, respected and fulfilled. Under no circumstances is spanking simply an activity in which a spanker takes pleasure in using a spankee as a tambourine or punching bag, unless he is completely stupid or a bastard. Unfortunately, such individuals do exist, particularly among novices who stop at the mere appearance of the blows given and a fantasy of humiliation and domination at a good price. In reality, these individuals will never make good spankos. The inescapable rule is that the needs of the one being spanked always come first, even if the needs of the one giving the spanking must not be counted for nothing. That's why verbal exchange during and after spanking is so important. We shouldn't hesitate to enter into a relationship with a partner we like, who seems perfectly suited to what we're looking for and to whom we can give what they want. This requires discussion. You don't kick a partner out of your home two minutes after you've finished exercising, or walk away two minutes later. If you do, there's a good chance that the session didn't live up to everyone's expectations, or at least one of them. You have to learn to talk, to calm down and to take care of each other after the spanking, to return to the ordinary world in a way. You also need to know how to keep in touch in the hours that follow - and even in the days that follow for the less experienced - to find out if all is well, both psychologically and physically. Contacting and ending a discussion, a difficult art to acquire This is a recurring question when you find a profile that interests you. We're not necessarily sure of ourselves, nor ready to face failure, let alone silence or immediate blocking without explanation. Silence and blocking are the solutions found by louts who have never learned to dialogue or simply to say no in a proper and courteous manner. This is often a generational fault, but it's not the only one. In any case, sending a message to a Spanko who seems interesting costs nothing, and neither does replying, even if it's negative. There's no need to get formal or indignant about it. Only unexplained silences and blockages should be condemned. As a general rule, simply read the profile, and if it appears that an approach is possible, send a simple, polite message. You can always send a message extending the description of your profile, with the necessary adaptation to the profile you've just read. If you really want to, you can already add a potential availability and a more precise location than in your profile. This message might as well be clear, basic and decent. It's simply an introduction, which will either lead to a polite refusal, normally if you're dealing with a well-educated person, or to acceptance of contact, in which case all you need to do is enter into more in-depth discussions about what's expected and the practicalities of an eventual meeting. You can always wait to receive messages. If you're new or just starting out, or if you don't have a reputation that attracts curiosity, you're unlikely to be contacted spontaneously. On the other hand, when you're starting to become well established and are known to a number of Spankos, have an extensive profile or enjoy a good reputation, then yes, you can expect to receive messages, and not necessarily from those you're most spontaneously interested in. It doesn't matter, though, except for those who insist despite repeated refusals: if you're not interested, just say no and leave it at that. Otherwise, you need to get into the discussion to find out whether or not a meeting is possible. Experience has taught me that when the discussion is too short, the meeting can't be a good one. On the contrary, when the discussion drags on, the meeting will never take place. Let's face it. Finally, among the shortcomings of the modern age is the apparently common practice, particularly among the younger generations, of never replying, as if silence were equivalent to an answer, or even, as in the case of the administration, to a refusal. Worse still, there's the habit of blocking even when there's no obvious reason to do so. Apart from the rules of politeness, which have not been learned by the interested party, the reasons may be diverse. Silence may be due to an avalanche of messages and the impossibility of replying immediately, because you're not alone, because you don't have time to engage in a conversation, because you don't yet know what to answer, or whatever. In this case, just try again a little later, or even a few days or weeks later. It could also be a phony profile, or that of a fantasist who has no real intention of meeting anyone and would just like to have a look around. It may even be a guy who hasn't really been honest on his profile and has frankly lied about his age, physical condition or desires, and who knows full well that he can't answer us and will never be able to meet us, or that the meeting will be a disaster. In these three cases, we have nothing to regret. Then there are those who engage in a serious discussion that may have taken us some time, and then either don't reply or block. In this case, we can be sure that we've been dealing with a wanker and that by the end of the exchange, he's reached the desired result and gone to wipe his hands. Maybe one day, he'll want to move on to a real exercise and taste another, more intense pleasure. You have to wait. Always know how to wait. Then there's the question of shooting. I've already talked about this, but I think it's important to bear in mind the rules that apply, apart from simple courtesy and politeness, so that this issue doesn't become a means of pressure or manipulation for either the spanker or the spankee, and even less so for third parties. This will be the subject of the next blog.

You may have known him as Ben or Ben Bear or Onkel Ben or Onkel Chen, or by his given name ‘Benjamin’ – I knew him as all of those but to me he was always ‘Onky’ – and that is how I addressed him, even when I was over his lap.   The one thing I want to tell you is that he taught me true respect and humility and I want to echo his thoughts on this because honestly, we should all listen.  Life is short, we will never always agree with one another and sometimes we can get mad or emotional about things, and quite often those things we get mad about are ‘little things.’  Let it go guys, and move on, life is precious.   He was more than just a member of this community and he was very much loved.    His memory will be honored on the site and I know he enjoyed it very much.   He was fun and quirky, that is for sure and I will share a few cherished moments.   The first time I met him here in Phoenix, we hugged and his hand patted the seat of my shorts, a few times, almost as if to say ‘we are friends but I can and I will spank your bottom’.   Two hours later and without going into detail as to why, I found my ear grabbed, taken to the spanking chair and my shorts and briefs were lowered at a speed that I could not believe.  I was soundly spanked and the lesson was repeated in the morning.   He is also (other than Denis) the only other person that has administered a review and punishment session.  A couple of years ago when he visited, Denis had hurt his arm and was wearing a sling.  He asked Onky if he would deal with me and of course he was only too happy to oblige.   Let me tell you, when Onky said ‘No rubbing’ in the corner he meant it 100%, and when I did, it was more spanking and the corner time restarted to zero.   I remember him for the man he was, for the respect I had for him and for the cherished moments I will never forget we had together.   Rest In Peace Onky, you are in our hearts and in our minds and were and are very much loved.   Xxxx   James

With the virtual world taking over in general, and the world of spanking in particular, being a spanker or spankee isn't easy, and finding partners isn't simple, or even insurmountable for some. Of course, where we live is important. Since the spanking community is small, the fewer neighbors we have, the greater the likelihood of being the only spanko for miles around. In France, Paris may be an exception in this respect, but it's no paradise: the virtuality of relationships amplifies the obstacles, real or imagined. The existence of places like the Bunker in London, the Böse Buben or the Quälgeist in Berlin or the Church in Amsterdam encourages real encounters and real acquaintance with those who share our particular pleasure, but in Paris only the Keller offers a monthly party, and the latter is shunned by many - wrongly, it seems to me, but that's the way it is, and the battle against prejudice and irrational phobias is lost in advance, alas. So, since it seems that the virtual link must prevail and become inescapable, in France no doubt, but elsewhere too, we might as well think about the best way to become a spanker who effectively meets spankees and slowly but surely builds a network of friends, and vice versa for a spankee. This blog is neither a guide nor a catalog of principles to be followed, just a food for thought, and I encourage everyone to make their own constructive contribution to an edifice that I'd still prefer to be real rather than virtual. First of all, it's best to determine what we want and what can be “put on the market” with the electronic high-fives. We need to ask ourselves what attracts us to spanking, to try and understand what we like a priori, and to identify the practice in which we'll be comfortable, so we can be a good partner. It seems to me impossible to enter this “community”, and establish a profile if need be, without having asked ourselves this question and found a simple and certain answer. In any case, the image we offer on the networks depends solely on this prerequisite. If we're not sure and clear about what we want and like, what we find attractive and what we don't, it will be difficult to establish a reliable and attractive profile and get in touch with anyone. Each of us is unique, but we need to find common links, if not common places, to find a partner. So the traits that can serve as a basis for determining a sociable profile can be broken down as follows: a fetish (kink) deeply rooted in our psyche or our imagination; we experienced it before adulthood and we'd like to play it over; we received it by chance as part of an meeting of a completely different nature, but it turned us on and we want to deepen this aspect of our sexuality or sensuality; we have an old, unexplained inclination, never experienced before adulthood; we have a penchant for the punitive aspect of this practice; we'd like to be the one to turn other men's spanking fantasies into reality; we imagine this relationship in terms of coaching or directing, educating, etc.; we've enjoyed spanking as a sexual preliminary and want to develop this preliminary into a full-fledged practice; we have broader BDSM practices and sometimes want to refocus on this practice alone in certain circumstances; we've seen a video or photo that has revealed to us a fantasy world we'd never suspected; and so on. There's no shortage of reasons, and we can think of many more. In all cases, we need to determine our likes and dislikes in order to establish a profile and describe the type of spanking sessions we're looking for or can offer. Secondly, you need to be aware that you'll need to determine the place, time and foreseeable duration of a meeting. This is perhaps the most crucial question, as there are many material disadvantages which can become real obstacles to a real meeting in a private space. Living in a big city and close to public transport is obviously a clear advantage. And I can honestly only talk about what I know. I'm a Parisian. A city is an undeniable opportunity for this practice. I imagine that outside a large conurbation, this practice can only be conditional on extensive travel, which makes it even more problematic as we're not inclined to travel miles for the King of Prussia (i.e "to do 'something' for nothing", French expression for which I don't know the English equivalent, if you know it, I'd be interested😁). In any case, a trip has to be prepared, and the pre-meeting exchange is all the more necessary as we need to be sure of his fate before embarking on the road. As a general rule, it's the spanker who gets spankee, but there are exceptions to this rule. It's more convenient for the spanker, who doesn't have to move his implements. That said, the spankee may also have fetish implements that he would like to receive and should therefore bring with him. In short, going to a stranger's house to receive a correction is intriguing and unsettling enough to form the basis of a satisfying scenario. Indeed, being at home gives the spanker a certain ease and places him in a situation of added vulnerability, while at the same time giving him a certain assurance. Certainly, very few criminals act at home, and if they do, it's almost entirely by accident. It seems to me superfluous to point out that, in such cases, the premises must be welcoming and clean. The most elementary rules of courtesy and politeness apply, especially if we want to see our partner again. When, for one reason or another, we can't host a party, or the hostess lives too far away, it's perfectly possible to find a hotel or an Airbnb, or even a Love Hotel. In Paris, we're lucky enough to have one near Les Halles, which is very central and perfectly suited to this kink. No one to complain about the noise or give you the stink eye. There's even a room with a spanking bench. It's ideal if you can't entertain... But for some, it'll always be a deterrent. There's nothing we can do to overcome prejudice and preconceptions. Then you have to find the time. You have to make yourself available, but you can't expect to meet someone at the last minute. You need a stable and organized schedule, and above all you need to take the time to prepare for the meeting a few days beforehand, but not months in advance. Of course, for some people, the need for a spanking is an impulse that needs to be dealt with quickly. In this case, two or three days seems a reasonable amount of time. In short, the preparation time depends on both partners. The only thing that's ruled out is a last-minute meeting. The Grindr spirit is not the ideal of this kink. What's more, a good spanking is one that lasts as long as is necessary for each partner to achieve what they wanted before the meeting. More often than not, it's the spankee and his stamina that determine the duration of the correction. In any case, a 15-minute spanking will rarely be satisfactory for both partners. You need to take into account moments of rest, cornering, possible discussions... The duration should also depend on travel time. No one will go for a short spanking if a journey of several hours has to be made. Time must be adapted to each individual's needs, but also to each person's involvement in the meeting, especially if the journey is cross-border. Thirdly, we need to know the fundamentals of spanking, from a technical, psychological and behavioral point of view. Spanking is not hitting. Hitting is only one aspect of spanking. We can't and shouldn't want to hit or be hit anywhere, anyhow. Spanking depends on the anatomy of the buttocks. And we have to learn where to spank and where not to spank. The four classic zones. Above all, the spanker needs to learn the gestures to adopt. Hand position, rhythm, variation of rhythm, dosage and intensity, time-outs and restarts. A spanking is a variation on a simple gesture. However, if we stick to a single gesture, the exercise will quickly become boring, if not tedious. This simple gesture can be developed and improved. From a flat hand to a curved one, fingers clenched or spread apart, a stroke placed or slapped, pressed or caressed, regular or irregular cadence, counted or rhythmic series, the range of possibilities is finally rich enough to surprise a spankee and thus increase his desire and/or pleasure, and in turn that of the one administering the punishment. Administering takes on its full meaning here. Defining, controlling and adapting the spanking are essential. Body language is also important. General movement, legs, feet, head, moans, cries, complaints, tears, real or simulated, all these signs of the spankee side are important. Voice, tone, commands, poise, tranquility, determination, the ability to alternate strokes and caresses, threat, execution and reassurance are all important signs of the spanker side. For both, the look is fundamental. The guiding principle of this practice is Safe, Healthy and Consensual, abbreviated SSC. It's a prerequisite for any activity of a more or less BDSM nature. We need to learn to practice an activity that is Safe, in order to prevent health risks; Healthy, i.e. initiated within a healthy mental framework; and Consensual, as activities must be fully consented to by both partners. This should not prevent full responsibility, as consent can be inoperative in the face of criminal liability for any injury caused, physically or psychologically. This last point leads directly to the Risk Aware Consensual Kink, abbreviated RACK, i.e. the principle that emphasizes responsibility, consensual action, recognition and personal, explicit acceptance of risk. Both spanker and spankee must have a high level of awareness of the risks associated with this activity. This does not stop at the immediately visible marks. Some people have confused psyches that can be dangerous; in another blog I talked about manipulative narcissistic perverts and parasitic personalities. There are other psychological traumas that can sometimes interfere with this practice. The victim is not necessarily the spanker... It's a complex world. Finally, there'saftercare, the care and attention after a session that serves to stabilize both partners emotionally and reduce any unnecessary stress. The use of creams either for the marks or for the pain is recommended. In general, this also prolongs the partners' pleasure. Ultimately, to optimally mitigate any risk, we need to think seriously, at all times, about the safety, technical and boundary aspects of each of our partners. We need to consider emergency signals, known as safewords, to guarantee access to first-aid equipment in case of need. Signs, hand movements or gestures can also be defined for situations where it is difficult or impossible to speak. These words or gestures can be graduated like traffic lights, from green to red. It's important to discuss possible physical and psychological reactions in advance. Consent must be explicit before any meeting, and revocable only at the moment of action. We need to feel at ease, and make sure that the limits set are respected at all times. Dialogue does not end at the beginning of the meeting, but only at the end, although it may be extended or resumed for clarification or correction. Any session can come to a premature end. We have to know how to say “no”, on both the spanker's and the spankee's side. We have to accept it. On the other hand, once the action has been exhausted, there's no honest way of going back on consent. Consent is essential, but it must not be used as a weapon to harass, stalk or threaten the other person. I've been with two individuals who have suffered the effects of this ultimate perversion in a three-way game. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The best thing is to guard against it and immediately eject anyone who plays with the notion of consent the day after an encounter. We may or may not consent, but we don't use consent as an afterthought. This is intolerable in a small community like ours, where the fundamental values of consent, confidentiality, respect, kindness and mutual care should preside over any mature, responsible relationship. Finally, we need to know how to reasonably enrich the range of spankings. The use of the hand is essential to differentiate a good spanker from a mediocre or bad one. Use and learning are the only way to train. Observe, understand, imitate, reproduce, and finally discard models to acquire your own techniques. Imple≤ments are also essential, because to vary the intensity and duration of a spanking, you need to vary the sensations. And every implement creates a different impression. Where to spank is relatively easy to learn. We need to watch videos, see what the spankers do, how the spankee behave. Only then can we really know. We also need to learn to read body language and know where the spanker or the spankee are in their psyche. Indeed, in addition to the pain felt or given, the main sexual organ being the brain, many elements such as humiliation, frustration, regression, trust, abandonment or submission, as giver or receiver, enter into the affair. Having been spanked is an advantage for the spanker, but not a necessity. As far as implements are concerned, there is little point in having a table entirely covered with a variety of expensive implements. The first spankings should be mainly manual. And a hand muscles itself in a certain way. The implements come next: belts, brushes, ping-pong paddles, flip-flops, wooden rulers and spoons, slippers, national spanking instruments like the English cane, the Scottish tawse, the American paddle or the French martinet. And we can always imagine others. But be careful to use them wisely, taking into account the spankee's desires and abilities, the spanker's skills and the intrinsic qualities of each implement. Hard implements hurt more than leather ones, but after all, it's just a question of use and dose. It goes without saying that implements should not be used in their dangerous aspect, like a belt buckle. In any case, everyone should discover them at their own pace. Spankees sometimes have fetishes, as do spankers. One will hold the brush, another the martinet or the belt. We have to adapt without giving up our limits or our own desires. If an instrument doesn't suit you, don't insist. We have to admit that we don't know how to use an implement, or that we never will. It's also important to respect the limits of spankee. Some implements are frightening, overly so or for good reason, while others are unappealing or repulsive for various reasons. Never insist. There are still two points to consider. The creation of a profile and the question of images taken during our meetings. I'll deal with them another time.

Good Day to all you naughty boys, and as a friend of mine would say 'phooey to all you dads' and sirs' - okay just joking, keep your hairbrushes on!   I am planning on core updates this month, more to follow that will see a number of improvements.   We may move to a better video module, depending on poll results and I want to emphasize we will not lose our current videos, they will remain accessible.   One thing I am keen on is bringing back arrowchat, we actually bought and paid for a business license for this software, but it stopped working after we did an upgrade.  It is much better that our current chat system and includes both voice and video chat.  I think the problem is due to short URL's during the plugin installation which may need to be temporary disabled until completed.  I won't know until I try and we do have some tech guys on here, so I may reach out to them for ideas but I really do want to get it fixed.   If I have mis spelled some words or my grammer is not approved, the I say 'Phooey'!   hugs   James    

If you regret having met a partner you'd never met before, or if you're looking forward to seeing a partner with whom you had a wonderful first meeting, it's because, deep down, all the ingredients for a good or bad relationship are usually in place when you first meet. It's easy to believe that it's all the fault of one party or the other, but that's a mistake. Rather, it's the result of a mixed bag of pre and post communication problems, choices, organization, availability, inexperience, dishonesty and sometimes abuse on the part of one or the other. Don't imagine that only the spanker can be an abuser; the spankee can be too. There's really no reason to think that you'll necessarily be dealing with an abuser. Even if the session was unsatisfactory, the problem is often simpler. In any case, dialogue is better than the staggering reflex of Generation Z and millennials: blocking and/or silence, sometimes coupled with the gossip of virtual conversations. These ridiculous situations must be avoided. Refusing to talk is always harmful. But if spanking is a physical exchange, it's one that can only take place after another exchange, verbal and fantastical, essential and necessarily longer than a few sentences for Grindr or other sites of this kind. It's not a last-minute “date” by nature. So we need to banish the reflexes of immediate consumption. And dialogue is the only condition for an excellent meeting and then for a good ongoing relationship. A failed session can have many causes, but it's always a certain frustration or bitterness that marks the failure. A good session, on the other hand, is based on a current that has flowed. That's easy if the current is based essentially on physical and seductive considerations, but in this "kink" in general it's not enough. Above all, it's the sharing of a common vision of this activity, and common expectations that are fully met, that make for success. There's no problem that can't be solved or prevented by communication, apart from cases of abuse of course. But on this subject I don't intend to say anything. Normally, everyone should be aware of what they should and shouldn't do on a moral level. If the spankee (most of the time) has the impression or feeling of having been sexually assaulted or raped, it's up to him to denounce the aggressor. In this case, unfortunately, we're no longer dealing with the fantasy of spanking, but with the repression of predation. I'm not interested in predators. I've known one, and he's retired, so much the better; it's not worth discussing. The only real problems that can't be solved, even if discussing them isn't forbidden, at least to avoid regrets, remorse, bitterness or resentment. Incompatible expectations, inexperience or lack of experience, stupidity or a predatory or parasitic mentality are the only real shortcomings that I don't think can be resolved through dialogue. Not solved, of course, but talking about it in any case won't be useless so that everyone knows why it didn't work and what they need to do for the future. What doesn't work with one person may work with another. There's nothing definitive, and this in no way prejudges the quality of the spanker or the spankee. Through communication, it's always possible to find common ground, even if you come to the conclusion that you're not right for each other. Staying on good terms anyway isn't a bad thing when you're playing in such a small and peculiar community where, sometimes, some people are inclined to say just about anything about anyone. It seems to me that you should never meet anyone without first discussing everything that will determine the session to come. You can never ask enough questions, nor can you ask stupid questions. Sometimes, you even have to ask a question again, clarifying it to make sure there are no misunderstandings. Anyone who gets irritated by the questions asked runs the risk of being a neophyte or inexperienced, or simply a fantasist. Precisely, the discussion should not be about fantasies and more or less hot stories. The exchange isn't there to entertain a story that might help someone jerk off behind his screen. On the contrary, you need to anticipate and determine everything that needs to be determined before the session. Questions should be practical and aimed at the concrete implementation of the date, not a catalog of fantasies. Once you've a priori that your age, size, stature, physical condition and state of mind are compatible, the following Ten Points are undoubtedly part of the necessary dialogue, a catalog of unavoidable commandments for preparing and enjoying the session when the time comes. 1/ Scenario or not; if so, which elements; don't envisage a role-play that's unrealistic or not to your liking; set the limits of the scenario and determine whether or not a deviation is possible; a safe word or not. 2/ The implements, which ones and their choice, determined in advance or left to the discretion of one of the two, a prioriof the spanker however, but to be seen. 3/ The duration of the spanking and its intensity; its progressiveness; possible marks and bruises, bearing in mind that this is not always easy to predict, especially for a novice who doesn't know how to measure his blows or how his skin will react; you can also use creams, such as Hemoclar (French - in pharmacy), which, as its name suggests, clears up hematomas; arnica won't help against marks, but it will be useful against pain. 4/ Speech during the session; verbal spanking, or not, or very little; what words to use; what tone to adopt; in general this goes with the idea of scenario or absence of any staging. 5/ Other forms of punishment: slaps or no slaps; ear or hair pulling; corner times (duration and positions too); secondary punishments that you value or reject. 6/ Positions; required dress, clothes and underwear; undressing, and who undresses and gets undressed or not; shaving, if any, before or during the session. 7/ Caresses, whether allowed or not; which areas are allowed and which are not. 8/ Whether or not sex is possible, and which acts: from simple kissing to penetration, the range is wide; if sex is possible, when? 9/ Quiet times: small talk, about anything and everything, specific things determined in advance, snacks...; alcohol or not (not recommended in my opinion); the same goes for narcotics (personally, strictly no! I'm just looking at possible cases). 10/ Respecting consent: what is determined before the meeting must be respected; if a change occurs during the meeting, it must be consented to by both parties; the presence of a third; the participation of this third party in the action; whether or not filming or photography is allowed, and if so, what the limits are, and for what purpose. By respecting these rules of communication, without becoming formalized, impatient or irritated by all these questions, and without letting yourself be drawn into a sterile conversation that will only nourish a fantasy that will never be lived, you can normally prepare a session correctly. The remainder is a matter of chance, of whether the current flows or not, of your state of mind at the right moment. That said, a bad session is not necessarily significant. A better one can rectify the situation. Especially if the dialogue has resumed on the points that didn't work. As spanking between men falls into the very specific area of consensual violence between adults, communication is very important, and is the only way to reduce the risk of misunderstandings and misunderstandings. Everyone must remain responsible for what they want and what the other one doesn't want. In the end, these are the only two obligations of a good spanking-partner: that he looks after what he wants and what you want. When everyone does the same, the meeting is never totally bad.

This is a strange and barbaric name for, for want of a better word, an enthusiast of spanking, whether spanker or spankee. However, while it may seem easier to protect yourself from a disastrous spankee - which is just a misperception, but a minor one nonetheless - it's much harder to protect yourself from the grip of a toxic spanker. Undeniably, finding a partner who shares this fetish can be an undertaking that is, if not perilous, at least legitimately distressing. But that's not the hard part. Websites specializing in this activity offer a wide range of spankers and spankees. The difficulty lies in translating the virtuality of a profile, more or less faithful to reality, into the concreteness of a potential physical encounter. Sharing a common interest in spanking is a good start, but not enough. Discerning a reliable, respectful partner who corresponds in every way to your expectations isn't easy. The main obstacle to fulfilling this fantasy is fear of the unknown. It's only natural. The absence of real meeting places in France doesn't simplify the task, and the possibility of a successful experience often seems illusory. You might as well be looking for a platypus at Macy’s. As a result, a first meeting with a stranger is bound to be stressful, even if, after prolonged exchanges, the conditions seem right. The only real question is how to identify the real pervert to protect yourself as quickly as possible.                                               From a practical level, it's easy to outline the conditions required for a successful meeting. These include the need to find the right partner, to organize the date in the right way, and to ensure that your motivation truly lives up to your own expectations. The right partner is one who shares your conception of spanking, in whole or in part; who corresponds in age and physical condition to your erotic universe (for yes, spanking is part of this domain, and the first of all sexual organs remains the brain, which is only inflamed by particular physical traits that belong only to it, i.e. to each individual); and finally, those who, like you, see spanking either as a non-erotic, punitive practice, or, on the contrary, as mixed with sex or simply with assertive eroticism or cuddling. So, it's important to take your time, especially when in doubt, to determine with a profile found on a site whether or not respective expectations are compatible. It's better to have long discussions than to rush into things in such a way as to avoid disappointment. Next, the material organization is essentially a question of location, day and time. You must be prepared to make yourself somewhat available when the right partner seems to have been found. Not everything can happen by chance. It doesn't have to be a waste of time. Risking nothing has never led to anything. Finally, it's up to you to get yourself ready, motivated and ready for the big day. As the meeting has been prepared at length in a written exchange for a first date, and more succinctly for a renewal, normally the try or its conversion should not make the person who really wants to receive a spanking candidate on his knees or lie on the knees of a more or less unknown person, hesitate. Only a first encounter is necessarily, and legitimately, frightening. Immersing oneself in the unknown is not generally reassuring, but when it's a question of sharing such a particular experience, made up in part of domesticated violence, this unknown is reasonably frightening, given that the domestication of violence remains objectively the most difficult variable to apprehend. The best thing to do is to take the time to get to know each other before the meeting, even if it means arranging a pre-meeting in a café, for example. In reality, this fantasy doesn't sit well with immediate consumption. You shouldn't go onto a website and look for a spanking partner with the idea of finding a “dating” for the next hour. It's neither serious nor realistic. You need to make sure you're on the same wavelength on the subject, both in the broad outlines and in the details of implements, positions, sequences, possible scenarios, intensity, duration, limits, disrobing, nudity, physical contact, sex, safety word, etc. When a guy you've made contact with doesn't ask you any questions or gets annoyed because you're asking “too many” questions, chances are it's a bad match, or at least he's inexperienced. No regrets in this case. It's also a good idea to check out what your future partner has posted on his profile or links. There are plenty of sites and social networks to support them with visual information, giving you an idea of how he likes to practice as a spanker or spankee. Talking to other Internet users who have met the individual you're considering is often useful, even if you must be wary of testimonials, which are necessarily subjective and may not be entirely sincere. A good or bad experience is not automatically representative, and we're all different. It is therefore a help, but an opinion should not be taken as a definitive truth. The most important thing is to build mutual trust. And such trust can only be established through a prolonged and varied exchange. It's a good idea to ask questions from time to time. Confirmation is better than misunderstanding.                                  The real difficulty in a date of this kind, whether it's a spanker or a spankee, is to avoid toxic individuals. They can be quickly, and without any scientific pretension, lumped into the category of narcissistic perverts on the spanker's side or parasitic personalities on the spankee's side, but not only, most often manipulative in both cases, but any number of other profiles can arise (I won't go into them here). I'm even more aware of this because, unwillingly, even a little stupidly, I was the victim of a parasitic spankee and a narcissistic pervert spanker at the same time. I should have spotted them right away. I was professionally prepared for it, but I let myself be overwhelmed by their mastery of their respective perversions, all in a triangulation that is most classic in this scenario. Nonetheless, the advantage of a unfortunate experience, is that it can serve as a lesson for oneself and others. We have every right to want to spot them, as these guys can in some cases go as far as cruelty, or even sadism, which is not unimportant in our fetish world, where a relationship of force, domination or even violence can play a real or fantasized role. These guys are often socially well-adapted and know how to maintain an image of themselves that is attractive to the outside world. Initial exchanges are therefore always reassuring and seductive. They know the social codes and are quick to classify their interlocutor into a social box, enabling them to determine whether he is potential prey. It's when they get close and intimate that their toxic tendencies manifest themselves, notably through emotional manipulation and the devaluation of their partner, who is often first dazzled by the narcissist's brilliant attitudes and self-confidence. He proceeds like a pointillist painter, using small strokes. The stain only appears when the small stipples have accumulated sufficiently. It's even more legitimate to want to protect yourself from it, as it's not exceptional for a hold to be established with this type of personality. Lastly, there's only a very small chance - on the order of very, very close to zero - that a narcissistic pervert or parasite will question himself. So how can we spot the toxic personalities who could ruin our lives if we don't watch out quickly? As I've already written, we need to have a long discussion with a potential partner before seeing him, and during this exchange, we need to learn to be attentive to various signs that can reveal a toxic person. It's not necessary for all these signs to be present, but if many of them become obvious, then there's a problem. By definition, inordinate self-esteem presented for oneself is an early sign of a narcissistic personality. In the first instance, it appears to us as an incredibly assertive, even dominant person, which is something we regularly seek out in our fantasies. This assertiveness is often seductive at first sight, as it signals a secure personality and can subsequently suggest the solidity and reliability of the person concerned, leading us to believe that taking charge will be all the better, especially when it's a spanker we're looking for. On the other hand, the perverse side is harder to spot, as a narcissistic pervert knows how to subtly manipulate those who approach him. However, when there is a difficulty in the exchange, a difficulty in communicating with the other person for example, or a feeling of unease, guilt or fear that you can't explain when you are in the exchange with the person concerned, perversion shows its face. The other facet of perversion is parasitism. I thought, like everyone else, that this aspect was easier to detect. But it's not. Often under pleasant, encouraging and attractive appearances, it's in reality pure seduction, all the more formidable as it takes a long time to realize that you're being used, manipulated, reduced to a mere material or tactical interest, an instrument in a larger calculation in which you're really nothing. Psychologists refer to this perversion as primary narcissism. In all cases, parasitic personalities are hunters and predators like narcissistic perverts. The difference is that the former will have a parasitic lifestyle and won't hesitate to live at your expense. Everything is due, since it's given “voluntarily”. On the other hand, it's illusory to expect anything in return, even a pain au chocolat or a cup of coffee. Like all donations, consent is a one-way street. The reactions of the narcissistic or parasitic pervert are often surprising, can hurt you and leave you in a state of confusion at the end of your exchanges. Clues may lead you to ask questions about the state of your relationship with one of these two types of perverts, and the answers are usually quickly found on specialized Internet sites that present the key characteristics of these perverts, or even tests to find out if you're dealing with one. The main thing is to avoid them. Overall, perversion develops in one or other of these perverts according to historical, family or personality parameters. The origins are multiple: strong emotional deficiency during childhood, resulting in an inability to develop normally (cold, distant, maltreating, abusive parents); lack of limits imposed on the child by parental authority, resulting in an inability to understand the needs of the other and to respect them, starting with those around them and the abuse of a younger sibling, for example; sometimes an “innate” antisocial personality. Knowing this may seem of little importance, but it does enable you to spot a few signs in an exchange that should set off the alarm bells.                                 Other useful signs that can be spotted are listed below: -Inordinate or over-inflated ego, self-esteem and self-image; -Overestimated abilities (also self-indulgent self-diagnoses: HPI, autistic...); they can talk about anything with “science” and confidence; -An obsession with unlimited fantasies of success, influence, power, intelligence, beauty or perfect love; -A display of pride or even arrogance; -A conviction that they are special and unique, that they deserve more than others, that they have special rights because of their superiority; -In short, an exaggerated and unfounded perception of their importance and talents (megalomania); -The imposture that often follows (exaggerated presentation and undue use of titles, diplomas, biased or enhanced status in their role); -The use of lies therefore, and with ease to boot; -Projective identification, which sometimes enables the persons concerned to drain you of your own assets; -Using their reputation; -The desire to be in the spotlight, easily and/or systematically positioning themselves at the center of attention; -An overly seductive side; cultivating a charming, helpful and honorable image in the eyes of all; -Another side are a gravedigger of others' image; a tendency to devalue others in order to shine socially; -A preponderance for moralizing and accusing others; denigration (they're very critical of the world and those around them); -A (cruel) lack of empathy (they rejoice in the harm inflicted on others), all the more difficult to detect as such in this fantasy since this trait is precisely part of it; -Subsequent victimization (they blames others); if you object to a criticism, they'll tell you in no uncertain terms that you're responsible and guilty for their actions, inducing in you an extremely perverse sense of guilt to the point that you internalize this and condition your actions and words, going so far as to think that you might be the wrong person; -They will devalue you, diminish your qualities, make you question yourself, reconsider your self-esteem and tell you “I'm nothing without him”, since through this game the narcissistic pervert brings you on the one hand what you will have subtly lost with him on the other; -Jealousy and the need for attention (real emotional and mental vampires); -Your weakening; isolation; if you enter their sphere of action, they seek to isolate you from your loved ones, from your former relationships, in small and increasing steps; -Perverse language, i.e. language based on the narcissistic pervert mode: devaluation, guilt-tripping, victimization, hurtful innuendo, constant judgments, the art of attributing or imputing one's own actions to you, etc.; -The behavior of what psychologists call a life “hacker” (mental fog, making you dependent on everything); -The progressive negative effect on the way you think, act and relate to others in your social circle; -Discussion hacking (including hijacking his skills on a network or site); for example, it talks about you or another person... and then the narcissistic pervert makes it all about himself (“I've had the same problem”, “I've been there too”, “I've been through the same thing”, etc.), then it's all about him, others story doesn't interest him at all; -An unverifiable, magnified past; for example: “When I was young, I was a tennis champion”, “I was top of my class”, “I met the King of Norway”, “I read the whole of Heidegger”, “I was a victim of my father, my brother, so-and-so”, etc.; -For parasites, the exploitation of others to achieve their own goals and the absence or near absence of guilt due to limited empathy capacities; nothing is ever undue, it's a gift.                                            Among the techniques used is love triangulation. If you're in a relationship with this type of individual, he's probably already tried to create a triangulation situation to put himself forward. He can make you believe that someone close to him is trying to seduce him or become his lover, in order to use your jealousy or arouse your interest, and so on. Triangulation is fearsome. Then there's gaslighting, a form of mental manipulation designed to make you lose your bearings and your ability to judge, for example by distorting information or presenting it in another light or partially to favor the abuser, or by falsifying it to make the victim doubt himself and his perception of things. Finally, breadcrumbing (or Hansel and Grettelling) is a form of manipulation, whether intentional or not, which consists in acting as if you were sincerely interested and invested in a relationship with someone, when this is not the case. In concrete terms, you receive intense crumbs of love or affection from time to time, before being mentally tortured and emotionally abused again, sometimes in very subtle ways. That's it, I think I've already gone on too long for a piece of writing intended for the network screen and with the sole aim of giving a few keys to those who are naturally worried at the idea of meeting a stranger in this very special world of spanking. I'm too old to not believe in the power of the written word. It's not very seductive, but it's not useless in the long run. If it could save someone from such an unfortunate encounter, that would be a lot.                                            

Broken Curfew from Dad’s Perspective It’s wet and storming. The rain is beating against the window and the thunder rolls. Jacob lays sleeping naked beneath his quilt, oblivious to the fact that I heard him sneak in past curfew last night. I let him think that he had gotten away with it. It gave me time to calm down and him time to lull into the sense that he got away with it. Jacob is 18 but thinks he’s 30. He still lives in my house and must follow my rules. Sadly, he must learn again and again that I am the one in charge. At the break of dawn, the next morning, I walk silently into his room belt in hand. I throw back the covers and Jacob bolts awake, suddenly fully aware that he is busted and in serious trouble. He knows better than to resist, so he rolls over onto his stomach automatically assuming the spread-eagle position. WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! Jacob screams into his pillow but he’s holds steady, He knows better than to try to get away or make it stop. WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! Young man, you WILL be home by 5 PM since you can’t get home at 10. WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!!WHAP!!! He’s bawling now. I leave the room to let him cry it out and get his composure. He has school in a few hours, and I know that he won’t dare be late today...  

BROKEN CURFEW                 I thought I was being extra quiet.  It was a rainy Saturday morning and I  was supposed to have been home while it was still Friday night. It was only 15 minutes past my curfew.             I eased the key into the deadbolt and slowly let it slide so as not to make that deafening “click” when it released.  I stepped into the dark motionless living room and was instantly flooded in light. There stood a mountain of the man that was my father, Seth.  It was obvious from the bed head that he had been asleep. He stood only in his white briefs, hands on his hips and that “look.”     I could only stand stone still and sheepishly stare at that chiseled face, toned Pecs, those steel blue eyes cutting through me and those firmly planted legs that looked like timbers.   “I told you to be home at 11:30.”  “Sorry, Sir.”  Seth set those cold steel blue eyes on his teen and the silence was deafening… “Stay put!”  I knew it was all over now.  I watched the tensed shoulders of my father recede down the hall.  In those short few seconds, it took him to return, my stomach churned.   Seth returned prison strap in hand and pointed to the couch. That silent order had me baring my butt. I lurched when my exposed genitals made first contact with the cold leather of the couch. I knew that was the only leather that was going to be cold.   “Boy! I am tired of having to remind you of how to behave!” WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!  “Oww, oww!!! I’m sorry, Dad!!”  My ass was already burning, and I knew it was far from over.             “This attitude and disobeying me is going to STOP!” WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!  WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!   WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!   WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!   WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!    “Dad! PLEASE!!! I’m sorry!!!”  “You will be, I’ll make sure.” WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!  WHAP!!  WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!  WHAP!! WHAP!!  WHAP!! WHAP!!  WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!     I was reduced to a crying heap.  No pride, no attitude, just real tears and real sobs. “Since you can’t get home on time, you will be home every night for the next 6 weeks by 8!  And God help you if you are late.”  “Yes, Sir!  I swear I won’t be late!”   “Get to bed boy.  I don’t want to see till well after sunrise tomorrow.”      

BEACH PADDLE   Living on the Georgia coast offered Jimmy and his son the opportunity to get outside a great deal and enjoy the beauty around them.  They walked daily in the park or downtown on the riverfront.  Some evenings, they would venture out to the beach to watch the ships coming in to go up the river to the port.   These adventures were something that father and son loved to do together.  They did it as often as possible.  One gloomy afternoon, Kevin was in a foul mood and let his mood override his mouth.  He broke the cardinal rule of sassing his father.   Jimmy is a built, sturdy man.  He loves his son a great deal, but he will not tolerate disrespect.  The father was very good at containing his anger where his son was concerned.  He never yelled at him when they argued or had an issue.  He didn't have too.  He could get his point across without raising his voice and Kevin knew that very well.   At the time of the proverbial slip of the tongue, Jimmy seemed to ignore the comment and went on as nothing was amiss.  Kevin was stunned and silently thanked his lucky stars that he had evaded his father's considerable wrath.   Jimmy was a strict father who believed in stern corporal punishment for any and all infractions.  He has an array of implements that could and would get the job done.  Unbeknownst to his only child, Jimmy had already retrieved the clear Lexan paddle and put it under the seat of his car...   After dinner was done and the dishes were clean and put away, Jimmy non-nonchalantly suggested that they make a trip to the beach to watch the boats.  Kevin all but scampered to the car.   It was a warm, clear evening and the drive out was pleasant.  For the last two hours of daylight, father and son sat in the sand, water at their toes, watching ships come and go.  As dusk set in with just a little hint of light still in the sky, Jimmy told Kevin he had to go back to the car for a second but he would be right back.   On purpose, he had walked them to the far Northwest corner of the beach that they like to sit at.  Here the sand dunes were high, and nothing could be seen or heard over the crash of waves against the sand.  Kevin was still oblivious to anything being wrong when his father returned.  He had completely forgotten about the earlier spat.     Jimmy put his  arm around his son and led him up and over the first sand dune so that they were on the inside of the dune, surrounded by sand.  There happened to be a large boulder sticking out of the sand.  Perfect for what was needed.   At that moment, Jimmy handed the paddle to his son and reached down to untie and pull off his son's swim trunks.  He placed his hands on the boy's shoulders and told him that he had not forgotten the earlier incident and that since it had been a slip of the tongue, he was not going to deal with it as harshly as he would have if he had thought it intentional.   He turned his son around, made him place his hands on the rock with his legs spread.  He placed the paddle centered of Kevin's ass and told the boy that he was going to count out loud, 25 licks and apologize with each one.  If he were to lose count, they would start over till he got it right.   Being outdoors and plenty of room to swing, Jimmy brought the paddle down solidly across his son's ass cheeks. "One, Sir, I'm sorry, Sir!!"  Kevin's cheeks rippled from the force, but he stayed in place and took what he had coming.   Licks two through 12 fell hard and sure.  Kevin counted out as ordered, never losing his place. Jimmy switched sides and delivered another 8 resounding strokes.  By this time, Kevin was breathing hard, his voice cracked when he spoke.  Jimmy knew he had his undivided attention.   "You know how these last 5 are going to be, don't you?”   "Yes, Sir.  They are going to be harder, Sir."       "That's right.  You don't have to count these.  But I do want you to clench your cheeks tight and keep them that way.  You are going to get 15 more instead of just 5. 5 hard licks on each cheek and the last 5 dead center just as hard as I can swing."   "Ye--Yes, Sir, Daddy."   Kevin stood and clenched his cheeks as ordered and on the 4th lick of his right cheek, he broke and began to cry.  Not to be deterred, Jimmy delivered the other 6 licks before the final 5.  He placed his hand on his son's shoulder and told him it was for his own good.  He made him bend over and grab his ankles, sticking his butt out as far as possible.  With a heavy hand, he delivered the last 5 licks as hard as he could swing.  The sound was deafening it were not for the sound of the waves of the ocean.  The crack of the paddle, the sobs of the son.   When it was over, Jimmy gathered Kevin into his chest and held him and his boy whimpered and cried it out.  The slate was clean, all forgiven. Kevin redressed and the Strickland men walked the dark stretch of beach back the lighthouse and headed home.              

Baseball Window Dad has told me time and time again, not to be practicing my batting in the back yard.  He gets out there with me in the evenings after work and on the weekends that I don’t have a game and we work on catching and fielding.  But he says the yard is too small for batting practice, so we usually go to the park for that. It has been raining so much lately, that the practice field at the park close by our house is so muddy, you can’t get any effective practice in.  So yesterday, even though I was not supposed to; Danny Higgins and I were out in the backyard, batting. I told him that I could not hit them hard because they would go out of the fence and into Mrs. Gribble’s house.  That old bat lives behind us and had a second story with plenty of windows that she loves to snoop out of. Luckily this particular afternoon, she was not home.  We had been going at it for about half an hour and I was mainly working on pop flies and bunting.  But after a bit, I was getting bored with this, so when Danny pitched the perfect pitch right down the middle, I swung for glory. As it were, it turned out to be Hell.  My bat connected perfectly and caught that ball in its’ sweet spot and was gone.  It soared right over the fence and that earth shattering of glass when it struck the upstairs library of Mrs. Gribbles’, made me almost puke. Danny of course, vanished in a flash. I was left standing alone in the back yard, red handed with the bat in my hand.  And to make things worse, I did not know that Dad had just got home from work and stepped into the kitchen when my ball went flying. He’d heard the crash and saw the culprit.  When I turned around, he was standing on the deck with his cell phone in hand.  I heard him telling Danny’s dad what had happened and that he was just as guilty as I was. I overheard him tell Mr. Higgins, that I was already being dealt with and tomorrow at school, we could both compare notes. My knees about buckled under me. Dad simply pointed toward the house, and I scurried past him, head down and up to my room. I hastily put the bat away, undressed and was standing in the corner when dad walked in. He unceremoniously tossed me onto my bed, and I automatically assumed the spread-eagle position.  In a flash, his belt was off and landing furiously on my butt.  It was always worse when dad doesn’t speak during a whipping.  He did not utter a word.  He was laser focused on beating my ass and he did.  He covered from the top of my butt to the top of my thighs and gave it his full effort. I bucked and screamed into my pillow but lay there and took it.  I was guilty as sin, no use to try to fight it. When I was reduced to a heap of tears, Dad left the room but told me not to move.  I was scared. I lay there for what seemed an eternity before he returned with a piece of paper in his hand. Since he had left my room, he had gone over to Mrs. Gribbles and taken measurements to replace the broken glass.  He had told her that he had already dealt with me and that together, tomorrow afternoon; he and I would fix the window. He handed me the paper and told me to read it.  I did not understand the measurements, I suck at math, but my father explained in an eerily cold voice, that those measurements for that window would be coming out of my butt with his brush tomorrow night. I was mortified.  He had already punished me.  When I said as much, he just laughed and said, “That was for disobeying me. Tomorrow night will be for breaking the window.  And unless you want Mrs. Gribble to witness that brushing, I suggest you shut your mouth and hope that the supplies are cheap.” He went on to explain that for every $10 spent on repair equaled 1 minute with his brush OTK full force. I was terrified.  I hated those timed brushings.  They really are painful. I slept on my stomach all night and walked very gingerly into school this morning.  At PE while we were dressing out, I got a look at Danny’s butt, and he got a look at mine.  He was red and you could still see belt marks. I was crimson red and clear welts.  I told him what dad had said and he winced at just the thought of it.  He told me he would bring some aloe to school with him tomorrow just in case. I made the short walk from the bus to my front door with dread.  Dad got home a little after 5 and picked me up and we drove around the block to Mrs. Gribbles.  She didn’t make a snide remark or any unthwarted look in my direction and I was thankful when she announced to my father that tonight was her bridge game at the community center and to just lock the door as we left. It only took us about 20 minutes total to fix the window.  I still had no idea how much it was going to cost my butt.  We finished, Dad locked up and went home and put away the tools.  Dad told me to go wash up for supper, he had ordered in pizza.  I didn’t have much of an appetite, but at least I wouldn’t have dishes to wash tonight. He didn’t say anything else about the window or the brushing till we had finished the pizza.  He told me to go get ready for bed and when I was out of the bath, to bring the brush to him in the den. I showered and brushed my teeth and with high trepidation, retrieved the brush from dad’s nightstand and took it to him in the den.  I walked in, stood silently beside his recliner holding the brush behind my back until he was ready. Dad told me to hand him the brush and to go into the kitchen and bring back the timer.  I was so scared. My hand trembled as I sat it down on the coffee table.  Dad took out the receipt for the supplies…$27.99. I meekly asked if that meant 3 minutes or just the two.  He said he would compromise and make it two and a half minutes.  There were already tears in my eyes.  Tears of embarrassment and fear.  I knew this was gonna be bad. Dad looked at me in earnest and told me that he knew I was scared, and we both knew this was going to hurt but that I would survive.  He told me beforehand that I could make all the noise I wanted.  He would not be mad or disappointed in such outburst.  He moved over to the couch, sat and patted his leg.  I draped myself across his lap and waited. The searing heat that exploded across my butt was so much worse than I had imagined it.  It most likely would not have been so bad if I had not already been strapped the night before.  That tender flesh was again searing and sending shards of pain straight to my brain.  I was numb, couldn’t process thought.  I could only cry and wait for it to be over. Those 2 and half minutes seemed like an eternity, and I just knew my butt was going to be destroyed.  There could not possibly be any skin left. Dad let me up and had me crawl into his lap and cry it out.  I absolutely lay my head against his shoulder and bawled.  I was ashamed that I had hurt him by disobeying him.  That realization was more painful than both the whippings I had taken. After a bit, Dad carried me upstairs and put me on my bed. He got the aloe out of the cabinet and slathered it all over my aching backside.  He asked me if I wanted to see, and I nodded yes.  He had me stand up and turn towards my mirror.  I turned my head and saw that to my surprise; I did not have any broken skin.  No blood as I had envisioned, but I did have a couple of bruises and would for a day or too. I was thoroughly chastised and promised my dad I would never put him in that situation again.  I apologized profusely again and began to cry, again.  Dad brushed the fresh tears away from my face as he pulled me to him in a tight embrace.  “All is forgiven son.  Lessons learned.” He tucked me into bed, still on my stomach and asked if I wanted the sheet over me.  I did not.  I hoped that the air conditioning would somewhat soothe the heat on my butt throughout the night. Dad tussled my hair, kissed me on the back of head and turned out my light as he walked out and shut the door.

REPORT CARD     I know that I should have studied harder.  But I HATE Geometry and will never use it!  I almost hurled when I saw my report card.  I had told Dad that I was squeaking by.  He knew that I was not good at math, but he also knew how I am when I don't like something.  So I knew this evening was going to be a painful one.   I came straight home and made sure all my chores were done except for dishes, since we had not had supper yet.  I took a shower and dressed in boxers and a t-shirt and was sitting on the couch awaiting my fate.  I would have gotten out that mean Jokari paddle that Dad likes, but I did not want to be presumptuous.   My father must have ESP because when he came through the door, he sat his dusty work bag down and went straight for the report card.  He didn't speak, he didn't have too.  The closed eyes and the deep sigh said it all.  "Go to your room and let's get this done."  I knew that meant no paddle.  I went to my room, stripped and waited.   Those five minutes seemed to crawl.  But then like a tornado Dad was there.  I was on my stomach facing the headboard, but I could hear his buckle loosen and then a torrent of searing pain across my ass followed.   One cheek and then the other; culminating squarely across both cheeks in unison.  It hurt, God did it hurt!  Dad laid it on in silence.  All he said when he was done was, "This is Geometry at work."   As he was buckling his belt back, he announced that after dinner we would "talk" further to make sure the message was received loud and clear.  I almost hurled again.  I also knew better than to redress, so I just put on a jock and a t-shirt since Dad doesn't allow nudity at the table.   Thankfully, it was Dads night to cook and despite which I am sure he knew was going to be a bad report card, he made my favorite dinner of Chicken Parmesan with garlic bread.  We sat in our normal conversational tone and chatted about trivial things.  Anyone who would have seen us with have thought that all was right in the world.   Since dad cooked, I cleaned.  I was standing at the sink washing the cast iron frying pan when Dad walked by and rubbed his hand over my butt..."Those are some nice welts you have there young man."  I just gulped because I knew that those welts were going to have something added to them before the night was through.   When cleanup was complete, I went into the den where Dad sat in his recliner watching TV and I knelt at his feet with my head down, arms at my side and waited silently for his next order.  That order did not come for over 45 minutes, when at the conclusion of his show, he instructed me to go retrieve my white hairbrush from my nightstand drawer.   I made that long walk and back on shaky knees.  I hated that mean little brush and knew that it was going to get quite a workout.  I returned to the den and handed it to my father and stood where I was awaiting instruction.   Dad patted his lap and told me to sit down and look at him.  I was ashamed to have to stare into those blue eyes that were already showing displeasure.  Dad asked me a series of questions about what I had been doing in the past several weeks after realizing that I was not doing good in Geometry.  I had to ruefully admit that I had not been seeking out a tutor, asking my dad for help and had been carrying on in my normal routine instead of buckling down and studying harder.   Dad never raised his voice, but I heard every word he said and the inflection of the tone he used.  "That is why we are going to have this talk.  You and I both know that you were having issues.  But instead of coming to me, swallowing your pride and ASKING for help, you chose to ignore it and soldier on.  And you walked right off that cliff and failed the class.  So, this coming semester you are going to work twice as hard, cut out all extracurricular activities and bring that grade up. Because if you don't, the next conversation we have about this will involve the shed, ropes, and my strop."   With that, Dad placed his hand at the back of my neck and guided me over his knee to where my feet were off the floor, my hands were planted, my face was staring at the tile and my ass was angled up for full exposure and he started in with the white brush.  For 10 solid minutes, there was a non-stop fury of wood smacks across my already welted ass.   I cried freely and openly because I was broken and shamed.  The welts from before now had added bruises to them from the top of my cheeks to the top of my thighs.   When dad was through, he sent me and my brush back to my room and told me to get in bed and he would be in later to tuck me in.  I lay face down on my bed and cried into my pillow so as to not make noise.  I was already humiliated that I had cried so much and not taken my paddling like a man as I usually was able to do.  Tonight, I was just a loser of a little boy who got what he deserved.   When Dad came into my room, he sat on the side of my bed and stroked my hair.  He told me that he was not mad, that it was over, and things would be better.  He took some aloe from the bathroom and rubbed it all over my butt so that I would be able to sit at school tomorrow.  He then tucked me in, kissed me on the forehead, walked out the door and turned out the light.